Members of the AI Rat Pack...

Frank Sinatra: silent_jonny
Dean Martin: retrokitten
Sammy Davis, Jr.: rock_lobsta
Peter Lawford: Republican Red
Joey Bishop: peggybac
Humphrey Bogart: Anitius Severinus Boethius
Shirley McLaine: Netizen
Judy Garland: BamaDi
Liza Minelli: Wolfstar
Angie Dickinson: conservativebabe

Lauren Bacall:
Katherine Hepburn:
Spencer Tracy:
David Niven:
Swifty Lazar:
Norman Fell:
Juliet Prowse:

Ladies and Gentlemen of this alleged nation, I have one final thing I want you to consider…

Jeez... Not this $#!+ again... He's using the Ashley Defense.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Ashley. Ashley is a white woman who lives in South Carolina, but she feeds her sick mother – who has no health care – mustard and relish sandwiches. Now think about it, that does not make sense!

Why would a white woman, for a whole year, want to feed her sick mother mustard and relish sandwiches? Don’t she know that ramen noodles are cheaper? How can she afford ramen noodles when she works for free for Barack Obama? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with my racist pastor? Nothing.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it has nothing to do with my speech! It does not make sense! Look at me. I’m a senator running for President, and I’m talkin’ about Ashley! Does this make sense?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you’re in that voting booth deliberatin’ and conjugatin’ my Pastor’s whitey-hatin, does it make sense? No! Ladies and Gentlemen of this supposed country, it does not make sense! If Ashley feeds her mom mustard and relish sandwiches, you must vote for me – or you’re a racist! The campaign rests, G.D. America!

Look at the cankle! Look at the silly cankle!

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 80% Conservative, 20% Liberal Social Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal Personal Responsibility: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal Fiscal Issues: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal Ethics: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

Someone needs a shave...

And another drink, bartender!

And the reasons life's worth it all...