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  • Hate's last stand (Morford Barf Alert)

    10/28/2008 10:49:46 PM PDT · by Pinkbell · 26 replies · 805+ views
    SF Chronicle ^ | October 29, 2008 | Mark Morford
    Let's not get carried away. Let's not go so far as to suggest we're about to enter into some sort of fluffy utopian tofu puppy happyland where nipples fly free and consciousness expands and the fetid rivers of racism and homophobia that course through the American heartland like acidic sewage somehow magically vanish, somehow become dramatically curtailed, should the twin forces of progress known as President Obama and a vanquished California Proposition 8 somehow come to pass. Let's not be naive. Just because it looks like the Western world is about to get its first black intellectual president, just because...
  • MORFORD: Real Death, The Final Frontier

    09/22/2006 8:06:19 AM PDT · by SmithL · 5 replies · 230+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/22/6 | Mark Morford
    From Steve Irwin to U.S. soldiers in Iraq, there's still one video you ain't gonna see on YouTube - There is, apparently, videotape of beloved Aussie TV star and naturalist Steve Irwin getting stabbed by the nasty bayonet-like tail of a giant stingray. The video shows Irwin removing the lethal blade from his chest, where it had pierced his heart, just before he loses consciousness and dies almost instantly. We will, most likely, never see this film. This is not because Irwin had, so far as we know, no chance to utter "Crikey!" one last time before leaping into the...
  • MORFORD: Which Way To The Apocalypse?

    06/09/2006 7:46:33 AM PDT · by SmithL · 8 replies · 474+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 6/9/6 | Mark Morford
    When all the fanatical Christians disappear, will traffic finally improve? Wait, did I miss it? Did it happen three days ago, on 6-6-06, a.k.a. Tea Time with the Beast, a.k.a. the Great Day of Reckoning, a.k.a. the National Day of Slayer, all the world crashing down in a heap of hissing steam and belching smoke and balmy gusty breezes sometime around noon just after lunch but not before rush hour and hitting right around siesta? I might have been napping. Did the Apocalypse finally hit? Did the deep wish of roughly a half-billion zealous believers come to pass and were...
  • MORFORD: The Real State Of The Union

    02/01/2006 5:48:26 AM PST · by SmithL · 13 replies · 501+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 2/1/6 | Mark Morford
    How to address a bitter, war-torn but still somehow giddy and deeply horny nation. My fellow Americans, we're not as royally screwed as everything Bush has done during his miserable term in office would have you believe.
  • Bye-bye Delay! So long crooks! Goodbye world, I'm gone by ZOT!

    01/08/2006 6:43:32 PM PST · by SoLongCrooks · 317 replies · 9,527+ views
    Yaa, you repukes are not doing so well, huh? Imagine, you repukes control the presidency, both houses of Congress, and appointed 7 of the 9 Supreme Court justices. Yet the Supreme Court thre out sodomy laws in all 50 states and recognized the right of government to seize land for any reason. And you couldn't pass your Social Security changes could you? Sorry, that was your last shot. Come November, we're going to start seeing more Democratic faces in the House. It's the end for you guys. You guys are celebrating when Bush's numbers go *up* to 45%. Then Faux...
  • Tell CNN Not To Ditch Coulter

    11/29/2005 8:25:09 PM PST · by smoothsailing · 110 replies · 2,837+ views
    Human Events ^ | 11-29-05 | Robert B. Bluey
    Tell CNN Not to Ditch Coulter by Robert B. Bluey Posted Nov 29, 2005 David Brock's Media Matters for America today asked it supporters to "Tell CNN to ditch Coulter". The fundraising and publicity pleads: "It's time for CNN to stop helping Ann Coulter to spew her false and offensive bile to the American public". Coulter, HUMAN EVENTS' Legal Affairs Correspondent, is a favorite of Brock's to attack. She appeared on the network last week, apparently prompting the dispatch from Media Matters. As a public service for conservatives, I'm sharing Media Matters' email with you. As liberals bombard CNN with...
  • Dishonest, Reprehensible, Corrupt [NYT Frank Rich on Cheney]

    11/27/2005 1:24:02 PM PST · by summer · 56 replies · 1,505+ views
    The NY Times ^ | Nov. 27, 2005 | Frank Rich
    OPINION Frank Rich Dishonest, Reprehensible, Corrupt ... By FRANK RICH Published: November 27, 2005 An angry country has learned the hard way that it can no longer afford to be without the truth about the Iraq war. To continue reading this article, you must be a subscriber to TimesSelect.
  • MORFORD: The Best Gizmo You Don't Have

    10/07/2005 5:52:21 AM PDT · by SmithL · 2 replies · 289+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 10/7/5 | Mark Morford
    See parents. Check on pets. Stare into a lover's eyes. Or up her dress. Buy one nowThis much we know: There are only a finite number of breaths left in your life. There are only a finite number of times you will have sex in an elevator and a finite number of times you will drink $200 bottles of wine and a finite number of times you will scream your orgasmic joys and endure horrible Texas presidents and eat raw oysters and buy $250 designer jeans and suck down too much Halloween candy and howl at the moon. And...
  • Eight Days in July [barf alert, nyt]

    07/24/2005 6:40:28 AM PDT · by mathprof · 5 replies · 463+ views
    New York Times ^ | 7/24/05 | Frank Rich
    PRESIDENT BUSH'S new Supreme Court nominee was a historic first after all: the first to be announced on TV dead center in prime time, smack in the cross hairs of "I Want to Be a Hilton." It was also one of the hastiest court announcements in memory, abruptly sprung a week ahead of the White House's original timetable. The agenda of this rushed showmanship - to change the subject in Washington - could not have been more naked. But the president would have had to nominate Bill Clinton to change this subject. When a conspiracy is unraveling, and it's every...
  • Conservatives Ęĺ 'South Park'

    05/01/2005 3:51:03 AM PDT · by infocats · 54 replies · 1,922+ views
    New York Times ^ | May 1, 2005 | Frank Rich
    Conservatives can't stop whining about Hollywood, but the embarrassing reality is that they want to be hip, too. It's not easy. In the showbiz wrangling sweepstakes of 2004, liberals had Leonardo DiCaprio, the Dixie Chicks and the Boss. The right had Bo Derek, Pat Boone and Jessica Simpson, who, upon meeting the secretary of the interior, Gale Norton, congratulated her for doing "a nice job decorating the White House." Ms. Simpson may be the last performer in America who can make Whoopi Goldberg seem like the soul of wit. What to do? Now that Arnold Schwarzenegger's poll numbers have sunk,...
  • Communism and human nature (Bolshie Mod sez, Arise ye kittens of the earth!)

    04/05/2005 10:50:57 AM PDT · by Sammy sam · 153 replies · 8,234+ views
    Many argue that communism will never be possible because of "human nature". The essence of this false argument is the belief that a communist society would consist of an all-powerful central government that would tell everybody what to do--and would therefore undermine the creative initiative of individuals and the search for happiness. ē This argument is based on two false assumptions: (1) It assumes that a communist society will look like the former Soviet Union, or the current China, North Korea, etc (ie: corrupt police states with a feudal-style ruling class) (2) It assumes that people will only work in...
  • Is This A New Dark Age? (Morford Whine)

    03/25/2005 4:43:03 AM PST · by Fzob · 18 replies · 799+ views
    SFGate ^ | 03/25/05 | Mark Morford
    Little proof to the contrary that we are indeed in a very long, bleak tunnel. Is there any light? Then come those times when you read about a 16-year-old girl slashing the throat of a 75-year-old woman for no apparent reason, a woman who was merely walking with her husband near a Berkeley public garden and it's right next to the one about the 16-year-old kid smiling and waving and donning a bulletproof vest before shooting nine people and himself to death in a remote, poverty-stricken region of Minnesota and you can feel the numbness like a wave.
  • Why Does God Hate Caribou?

    03/23/2005 7:52:01 AM PST · by SmithL · 76 replies · 6,495+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 3/23/5 | Mark Morford
    God wants oil. This is the message. This is the belief. God wants more oil and also uranium and coal and iron and nuclear waste and whatever the hell else we want to pump into or out of this godforsaken lump of floating space rock. Word to the GOP. In other words, God wants us, if the happily bleak and decidedly nasty interpretation of Bible verse currently extolled by the rabid evangelical mind-set now mauling the American political and social landscape is to be believed, to use up the Earth however we see fit and stomp all over this pointless...
  • All Hail The Death Of Radio

    03/02/2005 8:03:31 AM PST · by SmithL · 46 replies · 1,705+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 3/2/5 | Mark Morford
    Corporate radio sucketh, whole and large and true. . . .
  • The Year of Living Indecently (Frank Rich Barf Alert)

    02/07/2005 4:23:52 PM PST · by scottybk · 14 replies · 533+ views
    LET us be grateful that Janet Jackson did not bare both breasts. On the first anniversary of the Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction that shook the world, it's clear that just one was big enough to wreak havoc. The ensuing Washington indecency crusade has unleashed a wave of self-censorship on American television unrivaled since the McCarthy era, with everyone from the dying D-Day heroes in "Saving Private Ryan" to cuddly animated animals on daytime television getting the ax. Even NBC's presentation of the Olympics last summer, in which actors donned body suits to simulate "nude" ancient Greek statues, is currently under...
  • The Year of Living Indecently (Frank Rich Blames Bush Victory on 'Wardrobe Malfunction')

    02/05/2005 9:03:15 AM PST · by gopwinsin04 · 43 replies · 1,125+ views
    NY Times ^ | Sunday, February 6 2005 | Frank Rich
    On the first anniversary of the Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction that shook the world, it's clear that just one was enough to wreak havoc. The ensuing Washington indecency crusade has unleased a wave of self-censorship on American television unrivaled since the McCarthy era.Even NBC's presentation of the Summer Olympics, in which actors donned body suits to simulate 'nude' ancient Greek statues, is under investigation.This repressive cultural environment was officialy ratified on November 2nd, when Ms. Jackson's breast pulled off its greatest coup of all: the re-election of President Bush.Or so it was decreed by the media hoarde that retroactively delared...
  • JON STEWART MAY IMPLODE

    02/01/2005 11:20:44 AM PST · by Republican Red · 70 replies · 3,276+ views
    JON STEWART MAY IMPLODE? [Tim Graham] Jon Stewart, late in the Daily Show last night to Newsweek pundit Fareed Zakaria: "Iíve watched this thing unfold from the start and hereís the great fear that I have: What if Bush, the president, ours, has been right about this all along? I feel like my world view will not sustain itself and I may, and again I donít know if I can physically do this, implode. (Hat tip: David Frum).
  • Ho Hum, More War And Death

    01/19/2005 12:07:47 AM PST · by SmithL · 11 replies · 761+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 1/19/5 | Mark Morford
    What happens when habitual warmongering and BushCo lies become part of our daily diet? And then you read the appalling little story about how BushCo is now "taking steps" to further the investigation into why their original intelligence on Iraq was so painfully, treasonously, colon-clenchingly wrong, why they thought Saddam had giant Costco-sized warehouses stacked to the rafters with snarling nukes and nasty biotoxins and active warheads when, in fact, he had nothing but a couple Dumpsters full of rusty 20-year-old shell casings and a bucket of stale glue.
  • Stray Dogs Deserve Back Rubs

    01/14/2005 9:53:29 AM PST · by SmithL · 20 replies · 1,158+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 1/14/5 | Mark Morford
    We kill millions of pets every year Who cares if a few get posh shelters and humane laws? OK. So I tend to think people who insist on calling themselves pet "guardians" instead of "owners" are exasperating and a bit wrongheaded, and that such uber-PC thinking does almost nothing to change or improve the behavior of the thousands of animal abusers in this country. And I tend to agree with fabulous dog writer Jon Katz that such semantic sidestepping does more harm to the animals than good, and leads to naive treatment, lack of decent training and an outright ignorance...
  • Resolutions For The Damned

    01/05/2005 8:06:15 AM PST · by SmithL · 20 replies · 1,032+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 1/5/5 | Mark Morford
    A new year, a Bush-gutted, storm-ravaged world and you in need of some juicy, heartfelt pledges -- This is the year. No, really. This is the it. This is the year you resolve to let it all hang out and lick the fingertips of the divine and stop holding back and stop quivering with unchecked anticipation/dread as you realize that, if you care a whit for self-definition and spiritual nuance and hot wet intelligence and deep karmic color in this tsunami-hammered, Bush-ravaged world, you are desperately needed right now. It's true. Alas, many are dejected. Many of the blue or...
  • PLEASE! STOP POSTING SAME MESSAGE ON ALL BOARDS!

    08/16/2002 7:39:49 AM PDT · by Merchant Seaman · 715 replies · 30,137+ views
    Annoyed Reader
    The purpose of FreeRepublic.com's multiple message boards is to limit the topics for each board to particular topics. Posting the same message on all the boards defeats the purpose of multiple-boards for special topics. It is very annoying to see the same message on every bulletin board. PLEASE! DO THE READERS A FAVOR. STOP CROSS-POSTING YOUR MESSAGES!
  • A Comment on the Atmosphere of FR

    12/30/2004 12:26:25 PM PST · by K1avg · 723 replies · 10,073+ views
    A concerned FReeper | December 30, 2004 | K1avg
    For the past several months, fate has conspired to keep me away from the computer. I haven't posted nearly as much on FR as I used to. With the holidays, though, I've had an opportunity to catch up a bit. What I found on my return is a bit disconcerting. While there's always been an element here that refuses to reason and does little more than insult Democrats and RINOs, it seems that this mentality has taken over a large portion of our membership. I've encountered more shrill, radical nonsense in the past couple of days than I had in...
  • Amazon.com Is For Republicans

    12/22/2004 8:05:50 AM PST · by SmithL · 83 replies · 3,109+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 12/22/4 | Mark Morford
    Attention, liberal shoppers! Next year, screw those GOP-supportin' companies, and try buying blue Do you care much that greasy ol' Pizza Hut gave tens of thousands in PAC money to the GOP last year? How about the fact that Taco Bell stopped pumping out their happily toxic semirancid meatlike substances just long enough to write a fat check to the conservative Right? Isn't that weirdly fascinating, in a depressing and indigestible sort of way? Does it matter a whit that, say, Fruit of the Loom underwear gave nearly 100 percent of its corporate donations to tighty-whitey-wearing Republicans, nearly every one...
  • Come See Our Hideous Slab

    12/17/2004 7:47:42 AM PST · by SmithL · 104 replies · 3,334+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 12/17/4 | Mark Morford
    As the world swoons over France's soaring beauty of a bridge, S.F. gets slapped with an eyesore And did you hear the one about how those gul-dang baguette-sucking antiwar French just completed work on this astounding new bridge, a soaring, airy, delicate thing erected in southern France, and it's all over the international press and the French people are justifiably proud and even the venerable Le Monde has deemed the new Millau bridge a "work of art," and the amazing pictures are being featured everywhere, for good reason? And you look at the photos and see the breathtakingly elegant architecture...
  • Canada Goes To Hell Legal pot? Legal gay marriage? Universal health care? What's next,...

    12/15/2004 7:32:53 PM PST · by SmithL · 24 replies · 1,023+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 12/15/4 | Mark Morford
    Legal pot? Legal gay marriage? Universal health care? What's next, free porn and candy? Did you hear the screams? Did you feel the menacing chill? Did you see the black and ominous clouds, moving north? Did you sense, in other words, the very presence of Satan himself as he laughed maniacally and tossed around bucketfuls of ultrathin condoms and little travel-size packets of Astroglide like confetti while riding his Harley Softail up to Toronto or maybe Edmonton to join the ghastly and sodomitic celebrations? Because it's happened. Canada's high court just ruled that the government can, if it so desires,...
  • Legal pot? Legal gay marriage? Universal health care? What's next, free porn and candy? (Morford)

    12/15/2004 10:26:23 AM PST · by RightWingAtheist · 44 replies · 11,717+ views
    SFGate.com ^ | December 15 2004 | Mark Morford (hot for Sven Robinson)
    Did you hear the screams? Did you feel the menacing chill? Did you see the black and ominous clouds, moving north? Did you sense, in other words, the very presence of Satan himself as he laughed maniacally and tossed around bucketfuls of ultrathin condoms and little travel-size packets of Astroglide like confetti while riding his Harley Softail up to Toronto or maybe Edmonton to join the ghastly and sodomitic celebrations? Because it's happened. Canada's high court just ruled that the government can, if it so desires, redefine marriage to include gay couples, which it has declared it will do almost...
  • A liberal's final wish [Barfing All The Way]

    12/13/2004 10:10:21 PM PST · by Alouette · 36 replies · 2,265+ views
    Pasadena Weekly ^ | Dec. 13, 2004 | Dean Opperman
    Give me a break ó or a big glass of vodka. We've gone from shock and awe to shuck and jive, and Captain Quagmire ran the table anyway. Now he's got the White House, the Congress, the Supreme Court, the military and a chip on his shoulder he's calling a mandate. I don't know about you, but I'm getting a Republican haircut just to blend in. For four years it's been one big all-you-can-eat buffet for the corporations, and now they're coming back for more. Go ahead, you marvelous bastards! Rip out all the trees, pave the beaches, build 12-lane...
  • Morford: What Are You, On Drugs?

    12/08/2004 8:33:37 AM PST · by presidio9 · 38 replies · 1,096+ views
    San Francisco Chronic-le ^ | Wednesday, December 8, 2004 | Mark Morford (does not take her Thorazine orallly)
    The odds are very good that you are on drugs. Right now. This minute. As I type this and as you read this and as false Texas dictators rise and sad empires crumble and as this mad bewildered world spins in its frantically careening orbit, there's a nearly 50/50 chance that some sort of devious synthetic chemical manufactured by some massive and largely heartless corporation is coursing through your bloodstream and humping your brain stem and molesting your karma and kicking the crap out of your libido and chattering the teeth of your very bones. Maybe it's regulating your blood...
  • Morford: Very, Very Dirty Pictures

    12/03/2004 7:37:58 AM PST · by presidio9 · 111 replies · 5,208+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Friday, December 3, 2004 | Mark Morford; the Marboro Man gets her hot
    This is what you won't see in the paper. This is what you won't see on CNN or on MSNBC or CBS News or on any major media Web site anywhere and especially no goddamn way ever in hell will you see it within a thousand miles of Fox News. You aren't supposed to see. You aren't supposed to know. You are to remain ignorant and shielded, and, if you're like most Americans, you have been very carefully conditioned to think Bush's nasty Iraq war is merely this ugly little firecracker-like thing happening way, way over there, carefully orchestrated and...
  • Mark Morford: Monday Night Softcore

    11/21/2004 9:47:34 AM PST · by gopwinsin04 · 29 replies · 2,130+ views
    The San Francisco Chronic ^ | 11/20/04 | Mark Morford, the pillow biter
    So, who are they? Who are the ones who have no problem watching a Monday Night Football game in which huge sweaty steroid pakced men in cute homoerotic tights smash each other as hard as possible hoping they break bodies, induce aneurysms and draw blood during out most violent, drug addled and corrupted national televised sporting spectatcle, but actually picked up the phone to complain to ABC about the 'racy' ad promoting 'Desperate Housewives' that led into the game? They are the same people that complained about 1.5 seconds of Janet Jackson's nipple, the same ones who complain about low...
  • Elton John Blasts Off at President Bush

    11/18/2004 3:05:49 PM PST · by gopwinsin04 · 174 replies · 4,446+ views
    MSNBC ^ | 11/18/04 | Jeanette Wallsss
    Another day, another Elton John outburst, this time directed at President Bush. In recent weeks, the Rocket Man has exploded at a variety of targets, including Taiwanese photgraphers and Madonna.Now's he's taken aim at the newly re-elected president, calling him 'the worst thing that has ever happened to America.''I've never lived in a time so vexing, John told the British magazine Time Out. 'I just wanna scream. Bush and this administration are the worst thing that's ever happened to America.John also blasts British Prime Minister Tony Blair, 'Im just as angry at Tony Blair. You lied to us Tony..It was...
  • Morford: Dear World: Sorry About Bush

    11/17/2004 7:16:05 AM PST · by presidio9 · 51 replies · 1,767+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, November 17, 2004 | Mark Morford, SF Gay Columnist
    It's a movement. It's a phenomenon. It's a Web site. Or maybe it's far more than that. No one can really be sure. No matter what it is, it's called sorryeverybody.com and it expresses, better than any outpouring so far, a sentiment that's omnipresent and palpable and still going strong, and every single Democrat and every single Kerry supporter and every single liberal of any stripe whatsoever probably felt it like a white-hot stab in the heart the minute Kerry's concession speech hit the airwaves and it undoubtedly went something like this: Dear world: We are so very, very sorry....
  • BETTER DEAD THAN RED

    11/16/2004 7:20:09 AM PST · by white trash redneck · 141 replies · 3,571+ views
    Portland Mercury ^ | 11-11-04 | Dan Savage
    Look at the map on this page. It should be familiar. It's one of those red-state/blue-state maps that have been tormenting Democrats, liberals, and progressives since November of 2000. That was the first presidential election in which states that went for the Republican candidate were colored red, and states that went for Democratic candidate were colored blue. As George W. Bush and Al Gore fought for the White House in Florida, "red" and "blue" became metaphors for America's divided electorate. Red vs. Blue--Republican vs. Democrat; conservative vs. liberal; pro-life vs. pro-choice; gun-huggers vs. gun-haters; gay-haters vs. gay-huggers. This red-state/blue-state map...
  • Down With Fancy Book Learnin'

    11/12/2004 8:00:22 AM PST · by SmithL · 86 replies · 1,780+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 11/12/4 | Mark Morford
    Is this why everything's so mangled? Is this why we're so divided? Is this why we're so damned confused and bothered and itchy and wondering why we are ever at each others' throats and ever snickering in each others' direction and ever sighing heavily and wishing we could somehow have a magic glimpse into the year 2104 to see how the hell we survive it all? Because there remains this astonishing and yet ever present fact: all the major cities of America, the great cultural centers and the places with the most concentrated populations and the most extraordinary restaurants and...
  • Jim Emerson: On celebrities, Politics, and movie critics (shilling for Roger Ebert)

    11/06/2004 3:59:04 PM PST · by weegee · 30 replies · 7,026+ views
    Chicago Sun Times ^ | October 14, 2004 | Jim Emerson, Editor of RogerEbert.com
    By Jim Emerson Editor, RogerEbert.com October 14, 2004Who's the, uh, biggest villain in "Team America"? Kim Jong Il or Hollywood celebrities?"You should learn to keep your opinions OUT of your reviews!" Every critic I know has received at least one letter like that from an indignant reader. Of course, it's an absurd proposition; critics are paid to express their opinions, and the good ones (who exercise what is known across all disciplines as "critical thinking") are also able to cite examples and employ sound reasoning to build an argument, showing you how and why they reached their verdict. Well, since...
  • 'Blood on the Moon': Fool Me Once, Shame on Me, Fool Me Twice... (Barf Alert)

    11/08/2004 6:17:55 AM PST · by chambley1 · 15 replies · 1,590+ views
    Falls Church News Press (Pravda) ^ | 11/04/04 | Nicholas F. Benton
    President Bush famously botched the truism, but the way it goes is not complicated: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." The first time, it could be argued that the American people were fooled. They didn't give Bush a plurality, but enough felt the country could afford a "compassionate conservative" in the White House. Little did they know what was in store. They condoned the invasion of Iraq because they were lied to about weapons of mass destruction. They were led to believe the war on terror justified assaults on civil liberties. They didn't object...
  • Wallow In Chaos, And Laugh (Mark Morford is having a nervous breakdown)

    11/03/2004 7:12:02 AM PST · by presidio9 · 71 replies · 1,056+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, November 3, 2004 | Mark Morford, Sore Loser
    Oh dear God please not again. Oh dear God please don't let it be all convoluted and depressing and messy and stupid and please don't let it all embarrass us on an international level all over again even more than it already has and even more than it already is and even more than we've endured lo these past four debilitating and soul-crushing years. Hello? Please? Is it already too late? Why yes, yes it is. And lo and behold, it's apparently another completely tortuous and entirely knotted presidential election, still not finished and still not all ironed out and...
  • Get Out And Vote And Scream

    10/29/2004 3:08:41 AM PDT · by Cincinatus' Wife · 48 replies · 992+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | October 29, 2004 | Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist
    So here we are, staring down a rather historic moment amidst the sputtering ideological orgy that is the American experiment and if you're paying any sort of attention at all you're doubtlessly drunk on election hype and saturated with Bush/Kerry platitudes and you wish a white-hot death upon every screeching TV pundit who is right now analyzing yet another insidious national poll that seems to reveal everything and nothing at the exact same time. And Bush is out there right this very second stumping and sweating and blinking fast and defending his useless hideous little war and hurling snide little...
  • Write More About Skull & Bones

    10/27/2004 7:48:11 AM PDT · by SmithL · 15 replies · 699+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 10/27/4 | Mark Morford
    Secret societies? UFOs? The truth about what *really* happened on 9/11? The media cowers I get this a lot: Hey Mark, you're a rather weird, unconventional columnist, why don't you quit toeing the typical blasť journalism line and renounce the corporate-controlled news feeds and standard pop-culture drivel and instead write about the real truths, the real and sinister power structures at work in America and the world? Like for example how both Kerry and Bush are members of mega-yuppie Yale secret society/boys' club Skull & Bones, and therefore suckle at the same tit of nefarious primeval Illuminati power and draw...
  • Ebert Review: Team America

    10/15/2004 12:48:41 AM PDT · by Kornev · 109 replies · 5,077+ views
    Chicago Sun Times ^ | 10/15/2004 | Roger Ebert
    1 Star "What are you rebelling against, Johnny?" "Whaddya got?" ) --Marlon Brando in "The Wild One" If this dialogue is not inscribed over the doors of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, it should be. Their "Team America: World Police" is an equal opportunity offender, and waves of unease will flow over first one segment of their audience, and then another. Like a cocky teenager who's had a couple of drinks before the party, they don't have a plan for who they want to offend, only an intention to be as offensive as possible. Their strategy extends even to their...
  • Can John Kerry Cure Cancer?

    10/15/2004 7:59:14 AM PDT · by SmithL · 24 replies · 2,058+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 10/15/4 | Mark Morford
    Miracle worker or no, after the tyranny of BushCo, a "normal" prez will be a blessed relief There will not be a great parting of the clouds. There will not be brighter flowers and happier puppies. There will not be massive choruses of angels singing and birds chirping and dolphins finally standing upright and speaking fluent Latin and saying we knew it all along. Let's be real: Should Kerry win this election, we are most likely not in for a spectacular and unprecedented ride of shiny progressive glory that will astound the world and reignite the collective soul and float...
  • Morford: It Will All Be Over Soon. BushCo? Kerry? SUV gluttony? Your last orgasm?

    10/08/2004 10:59:31 AM PDT · by MikalM · 30 replies · 1,087+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 10/8/04 | Mark Morford (waxing philosophical!)
    It's so easy to get all caught up in the everyday spit and hiss and noise and blank presidential smirks. Isn't it? It is, after all, incredibly easy to get stuck in the white-hot moment, all screaming elections and bland debates and counterfeit terrorism fears and ugly obesity epidemics and Atkins-approved bubble gum and air/water pollution like an afterthought, all commingling with the mad melodrama of your last bad haircut and the scratch on your precious bumper to the point where we forget the scope of it all, the scale, the macro and the micro and the ebb and flow...
  • Morford: Does God Hate Florida?

    10/01/2004 8:25:54 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 50 replies · 1,139+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Friday, October 1, 2004 | Mark Morford, hoping they get Orlando put back together in time for Gay Day
    You know it's true. You know if, say, San Francisco had just been blasted by not two, not three, but fully four lethal trailer-park-eating earthquakes, why, the Right-wing Bible set would be yelping with barely disguised joy. Of course they would. They'd be jumping up and down and saying I told you so and pointing to Volume 18 of "Left Behind" and claiming that this was, of course, God's wrath upon the sinners and the gays and the heathens and sodomites and the tofu eaters and the Toyota Priuses and the yoga studios and the anal sex and the incense...
  • Morford: Love Masochism? Vote BushCo!

    09/15/2004 10:41:00 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 25 replies · 758+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, September 15, 2004 | Mark Morford, surrendering Dorthy?
    I have a good friend who believes, gloomily, bitterly, resignedly, that not only are we in for four more years of painful and cheerless BushCo-branded tyranny and misprision and aww-shucks dumb-guy shtick, but also that we are actually at the beginning of a long, brutal, fear-based Republican juggernaut that will last a good 16 more years, at least. Because this is how long it will take for the current horrific conservative cycle to play itself out, and this would resemble a more typical and historically proven 20-year pendulum swing, in this case one toward neoconservative right-wing hate and homophobia and...
  • Morford: Who The Hell Is "Undecided"?

    09/10/2004 7:26:18 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 17 replies · 807+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Friday, September 10, 2004 | Mark Morford (I am becoming VERY concerned about her...)
    Polls are the genital warts of election year. They are the swarming gnats in your Jell-O salad, the dead escalator in your shopping mall, the sour milk in your coffee. Because clearly, if you attempt to follow any of them, the AP polls or the American Research Group polls or the Newsweek polls or the ABC News polls or the CBS News/NYT polls or the Zogby polls, you can only conclude one thing: These polls are designed solely to mangle your head and confound your synapses and elate you and titillate you and then plunge you into instant despair and...
  • Morford: Apocalypse Bush! (Why care for the planet when the End Times are almost here?)

    09/09/2004 10:52:34 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 55 replies · 1,537+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, September 8, 2004 | Mark Morford, read by FReepers and few others
    This is the great thing about rabid fundamentalism. You really just don't have to give a damn. Take the environment. I mean, isn't it just a little pointless to care so damn deeply about the air and the soil and the water and the stupid little disposable animals on this silly spinning ball of expendable rock when the Second Coming is imminent and a blood-soaked fire-breathin' Jesus who looks remarkably like Mel Gibson will return very soon to smite the heathens and the gays and the vegetarians and the Francophiles, and who will rescue all those who worship patriarchy and...
  • How Kerry Became a Girlie-Man

    09/04/2004 6:09:42 PM PDT · by NavySEAL F-16 · 150 replies · 9,561+ views
    The New York Times ^ | 5 September 2004 | Frank Rich
    September 5, 2004 FRANK RICH How Kerry Became a Girlie-Man ONLY in an election year ruled by fiction could a sissy who used Daddy's connections to escape Vietnam turn an actual war hero into a girlie-man. As we leave the scripted conventions behind us, that is the uber-scenario that has locked into place, brilliantly engineered by the president of the United States, with more than a little unwitting assistance from his opponent. It's a marvel, really. Even a $10,000 reward offered this year by Garry Trudeau couldn't smoke out a credible eyewitness to support George W. Bush's contention that he...
  • Morford: Where Is Your Hallowed Balm? Music? Yoga? Porn?

    09/03/2004 11:01:24 AM PDT · by MikalM · 36 replies · 1,451+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/3/04 | Mark Morford (who never disappoints)
    I am searching for a few good things. Things to counteract, to dissolve the simmering dread, to deflect the waves of nausea and karmic pain induced by the incessantly depressing media maelstrom and the appallingly hateful gloat of the GOP convention and by the most tyrannical administration and least articulate American president in 100 years. You know how it is. And you say to yourself, these things, these radiant gems that live outside the mass-media miasma, I need them because they provide some balm, soften the fact that the nation feels massively off track and blinded and war torn and...
  • Morford: Dick Cheney Gets His Gay On

    09/01/2004 10:55:20 AM PDT · by MikalM · 16 replies · 857+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/1/04 | Mark Morford (who else?)
    Bunny-curdling screams were heard throughout the Beltway last week and Laura Bush herself got all flustered and confused as vice president and noted hunk of rabid warmongering neoconservatism Dick Cheney broke ranks with his party of other hunks of rabid warmongering neoconservatives and admitted, in public, that he thinks gay people are, you know, mostly OK. Sort of. A little. In small doses. "With respect to the question of relationships, my general view is that freedom means freedom for everyone. People ought to be able to free -- ought to be free to enter into any kind of relationship they...
  • Morford: Sentient Non-Idiots For Kerry

    08/27/2004 7:13:22 AM PDT · by presidio9 · 18 replies · 788+ views
    San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Friday, August 27, 2004 | Mark Morford, non-sentient drug-addicted talentless androgenous pervert
    And isn't it funny how at least 13 members of Congress have actually requested that the United Nations monitor this year's U.S. presidential election, just because, just in case, just to ensure there's no voter rolling and election rigging and chad hanging and outright shameless Florida reaming like last time? And isn't it even more funny how, when firebrand U.S. Rep. Corrine Brown, from Florida, brought the issue up on the floor of Congress, she was actually shouted down by the Republicans, scolded that she was out of order and told her comments should be stricken from the record? And...