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Keyword: weeklyworldnews

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  • Zombies back Romney

    02/24/2012 10:46:03 AM PST · by EveningStar · 24 replies
    Weekly World News ^ | February 23, 2012 | Frank Lake
    Aliens are backing Santorum, so Romney reached out and won the support of American Zombies!

    12/19/2011 4:13:00 PM PST · by presidio9 · 34 replies · 2+ views
    WWW ^ | December 19th, 2011 | Frank Lake
    PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA - State media declared last night that Kim Jong II is dead… killed by the hands of Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris has had quite a year – he killed Osama Bin Laden AND Muammar Gaddafi, he last night he snuck into North Korea and killed Dear Leader Kim Jong II. Kim Jong Il, North Korea’s mercurial and enigmatic longtime leader, was 69. In a “special broadcast” Monday from the North Korean capital, state media said Kim died of a heart ailment on a train due to a “great mental and physical strain” on Dec. 17 during a...
  • 'Devil' Appears in Bathroom Tile

    09/16/2010 7:30:28 PM PDT · by Free ThinkerNY · 43 replies ^ | Sept. 15, 2010 | STAFF REPORTER
    A TERRIFIED family fear their toilet has been possessed by the DEVIL after an image of Satan appeared overnight — in a bath tile. Laszlo Csrefko spent a fortune renovating the room at his family home in Bekasmegyer, Budapest, with a new bath, shower and tiles. But after taking her first shower, horrified wife Andrea, 47, fled from the bathroom when she spotted the horned head of the devil in one of the tiles. She said: "I was naked coming out of the shower and I could suddenly see his eyes staring into me. I just screamed and ran." Laszlo,...

    07/31/2010 2:04:26 AM PDT · by tlb · 21 replies · 4+ views
    Weekly World News ^ | July 30th, 2010 | July 30th, 2010
    Rhinebeck, NY - Bill Clinton threw a wild bachelor party last night for his future son-in-law, Marc Mezvinsky. Chelsea Clinton wasn’t happy. Bill Clinton insisted on throwing a bachelor party for his future son-in-law, over the strong objections of his beautiful daughter, Chelsea. But when Bill wants something, Bill gets it. And what he wanted was… girls, girls, girls! The former President brought in seventy-five strippers, pole dancers, and contortionists to the “whipped-cream” themed party held for Marc Mezvinsky at the Veranda House in Rhinebeck. Marc was reluctant, but Bill told him, “You’re a Clinton now son, so you have...
  • Breaking: Megan Fox is a MAN!

    02/21/2010 9:19:23 PM PST · by TruthHound · 128 replies · 5,516+ views
    LOS ANGELES, CA – The internet has been abuzz since this Sunday’s Golden Globes ceremony, where Megan Fox jokingly remarked that she looked like a man. When interviewed on the red carpet, she said “I look like Alan Alda in drag. I’m a tranny. I’m a man.” At the time, reporters passed it off as a jovial attempt to cover for her nerves. However, today she has cleared the air and officially reported: she’s really a man. Megan Fox was born Mitchell Reed Fox in Rockwood, Tennessee. From an early age, Mitchell showed an interest in both performing and women’s...

    08/21/2009 2:50:13 PM PDT · by Alex Murphy · 147 replies · 2,699+ views
    Weekly World News ^ | August 19th, 2009 | Erik Van Datiken
    HOUSTON, TX – America’s top secret UFO investigative agency has discovered powerful proof that extraterrestrials believe in God… an alien bible found in a wrecked spaceship! The 132-page, book-like document, printed in symbols representing a mathematical code, is made of an unknown metallic fiber that is impervious to fire or weather and cannot be cut or torn. Its contents are strikingly similar to many elements of the Christian Bible. “The book was found in the wreckage of a UFO discovered at the bottom of the Grand Canyon in the spring of 1994,” said Dr. Henry Leaumont, a California-based astronomer...
  • Ed Anger: Megan Fox Needs to Shut Up!

    06/10/2009 9:00:42 AM PDT · by grizzlyfish · 40 replies · 1,965+ views
    Weekly World News ^ | 6/10/09 | Ed Anger
    Seems some movie star named Megan Fox did what Hollywood types do best: bad mouthing the U.S. of A. to a bunch of foreigners! Megan Fox is in some kind of giant robot movie, and she wishes that instead of destroying the world, the giant robot would “just take out all of the white trash, hillbilly, anti-gay, super bible-beating people in Middle America.” This is pretty crazy, since Megan Fox herself is from Tennessee, where the smartest guy is Al Gore, a big fat idiot who wants the rest of us to use windmills while he lives in a giant...
  • GOP Leaders Protest Stimulus Package By Chaining Themselves to Capitol Building

    01/26/2009 6:58:55 AM PST · by grizzlyfish · 13 replies · 1,560+ views
    Weekly World News ^ | 01/26/09 | Reginald Cunningham III
    WASHINGTON, DC - After criticizing the economic stimulus plan, Republicans have chained themselves to doors of the Capital Building to block its passing. Currently no one can enter or exit the Capital as Republican leaders have chained themselves to every major entryway. The audacious demonstration was led by John McCain who shouted to reporters, “I’m still relevant! See!? I’m still relevant!!!”
  • Fantasy Inauguration

    01/16/2009 5:32:44 PM PST · by EveningStar · 3 replies · 645+ views
    Weekly World News ^ | January 15, 2009 | wwnhideakitailor
    WASHINGTON, DC - In a stunning response to the passing of Ricardo Montalban, Barack Obama has announced last-minute changes to his upcoming inauguration.
  • Obatma Celebrates Kwanzaa

    12/30/2008 5:20:43 AM PST · by Loyalist · 43 replies · 1,856+ views
    Weekly World News ^ | December 30, 2008
    UPDATE - Obatma is spending the first day of Kwanzaa with the Obama family! Obatma, Obama’s half-bat half-brother, arrived yesterday in Honolulu to spend time with his newfound family. He was wearing a scarf bearing the pan-African colors of red, black and green, and carrying one of the Kwanzaa candles. President-Elect Barack Obama briefly spoke to a small group of journalists a few blocks from his home, stating, “While our main celebration is Christmas, we were more than happy to join my brother in honoring his first Kwanzaa in these United States.”
  • Batboy Clears Schedule, Escorted By Black SUVs

    08/28/2008 4:25:40 PM PDT · by freeplancer · 20 replies · 624+ views ^ | freeplancer
    It's official, Batboy has cleared his schedule and is being escorted around town by Black SUVs. His press office had no comment. This comes as a surprise to some who remember that Batboy offered his coveted endorsement to Al Gore in 2000.
  • Study Shows Republicans are Ketchup Freaks

    04/28/2008 11:28:30 AM PDT · by indcons · 76 replies · 125+ views
    Which condiment you favor when you lather your hot dog -- ketchup or mustard -- reveals your politics, according to a noted political scientist. "People who mostly or entirely use ketchup are much more likely to favor the invasion of Iraq than those who use mustard," says Dr. Noah Frum, a senior fellow at the prestigious Institute for Political Advantage think tank. "Red is an aggressive, war-like color, whereas yellow is much more passive and low-key, " he says. Dr. Frum conducted his study when one of the political parties, looking for an advantage in the upcoming November elections, came...

    04/21/2008 6:46:13 AM PDT · by no nau · 87 replies · 1,395+ views
    Weekly Woeld News ^ | MICHAEL CHIRON
    White House security personnel have reportedly booted a young female intern off the staff after discovering she was a mole planted by the Democrats -- on a mission to seduce President George W. Bush! While the mystery woman's name has not been revealed and the strange incident has been hushed up, administration sources claim that sneaky Democrats cooked up the botched scheme, hoping to create a Monica Lewinsky-type scandal and unseat Bush. "The infiltrator was unmasked within six weeks after Inauguration Day," said a high-level Republican Party source. "Because of the swift actions taken by the White House staff, this...
  • Aliens, Elvis, Bat Boy mourn death of Weekly World News

    08/26/2007 9:31:11 AM PDT · by ConservativeStatement · 44 replies · 1,099+ views
    Miami Herald ^ | August 26, 2007 | LARRY LEBOWITZ
    The Weekly World News is dead, and in the words of its ripsnorting right-wing columnist Ed Anger, the tabloid's dwindling legion of fans should be ''pig-biting mad'' about it. Based for most of its 28 years in Palm Beach County, the Weekly World News delivered the guiltiest of pleasures with wheelbarrows of wit, screaming headlines and a black-and-white design sensibility straight out of 1952. Depending on your perspective, the WWN gloriously chronicled or shamelessly fabricated an alternate reality populated by amorous space aliens, babies born with angel wings and gardeners who marry their vegetables.
  • Weekly World News to Close

    07/25/2007 1:38:53 PM PDT · by MovementConservative · 14 replies · 392+ views
    Yahoo ^ | Tuesday July 24, 4:29 pm ET | By Matt Sedensky, Associated Press Writer
    Mystery! Horror! a Supermarket Tabloid Calls It Quits MIAMI (AP) -- An angel of death has visited Earth! Aliens have pulled off an abduction! A mystery ailment has claimed a victim! Weekly World News, the tabloid that for 28 years has chronicled sightings of Elvis, extraterrestrial activity and the exploits of Bat Boy, is no more. Its publisher said Tuesday it would put out its last issue next month, maintaining only a Web presence. What does it mean for a black-and-white staple that has delivered news of such historical proportions as Bigfoot's capture of a lumberjack he kept as his...
  • Gambian president claims he can cure Aids

    02/03/2007 2:53:49 AM PST · by MadIvan · 18 replies · 807+ views
    The Daily Telegraph ^ | February 3, 2007 | David Blair
    The president of Gambia has claimed the personal ability to cure HIV-Aids within three days.Yahya Jammeh, who has no medical training but boasts an "extensive knowledge of traditional herbal therapy", said that he would personally cure Gambians struck down by the epidemic after announcing what would be one of the great breakthroughs in medical science, if true. "I am not a witch-doctor," said Mr Jammeh, who seized power in the tiny West African country in a coup 12 years ago. "In fact, you cannot have witch-doctor. You are either a witch or a doctor." A government statement hailed Mr Jammeh's...

    08/21/2006 9:57:35 AM PDT · by Alex Murphy · 42 replies · 4,144+ views
    Weekly World News ^ | 4/20/2005 | Becky Todd
    Chances are, you're going to Hell, says a Bible scholar. "Ninety-nine out of 100 people are damned," says Jacob L. Pinewood, professor of divinity at Holy Moses College in Jarvis, Australia. "My research indicates God hates us. That's why He made His rules so ridiculous that the average person will never get into heaven." But you may be one of the lucky few, says Pinewood, author of the handy guide So, You're Going To Hell. According to Pinewood, if you answer: "I sayeth yes," to any of the following situations, you should pack for a warm climate when the Grim...
  • INSIDE THE FEDERAL RESERVE: WND unveils comprehensive report on 'fraud of the century'

    07/08/2006 4:44:32 PM PDT · by churchillbuff · 49 replies · 2,427+ views
    WND ^ | July 8 06 | WND
    While millions of Americans look with awe to the Federal Reserve to protect the nation's financial well being, millions more mistrust the Fed, seeing it as an unaccountable, private banking cartel siphoning off citizens' wealth and manipulating America's economy for the benefit of a hidden elite. Where does the truth lie? That's the question that's asked – and answered in-depth – in the July issue of WorldNetDaily's acclaimed monthly Whistleblower magazine. Titled "THE FEDERAL RESERVE: FRAUD OF THE CENTURY," Whistleblower documents authoritatively and with uncommon clarity how the "Federal Reserve" – which is neither part of the federal government, nor...
  • Kansas City customs port considered Mexican soil? [UNFREAKIN' REAL ALERT]

    07/05/2006 5:05:51 AM PDT · by conservativecorner · 137 replies · 2,528+ views
    WorldNet Daily ^ | July 5, 2006 | Jerome R. Corsi
    A Mexican customs facility planned for Kansas City's inland port may have to be considered the sovereign soil of Mexico as part of an effort to lure officials in that country into cooperating with the Missouri development project. Despite adamant denials by Kansas City Area Development Council officials, WND has obtained emails and other documents from top executives with the KCSmartPort project that suggest such a facility would by necessity be considered Mexican territory – despite its presence in the heartland of the U.S. The documents were obtained with the assistance of Joyce Mucci, the founder of the Mid-America Immigration...
  • Mexican customs to be stationed in Kansas City

    06/20/2006 8:02:40 PM PDT · by deport · 65 replies · 804+ views
    World Net Daily ^ | June 20, 2006 | WND
    THE NEW WORLD DISORDERMexican customs to be stationed in Kansas CityNew 'inland port' in heartland part of international plan that bypasses unions Posted: June 20, 20068:21 p.m. Eastern © 2006 A Mexican customs office is being built in the U.S. heartland as part of a newly designed "inland port" facility that links with a Mexican seaport, an official in Kansas City confirms. Tasha Hammes of the Kansas City Area Development Council wrote to author and WND columnist Jerome Corsi to correct some details of a column on the subject, but she affirmed that a key purpose of the Kansas City...