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Puns & Other Word Play Many see puns as cheap humor, one-liners, or groaners, despite their prevalence in our culture. They are most often seen in the names of businesses, or advertising. Others, like the writer Jonathan Swift, see them as a challenging art form, where one shapes words like a cobbler bends leather. 'Punning is an art of harmonious jingling upon words,' said Swift, 'which, passing in at the ears, excites a titillary motion in those parts; and this, being conveyed by the animal spirits into the muscles of the face, raises the cockles of the heart. However...

It is reported that Sir Isaac Newton (who pioneered in gravity, optics, and other matters scientific and mathematical) once said: "If I have seen farther than others, it was because I was standing on the shoulders of giants." After the Super Bowl, Tom Brady said, "If I have not thrown as well as others, it was because the Giants were standing on my shoulders."

Q. What is a cesarean section? A. A womb with a view.

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). ________________________________________ You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.(Paul F. Crickmore -test pilot) ________________________________________ The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire. ________________________________________ Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky. (From an old carrier sailor) ________________________________________ If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter --...

You can't read this and stay in a bad mood! 1. How Do You Catch a Unique rabbit?Unique Up On it. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame rabbit?Tame way. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The forest?They Take The Psycho path. 4. How Do You Get Holy water?You Boil The Hell Out Of it. 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete wall?Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too long? Polaroid's. 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?A stick. 8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't yours?Nacho...

Feet have trodden on a stretch of Roman road for the first time in 1,600 years. A section of the road has been fully uncovered in the final stages of an archaeological excavation on the former Shippams factory site in Chichester city centre... Jo Taylor, of Pre-Construct Archaeology, which has been carrying out the project with Gifford Archaeology, said the road probably dated from the late first century AD. Postholes on the southern side indicated some form of settlement, which was probably domestic. District council archaeological officer James Kenny said it was a privilege to stand on a Roman street....

I have now posted a total of 27 threads and 9972 replies, making this my 9999th post on FR, and perhaps my 10000th (depending on how the computer counts the obligatory opening comment). Anyway, given the milestone, with the next ten thousand posts coming, I thought that it might be nice to actually try to utilize this opportunity to distract a little from the current intraboard brouhahas, to use this post to reminds us of the reason we're all here. First, to kiss a little hiney, I'd like to say thank you to all the people who made this possible,...

A highly unusual break-in at a grammar school in Klæbu resulted in a bit of mental exercise. The burglar(s) did not appear to be out after material gain. Instead of stealing, the intruder(s) sat down and began to solve the math problems intended for third grade students, newspaper Adresseavisen reports. According to local law enforcement officials a good job was done and all of the problems were solved correctly. There has been nothing reported missing or stolen from the school building and it remains a mystery how the intruder or intruders gained access to the school.

Forgive me if this is posted in the wrong place, and forgive me for passing these on. Misery loves company. Really, really bad... Really. Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest 1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!" 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving...

AN AMOROUS couple who took to sea in a dinghy sparked a major rescue operation when their lovemaking was mistaken for cries for help. Police and lifeboat crews were scrambled to waters off Torbay, Devon, after a passer-by raised the alarm. When they reached the tiny boat, the rescuers realised nobody was in danger - but the man and woman on board were naked. A police spokesman said the couple put their clothes back on after returning to the shore and were given "words of advice".

A Lousiana woman is suing the Applebee's restaurant chain--a year after she found a human fingertip in her salad, echoing a similar but now discredited claim against fast food chain Wendy's.May Deal Chambers Johson of Jefferson Parish, La., filed suit late Friday in Jefferson Parish District Court asking unspecified damages.Ms. Johnson said she found the fingertip in a take out salad she bought on June 25, 2004 at a Jefferson's Applebees and become violently ill.Her attorney, Michael Darnell, said Johnson hasn't been able to eat out at restaurants since and remains in counseling for anxiety.Mr. Darnell said he kept the...

Norwegian princess' father lays bare divorce from ex-stripper Tue Jun 14, 8:06 AM ET OSLO (AFP) - The father of Norwegian Crown Princess Mette-Marit, Sven Hoeiby, and his wife, ex-stripper Renathe Barsgaard, are to file for divorce after just three months of marriage. Sven Hoeiby, 68, whose controversial lifestyle regularly scandalizes Norwegians, told Se og Hoer magazine that "the mutual confidence and respect" to continue the marriage were no longer there. His wife was more specific, saying she was "tired of this wild life" which she said centred on parties and pub crawls. "When I got home, it was always...

HOT SPRINGS - A semi truck hauling several hundred 20-packs of Bud Light swerved to miss a group of deer on Fall River Road last Thursday morning, and ended up on its side near the former location of the Landscape Shoppe, four miles east of Hot Springs. The contents of the truck were considered a total loss. South Dakota State Highway patrolman David Birkley said the truck, driven by Richard S. Tracy, 52, of Box Elder, was traveling eastbound on Fall River Road when the driver swerved to miss a group of deer at approximately 6 a.m. The truck then...

Alleged Chicken-For-Sex Offer Lands Meat Man In Jail KEENE, N.H. -- A door-to-door meat salesman from Maine is accused of assaulting a potential customer after she turned down his offer of chicken in exchange for sex. Ryan Park, 22, of Waterboro, Maine, is accused of grabbing the woman in Stoddard, N.H., and forcefully kissing her after she rejected his offer last month. Park has been charged with assault and is due in Keene District Court on June 28.

What: THE 28th ANNUAL O.HENRY PUN-OFF WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS When: MAY 14, 2005 - Noon - 5pm (SATURDAY!) Where: Brush Square Park, downtown Austin, TX (5th at Neches) Who: Friends of the O.Henry Museum / Austin Parks & Recreation Dept. Why: Jest for a wordy cause! Website: www.PunPunPun.com This should give everyone concerned (and you should be) at least 56 days notice to either prepare or brace themselves for the event. As details develop, and they certainly will, everything will be posted on the ISTPF website. Founded by the late John Crosbie in 1979, the International Save The Pun Foundation has...

A roll of toilet paper that was criticised by the Beatles is up for auction on Ebay. The snubbed toilet roll was not received with appreciation by the members of the band, who noted with disgust that it was "too hard and shiny". Despite it giving them something to read during their visit to the toilet, they were also unimpressed with the fact that each sheet had "EMI LTD" stamped on it. The toilet paper, which once sat in an Abbey Road lavatory, has been kept in a glass box since being auctioned at a 1980 Abbey Road sale, reports...

1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the world. 3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils. 4. Two Eskimos sitting in...

CANNES, France (AFP) - Alexandra Kerry, 30-year-old daughter of US Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry (news - web sites), walked up Cannes' celebrated red-carpet for the premiere of Quentin Tarantino's "Kill Bill 2" wearing an off-shoulder black number that turned transparent under the flashes. Kerry, who is showing a short film at the festival, was tailed by the press during her stay at Cannes but French newspapers reported that her staff had warned journalists off questions concerning her famous father. Her film entitled "The Last Full Measure" is being presented in the Short Film Corner section and describes the ravage...

A 40-year-old lecturer at a college in Northern Norway, lost his job after he got an erection in the presence of two students. The court claims the incident can not be held against him. Two female students contacted college management after the incident where they claim the lecturer exposed himself indecently to them in a work-out room. The district attorney filed a suit against the man after the local police suggested not prosecuting the case. However, in the criminal case the lecturer was unanimously acquitted. In Hammarfest law of property, the ground for dismissal was found wrongful, and Høgskolen in...

<p>THERE'S nothing genteel about this finger food. Corporate bigwigs are forking over as much as $700 a head for dinner parties where guests are served sushi off a naked woman.</p> <p>The secret gourmet trend has taken off in the past six months in L.A., and now New York is getting on the act.</p>

Join the FR smokers lounge bump list...click on the logo Welcome Friends, foes and associates to the completely remodeled Free Republic...Smoker's Lounge Here you will find a comfy place to smoke, drink, joke or whatever. We always have a great time, so sit back, relax and...Smoke 'em if you got 'em shsshshsshsshsshssh shsshsshsshsshsshshsshsshsshshsshshsshsshsshssh shsshsshsshsshsshshsshsshsshshsshshsshsshsshssh shsshsshsshsshsshshsshsshsshshssh aaaaa,:`___________________________||`,:'.",`.;'`,:'.',`: <--------Life is good! A very special thank you to Registered for providing us with this fine logo....we will bear it with pride.

Nothing more French or German for ME! Do you have any more suggestions?Sauerkraut is now Liberty CabbageSchnitzel is now Country Fried SteakFrench Fries is now Home Fired Planks or English ChipsFrench Bread is now Dinner HardCrust Bread