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Missionaries Travel From Africa To Bring The Gospel To United Methodist Church
Babylon Bee ^ | May 2, 2024 | Staff

Posted on 05/03/2024 8:00:19 AM PDT by Twotone

U.S. — A group of devout Christian missionaries has arrived all the way from Africa to reach the United Methodist Church and tell them about the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Upon hearing of the UMC's beliefs on life and social issues, a group of African believers felt a strong prodding from the Holy Spirit to venture into an entirely foreign culture and bring the Gospel to a dark and godless place.

"If we do not go, who will?" asked Abosede Adeyemi, a Nigerian Christian burdened to reach lost Americans. "These United Methodists are in urgent need of the Good News. It appears they have never read a Bible before. That is why we are launching a mission deep into the heart of the United States to tell them about Jesus Christ."

Adeyemi's church held several nights of prayer and fasting in preparation for sending off the team of missionaries. "God be with them," said church member Davu Negedu. "America is a dangerous, unpredictable place, but the Lord has commanded us to go into all the world and preach the Gospel, so we will send these people to the United Methodist Church to teach them what the Bible says."

Though the church had concerns about the missionaries' safety in the United States, everyone was joyful in fulfilling Christ's Great Commission, even to the unchurched masses of the United Methodist Church.

At publishing time, the African church was already preparing another missionary trip to take the Gospel to Andy Stanley.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; methodists; missionaries
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1 posted on 05/03/2024 8:00:19 AM PDT by Twotone
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To: Twotone

The Methodists appear to be on a verge of a Schism over issues of homosexuality.

I know denominations have had schisms in recorded history over various issues.

I never thought that acceptance of homosexuality would ever be such an issue with regard to religious denominations. But yet, that is where we are.


2 posted on 05/03/2024 8:03:33 AM PDT by Dilbert San Diego
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To: Twotone

The Bee’s skewering is well-deserved, but in actuality South Korea has many missionaries here in the U.S.


3 posted on 05/03/2024 8:06:43 AM PDT by Hebrews 11:6 ("The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed." Romans 8:19)
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To: Dilbert San Diego

It’s not just the acceptance of homosexuality in the UMC. It’s the celebration of the acceptance of homosexuality in the UMC and the “good riddance” they give to the Methodists who have separated from the UMC.

I’ve never seen such celebration of sin in a “church.” If homosexuality is just fine with God, then so is womanizing, affairs, premarital relations, casual sex, pedophilia, etc.

Yes, I am equating homosexuality to all sexual sin. Yes, I am equating sexual sin to all other sin.


4 posted on 05/03/2024 8:10:20 AM PDT by Nathan _in_Arkansas (Hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats. )
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To: Twotone

I almost bought this! I had to check if it was the bee!!


5 posted on 05/03/2024 8:17:37 AM PDT by Ikeon (My only issues with stupid people are, they encouraged to talk and post stupid opinions.. )
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To: Hebrews 11:6
The Bee’s skewering is well-deserved, but in actuality South Korea has many missionaries here in the U.S.

We had a couple of Korean pastors at our Methodist church in recent years. The most recent, a graduate of Fuller Theological Seminary (not our own ultra-woke seminary) was a traditionalist who preached that everything in the Old Testament points towards the Cross. However, the church rotates its pastors, and although the current one is a good friend of mine, she's very much a "liberal," as she describes herself.

6 posted on 05/03/2024 8:19:28 AM PDT by Fiji Hill
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To: Dilbert San Diego

>> The Methodists appear to be on a verge of a Schism over issues of homosexuality.

Not on the “verge” — it’s already happened. 25%-30% of congregations exited with their property. (The UMC holds essentially all church property in trust but for a brief time congregations could exit with their property if they paid enough ransom, the amount of which varied depending on the annual conference a congregation was in.)

Many of the departing congregations joined into the “Global Methodist Church” — a conservative denomination with Wesleyan Methodist bent. Others went independent or joined one of the other Methodist denoms (Nazarene, Free Methodist, etc.)

Now that the “+/- free exit” time is passed, the UMC will make it VERY costly for a church to exit with its property.

But look for a flood of individuals — and some clergy — to leave the Baal-worshipping UMC and find another church home in the next few years.

The UMC, graying as it is, will be a mere shadow of its former self, essentially dead within a decade.


7 posted on 05/03/2024 8:21:36 AM PDT by Nervous Tick ("First the Saturday people, then the Sunday people...": ISLAM is the problem!)
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To: Twotone

It’s funny because it’s so true.


8 posted on 05/03/2024 8:21:54 AM PDT by DouglasKC
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To: Fiji Hill

(a traditionalist who preached that everything in the Old Testament points towards the Cross.)

👍👍👍

✝️🙏🛐


9 posted on 05/03/2024 8:22:41 AM PDT by SaveFerris (Luke 17:28 ... as it was in the Days of Lot; They did Eat, They Drank, They Bought, They Sold ......)
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To: Nathan _in_Arkansas

“...affairs, premarital relations, casual sex...”
**************************************************************

I think the Methodists already went down that road a long time ago. Late 1960’s.

Once you start down that road there is no coming back. You just keep going down, and down.


10 posted on 05/03/2024 8:28:12 AM PDT by Sir Bangaz Cracka (Poor 'lil Travon bees slamming dat white cracka'a head into dat sidewalk causin he be scared)
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To: Twotone

What’s sad is that the UMC really does need Christian missionaries to bring the Word of God to their apostate and heretical souls.


11 posted on 05/03/2024 8:44:16 AM PDT by MeganC ("Russians are subhuman" - posted by Kazan 8 March 2024)
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To: Twotone

Good one, Bee.


12 posted on 05/03/2024 8:44:32 AM PDT by SaxxonWoods (Are you ready for Black Lives MAGA? It's coming.)
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To: Twotone

LMAO bump!


13 posted on 05/03/2024 8:58:03 AM PDT by Enterprise
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To: DouglasKC

It’s just tragic - and, bless them, the African leaders have already said in writing that they will not obey the revisions to the Book of Discipline dealing with sexual deviancy. I fully expect they will leave their church property and keep their churches (which, after all is the people). As The Colonel’s Wife said last night, “They started out meeting under the mango tree, they are well acquainted with worshiping with nothing.” Alleluia.


14 posted on 05/03/2024 9:00:52 AM PDT by jagusafr ( )
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To: Ikeon

i did buy it- sad that it sounded so real that its fooling folks- we actually might be considered a nation that needs proselytizing now-


15 posted on 05/03/2024 9:04:31 AM PDT by Bob434
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To: Twotone

I’ve learned of several foreign Christians being sent to America to evangelize us. Yes; we are that bad.


16 posted on 05/03/2024 9:09:09 AM PDT by MayflowerMadam (Navarro didn't kill himself.)
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To: Dilbert San Diego

The article is from the Bee but in reality-land, African Christians should send missionaries to Europe and America. They might start with Hollywood, Stockholm, Oxford, and Chapel Hill, NC.

The Methodist schism has already occurred. The Epworth Congregation in Phenix City, Alabama voted 190 to five to disaffiliate from the UMC and now they have settled into life without the corrupted higher-ups. Of the thousands of congregations that have left, many were the most dynamic that the UMC had. There were other issues as well such as the theology of liberation movement that subverted many Roman Catholics as well as Protestants.


17 posted on 05/03/2024 9:21:09 AM PDT by Monterrosa-24 (Saludemos la patria orgullosos)
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To: Nathan _in_Arkansas

The affirmation that homosexuality is morally acceptable for an ordained elder in the church does in fact signal an openness to every conceivable sin as an appropriate life style for church leaders. These deluded libertarians have codified sin as loved by God.
Bishop Garfield Bromley Oxnam of the UMC said not many years ago, “Your God is my Satan.” As a leading progressive in the UMC he was admonishing an elderly church member that her conservative views were not acceptable. Her response might have been, “Bishop. I might say the same to you.”


18 posted on 05/03/2024 9:29:36 AM PDT by Lou Foxwell (The bleak winter of catastrophe is upon us.)
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To: Fiji Hill

Fullerton is an epicenter, if not the actual headquarters, of the Korean missionary effort in America.


19 posted on 05/03/2024 9:30:06 AM PDT by Hebrews 11:6 ("The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed." Romans 8:19)
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To: DouglasKC

Some years ago, I had heard of a discussion of a time when some foreign country would feel the need of sending missionaries to America, which is supposed to be a Christian nation. Even tho this is by the BEE it is apparently true from what I hear.


20 posted on 05/03/2024 9:35:22 AM PDT by oldtech
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