Keyword: sarc

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  • Korea Tense As Kim Jong-un Defects

    10/06/2012 12:44:39 AM PDT · by GeronL · 32 replies
    Associated Posers ^ | 10-06-2012 | geronl
    (Associated Posers) – SEOUL, South Korea – A suspected North Korean soldier who killed his platoon and company commanders before crossing the border into South Korea has been identified as Kim Jong-un, the leader of North Korea. South Korean authorities now say that Kim Jong-un was a puppet all along for a small cabal of military leaders. The defection of Kim Jong-un from North Korea is a serious blow to that hermit kingdom, leaving the survival of the communist state in serious doubt. Kim Jong-un has reportedly told Seoul authorities that the real political power in the country are...
  • White House to Kids: All Your Candies are Belong to Us!

    10/31/2009 7:55:08 PM PDT · by TheVitaminPress · 3 replies · 448+ views
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 10/31/2009 | Kip Hooker
    Washington- Citing extreme executive privilege during a time of national economic crisis President Boraq Obama has issued a sovereign decree implementing a new federal code that will, for the first time ever, regulate the centuries old fall tradition of “trick or treating”. This proclamation, currently being designated as the “2009 Candy Recovery and Reallocation Emergency Act”, will -among other things- form a new regulatory commission to oversee the uniform application of several new rules concerning the holiday pastime. Duties, responsibilities and powers held by this agency are still largely unknown but it is thought that the aggregate of changes it...
  • Lindsay Graham Undergoes Personality Transplant, Survives

    10/30/2009 6:30:08 PM PDT · by TheVitaminPress · 6 replies · 657+ views
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 10/29/2009 | Kip Hooker
    Charlston, SC- Doctors in South Carolina are reporting that all has gone well with Lindsay Graham’s recent surgery and that the long time Democrat Senator is resting comfortably and expected to make a full recovery. Graham, who early yesterday morning became the second person to undergo a complete personality transplant and the first individual to survive the procedure, is also reported to be in good spirits and eager to find out what it is like to make friends. Graham is well known for his work in the Senate. What is less well known is the fact that he suffered from...
  • James Carville Upset Over “Illegal Alien” Costume

    10/20/2009 5:50:50 PM PDT · by TheVitaminPress · 37 replies · 1,808+ views
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 10/20/2009 | Kip Hooker
    James Carville is leading a charge for retail locations in the United States to ban a controversial Halloween costume. The costume depicts an “illegal alien” carrying a super-sized green card in his hand while wearing an orange prison jumpsuit with the words “illegal alien” stenciled across the front. According to Carville the garb is “insensitive and offensive” to “hardworking humanoid life-forms just because they happen to be from another planet.” Carville also advised The Vitamin Press that this issue is extremely important to him because “both of my parents came from Uranus.” E.T., head of the Society Humanely Integrating Alien...
  • The Slightly More All Powerful Labor Usions

    10/13/2009 7:33:38 PM PDT · by TheVitaminPress · 16 replies · 264+ views
    The Vitamin Press ^ | 10/13/2009 | Kip Hooker
    It is well known throughout the public school houses and roadside massage parlors of this great America that within any business, or grossly similar entity, there will be found a conflict between ownership and labor. This conflict mostly arises from a divergence of goals. Labor wants a just and fair compensation for a just and fair effort. Ownership just wants to eat their children. Given these irreconcilable dissimilarities there is not much wonder involved when labor withstands the demands of the all powerful owners by turning to the slightly more all powerful labor unions. Labor unions are not really all...