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Keyword: rotflmao

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  • Trump Offers Hillary Clinton A Key Role In His New Administration, (Satire)

    11/10/2016 2:41:16 PM PST · by Swordmaker · 7 replies
    Western Sentinel ^ | November 9, 2016 | by WS Staff Editor
    BREAKING: Trump Offers Hillary Clinton A Key Role In His New Administration, GOP ECSTATIC Over Appointment In an unprecedented move, newly elected GOP President Donald J. Trump has extended an olive branch to his Democratic opponent Hillary Clinton. After a brief discussion by phone this afternoon Trump said that he and Hillary had agreed that she would join his administration in January in a very important capacity. On September 10, 2017, Mrs. Clinton and her administrative assistants Huma Abedin-Weiner-Danger and John Podesta will be sent to the Middle East to fill a vacancy left by the Obama Administration. Clinton will...
  • Obamacare payment system will take months to complete, White House says

    02/14/2014 3:16:31 PM PST · by Oldeconomybuyer · 11 replies
    CBS News ^ | February 14, 2014 | BySTEPHANIE CONDON
    The federal government may not completely finish the automated payment system for Obamacare for “several months,” White House spokesman Jay Carney said Friday. Until that system is fully running, the administration won’t be able to verify how many of the consumers who signed up for Obamacare insurance are, in fact, paying their premiums and are hence truly enrolled.
  • Bush Closes the Gap! (GASP!)

    12/10/2009 8:32:05 AM PST · by mkboyce · 9 replies · 672+ views
    Politico ^ | 12/10/09 | Ben Smith
    Perhaps the greatest measure of Obama's declining support is that just 50% of voters now say they prefer having him as President to George W. Bush, with 44% saying they'd rather have his predecessor. Given the horrendous approval ratings Bush showed during his final term that's somewhat of a surprise and an indication that voters are increasingly placing the blame on Obama for the country's difficulties instead of giving him space because of the tough situation he inherited. The closeness in the Obama/Bush numbers also has implications for the 2010 elections. Using the Bush card may not be particularly effective...
  • "YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!" Best Laugh I've Had In A Long Time

    08/15/2009 4:32:13 PM PDT · by Yosemitest · 57 replies · 4,261+ views ^ | August 8, 2009 | Pastor Mannin
    Just watch and LISTEN to the video. You won't believe it. Manning Speaks Out Against the "Mack Daddy"
  • Donny Deutsch Calls For Boycott of Glenn Beck’s Advertisers! (ROTFLMAO!)

    07/29/2009 10:38:43 PM PDT · by tcrlaf · 69 replies · 2,371+ views
    FoxNewsBoycott ^ | Wed july 29 | FoxNewsBoycott
    Daily Kos user aggregatescience reported that MSNBC / CNBC’s Donny Deutsch has called for a boycott of Glenn Beck’s advertisers due to Beck’s asinine claim that President Obama is a racist. Deutch announced the charge on his show, The Big Idea: DEUTSCH: He called this president a ‘racist’ and a ‘hatred of white people’, okay? This has to stop. Here’s the only way this stops. The reason this man does this, this Glenn Beck does this, is because it attracts viewers, it creates controversy… If you’re an African-American or white American who’s tired of this kind of talk, write to...
  • 8,000 Beduins stake their claim as the lost tribe of Barack Obama

    11/12/2008 3:05:36 PM PST · by COUNTrecount · 39 replies · 1,419+ views
    Times Online UK ^ | Nov.13, 2008
    He has a host of relatives in exotic locations from Hawaii to Kenya, and during his run for the American presidency he discovered that he had an aunt living in Boston. Now Barack Obama is being claimed by not one but as many as 8,000 Beduin tribesmen in northern Israel. Although the spokesman for the lost tribe of Obama has yet to reveal the documentary evidence that he says he possesses to support his claim, people are flocking from across the region to pay their respects to the “Beduin Obama”, whose social standing has gone through the roof. “We knew...

    10/22/2008 10:51:10 AM PDT · by pissant · 101 replies · 4,116+ views
    API ^ | 10/22/08 | staff
    To whom it may concern CONFIRMATION OF ATTORNEY/CLIENT RELATIONSHIP This is to inform members of the public that there is Attorney/Client relationship between: LAW OFFICES OF PHILIP J. BERG 555 Andorra Glen Court, Suite 12, Lafayette Hill, PA 19444-2531 Office: (610) 825-3134 Fax: (610) 662-3005 Att: Phil J. Berg or Lisa Liberi email: email: and AFRICAN PRESS INTERNATIONAL - API, Oslo - Norway Subject matter: The Michelle Obama tapes. In case of legal questions pertaining to the above subject, members of the public are asked to contact the Law Offices directly. Any other matters of no legal character...
  • Bill Clinton: Hillary wants me to restore image of US

    10/04/2007 10:20:03 PM PDT · by peggybac · 50 replies · 1,224+ views
    The Guardian via Drudge ^ | 10/5/07 | Oliver Burkeman
    If Hillary Clinton wins the US presidency, Bill Clinton will be given the job of repairing America's damaged international reputation, the former president tells the Guardian in an interview today. Mr Clinton, 61, reveals that his wife has said she would ask him to "go out and immediately restore America's standing, go out and tell people America was open for business and cooperation again" after eight years marked by unilateralist policies that have "enrage[d] the world".
  • Copulating deaf couple unaware of own volume

    12/10/2005 7:44:29 AM PST · by M203M4 · 157 replies · 2,929+ views
    4HearingLoss ^ | December 09, 2005 | Kevin Clark
    Monday night, a record number of noise complaints were received by Residential Security Officers in Roger Revelle College. Officers responding to the calls found the sexual activity of a deaf couple to be the source of the noises, which were described as "cacophonous" by witnesses. The first officer on the scene, Frank Zipelli, reported, "I could hear those two all the way from the parking lot." According to Zipelli, "It sounded as if they were bludgeoning a cow. There would be a low moan, like a ‘moo,’ and then a ‘bang’ and a higher-pitched ‘moo.’ It was like ‘MOO…BANG…MOOO!’" Upon...
  • LENGTHY MEL GIBSON CODES [BIBLE CODE 2004] PRESAGE DUI INCIDENT [Fascinating examples in details]

    08/17/2006 6:56:14 PM PDT · by Quix · 66 replies · 1,202+ views
    [Quix note: The green bold emphases are in the original. But I'm too tired to code them here or even to pour it through Word to do it. Sorry. I did use some spacing, paragraphing for emphasis on the fly] = = = = = = Lengthy Mel Gibson Codes Presage DUI Incident The May 2004 issue of Bible Code Digest (BCD) featured an article [May 2004 original article] describing a 146-letter-long code about Mel Gibson. This astonishing code portrayed him as being guilty of something and of being "rotten." Interwoven codes further described him as hurrying and insulting...
  • (vanity) Two more irresistable entries for "Worst Album Art Ever"

    04/23/2006 6:13:43 PM PDT · by martin_fierro · 1,142 replies · 12,966+ views
    Around teh Intarweb
    Dan Betzer and Louie - "Tell The Bible Classics Volume 3"
  • Will you pay to read the NYT online? (NYT TO CHARGE $49.95 FOR COLUMNISTS, ETC., STARTING MON.)

    09/17/2005 3:23:28 PM PDT · by paulat · 132 replies · 2,278+ views
    The New York Times ^ | 9/17/05 | Leonard M. Apcar
    Letter From the Editor On Monday, Sept. 19, will launch a new subscription service, TimesSelect, an important step in the development of The New York Times. Subscribers to TimesSelect will have exclusive online access to many of our most influential columnists in Op-Ed, Business, New York/Region and Sports. In addition to reading the columns, TimesSelect subscribers can also engage with our columnists through video interviews and Web-only postings. All of our news, features, editorials and analysis will remain free to readers of, as will our interactive graphics, multimedia and popular video minutes. [snip]
  • Unlocking the Secret of the Acronym

    01/15/2005 1:57:25 AM PST · by utahguy · 31 replies · 505+ views
    Unlocking the Secret of the Acronym (early) Morning, all! In my perusing I’ve run across a particular acronym I haven’t been able to figure out. I admit I’m not the sharpest tack in the box, so I figure I would give it one last shot, then gather wisdom from you experts. The acronym is IMO IMO: Iguana Meatball Omelette? I’m Mentally Oscillating? Imagine Monica(LewdINski) in Office? (ew!) Iggys Marvelous Oldsmobile? Imagine My Overbite? Anyway, thank you in advance for your input. God Bless
  • I am telling all y'all, this is SA * BO * TAGE!!! - No, this is a ZOT!

    09/27/2004 5:13:45 PM PDT · by infidel_fidelis · 113 replies · 3,151+ views
    T minus Two d, twenty-three h, fifty-five m, and, bah-dumph, the Commander-in-chief shall meet his constitutionally-sanctioned would-be assassin (with a ballot-paper). And, the location of this rendezvous shall be... The University of Miami (Fla.), in Coral Gables, and the chancellor of this school is, indeed, Donna Shalala: Arabiac (she's Lebanese), Clintonista (one of three cabinet loyalists, having served eight years consecutive in the same posting; the vile Janet Reno, and big-government liberal education secretary, Richard Riley, were the others), and (obviously) a liberal. Consequently, we shall know, if events unforeseen untrack the President, as well are used by the challenger...

    01/27/2004 6:47:40 PM PST · by Captainpaintball · 27 replies · 237+ views
    Im sure (if you are a good Freeper) you already have your tin-foil hats for you and your family...but what about your pets? They deserve proctetion, too...
  • In death, Democrat causes a party stir ["Catholic" Texan leaves $1.9 MILLION to 'Rats]

    01/28/2003 10:23:39 AM PST · by SlickWillard · 29 replies · 362+ views
    Austin American-Statesman ^ | Tuesday, January 28, 2003 | Ken Herman
    In death, Democrat causes a party stir Some question quiet handling of woman's bountiful bequest By Ken Herman AMERICAN-STATESMAN STAFF Tuesday, January 28, 2003 Other than the usual list of trial lawyers and party committees, the top donor to the Texas Democratic Party in 2002 was an unknown 91-year-old woman who died in 1999 and split most of her $1.9 million estate between the state and national parties. And, true to form for Texas Democrats, the inheritance from retired secretary Martha Hughes, who never married and left nothing to family members, has ignited finger-pointing in a party that needs...
  • What to Get Saddam and Osama for 'the Holidays'

    11/27/2002 4:23:38 PM PST · by Jacob Kell · 182+ views ^ | Nov. 27, 2002 |
    Here's an amusing item from Claude Salhani, Culture Vulture columnist for United Press International: The "Holidays," as the year-end religious festivities are generically referred to in the United States - lest we risk irritating the politically correct, God forbid - are rapidly coming up. Only 20-some harrowing shopping days left until Christmas, fewer yet until the Muslim Eid, and even less days left till Hanukkah. And as always, we ponder what in the world to purchase for people we love, or maybe simply feel obligated to buy something for. The hardest choices are usually what to get those who have...
  • Freep This Poll/Humor Break! Last-Minute Switch in the Minnesota Governor's Race!

    11/06/2002 11:38:24 AM PST · by Mr. Silverback · 14 replies · 2,091+ views
    Grudge Match ^ | 4 Nov 02 | Grudge Match Commentators
    The Scenario Governor's Ranch, Maple Grove, Minnesota Governor Ventura sits watching his son Tyrell play video games alternating between Nintendo and SEGA. With a smirk and an extra long drag on his cigar, the lame duck governor leans back on his couch and plots his next big plan.Days later, the Minnesota Secretary of State, Mary Kiffmeyer, holds a press conference: SoS: As per Governor Ventura's proclamation, these are the rules for the 2002 Minnesota Gubernatorial election: * Seven special interest groups will be given a General Election Marker. * The candidate will seek out the special interest group. *...