Humor (General/Chat)
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NEW YORK, NY — In an outcome that was sure to shake the foundations of the entire country, the first criminal trial of a former president reached its close, as Donald Trump was convicted of being Donald Trump. The verdict was handed down today in a New York courtroom, with jurors unanimously agreeing that the evidence presented by the prosecution overwhelmingly proved that the defendant was indeed guilty of being Donald Trump. "It was an open and shut case," said prosecutor Joshua Steinglass. "There wasn't any way he could sit there being Donald Trump and just get away with...
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The U.S. Department of Labor (DOL) announced a holiday called “Menstrual Hygiene Day,” a day that is aimed at creating a period-friendly world for “menstruators.” In a post on X, the DOL shared a link to a blog post about Menstrual Hygiene Day and five ways that employers can make their workplaces “menstruation friendly” for “menstruators.” “To commemorate this Menstrual Hygiene Day, the Women’s Bureau is breaking down the stereotypes and stigmas that have made menstruation a taboo topic in the workplace,” the DOL’s blog post read. “Menstruation is a natural part of half our population’s life, and yet it...
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AUSTRALIA — Kangaroos hosted a press conference today calling for a stop to demeaning comparisons to the United States justice system. "Please, we beg you - stop comparing the U.S. legal system to a 'kangaroo court'. It's insulting to kangaroos everywhere," said kangaroo spokeswoman Savannah Buttercup. "We are proud of our superior judicial system and would never, ever behave like those clowns in New York." According to sources, kangaroos across the globe were infuriated by the sudden deluge of people comparing their justice system to America. "It's downright offensive. We kangaroos have a very fair system," explained Buttercup. "Misdemeanors result...
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The prosecution has finally rested in the criminal case against former President Trump, having presented nine bullet-proof pieces of evidence that prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Trump is guilty. Here they are: Trump said he's innocent: Exactly the sort of thing a guilty person would say. Before the trial, the prosecution's star witnesses both said Trump was innocent: It doesn't get any more cut and dry. The judge decided Trump was guilty before the trial even began: It was that obvious. No one in America has ever been charged with a felony for this crime before:...
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Residents posted videos showing the ground floor flooded with wastewater and reported a "persistent smell of feces" seeping into apartments on “every floor.” Mayak’s developer touts the complex as a "symbol of luxurious living" in an ecologically pure area with panoramic water views.
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Yesterday I had my first encounter with what is called an "Inclusive" Men's Restroom. What happened is that I went to an auditorium at the University of Miami where my nephew had his high school graduation ceremony. After a couple of hours, the ceremony concluded and we all exited.Of course, sitting there for a couple of hours, I had a nature call to take care of and looked for a restroom in that building just outside of the auditorium. Well, I soon found what was labeled on the door as an "INCLUSIVE" Men's Restroom. Even though nature was strongly calling...
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HOLLYWOOD, CA — Streaming service Peacock announced the release this week of a documentary that proves eating your own offspring is completely fine for humans because a few other animal species do it. "We just want to show how normal and natural it is to consume your own progeny," Peacock Producer Anna Grazer told the press. "Something like seven animal species on earth murder and eat their own kids, so humans shouldn't feel ashamed if they have a preference towards the same." Peacock producers have hyped the documentary as being completely revolutionary for human understanding of what behaviors are acceptable....
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Libertarian Party has concluded its convention and nominated its latest presidential candidate: a 20-foot-tall, rainbow-colored, glass bong. The gay, oversized marijuana smoking device edged out candidates RFK Jr., Donald Trump, and Sparklepaws the Transgender Furry to secure the coveted nomination to run for President this November. "Never has the Libertarian Party chosen a candidate that better represents its values, ambitions, and intellect," said Party Chair Angela McArdle while tripping on the complimentary edibles that were passed out at the convention. "I think it's even possible our beautiful glass candidate could secure up to .03% of the...
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Citizen Free Press @CitizenFreePres New creation from the Dilley Meme Team. Biden prepares for the debates. 1:51 VIDEO AT LINK....................
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WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former President Trump made a surprise appearance at the Libertarian Party Convention yesterday, but was met with a chorus of boos after the dozens of libertarians present realized Trump was wearing deodorant. "Boo! He smells good! Boo!" screamed Libertarian Party member Johnna Lundqvist. "It's very pleasant smelling, and I don't like it! Boooo!" According to sources, Trump's speech got off to a rocky start when he mentioned the revolutionary concept of winning elections. "Winning elections? Boo!!" yelled libertarian Donald McAdoo along with tens of others. "Look, look, he's wearing a suit! His hair looks well-kept! Boooo!!!"...
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This man was in an accident and was required to fill out an insurance claim form. The insurance company asked for additional information. In reply he said the following: "I am writing in response to your request for additional information for Block 3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of the accident. You stated in your letter that I should explain more fully. I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am an amateur radio operator. On the day of my accident I was working alone on the top of my new, 80-foot...
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Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first one said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered." "I think librarians are the easiest," said the second surgeon. "When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered." The third surgeon said, "I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded." The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and their behind are interchangeable."
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Times are tough at Disney subsidiaries, with even the one-time animation powerhouse Pixar being forced to make significant layoffs. With so much happening, knowing just which positions are being done away with can be helpful. The Babylon Bee has obtained the inside scoop and put together the following list of jobs being eliminated at Pixar: 1. Assistant Grooming Director: Though the lead Grooming Director still has a job, he will now have to groom without an assistant. 2. Gay Cartoon Intimacy Coordinator: In charge of overseeing all gay cartoon love scenes. 3. Senior Lame Narrative Developer: This was the person...
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South Park has taken aim at Lizzo as the animated series unrelentingly mocked Lizzo in an episode centered around celebrity use of Ozempic. The newly released episode is titled 'the end of obesity' and was released this week just as it was revealed what weight loss drug Scott Disick is on. The 36-year-old singer - born Melissa Viviane Jefferson - was lampooned on the long running mature animated series. In the special episode, fan favorite Eric Cartman - whose comedy comes from his size - goes to the doctor's office in hopes of scoring Ozempic amid the weight-loss craze. However,...
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