Posted on 02/02/2020 1:16:37 AM PST by Norski
WILLOW FALLS, NY—Pastor Chuck Nielsen of Foundations Church prides himself on his powerful, moving sermons.
But congregants began to grow concerned when Nielsen referenced articles from popular satire site The Babylon Bee in nearly every message.
"At first, we thought he was playing along, but it became increasingly clear that he thought the Bee was real news," said church member Edna Willis.
Nielsen has reportedly cited articles like "Elevation Church Debuts Water Slide Baptismal" and "Joel Osteen Sails Luxury Yacht Through Flooded Houston To Pass Out Copies Of 'Your Best Life Now'" to demonstrate how far the American church has fallen.
Worried church members staged an intervention.
"Pastor Chuck, we need to have a talk," said church secretary Betty Jameson. "We know how much you love The Babylon Bee, but --"
"Oh yes -- most reliable source of news out there!" Pastor Chuck replied enthusiastically. "I reference it for the latest facts about the church, politics, and current events often. I tell you what, I'd be up a creek if I didn't have the reporters at the Bee to keep me informed!"
"Yeah, about that..." she continued awkwardly. "It's... well, it's not real."
"What -- what do you mean?" he replied, confused. "It's fake? It can't be. It's on the internet and everything."
After several hours of explaining to the pastor how The Babylon Bee is satirical, he finally started to move through the stages of grief.
At publishing time, Pastor Chuck had discovered a new source of news to reference, The Onion.
I kinda think the punchline would have been better if it said CNN at the end.
Babylon Bee is REAL. Don’t believe the hype.
Babylon Bee is more credible than CNN, NBC & ABC.
jk
The BB is very hit or miss for me.
I either really laugh or don’t even chuckle.
But what the hell, they contribute more laughs to the board than I do :)
Morning dp!
My wife loved this one:
Man In Critical Condition After Hearing Slightly Differing Viewpoint
BTW - I really don't have a dog in the fight for the Superbowl, but I really hope Jimmy Garoppolo has a great game. It would be good to see your paisano have a great game!
The LA Times really wrote this:
Jimmy Garoppolo calls Erin Andrews ‘baby’ on national TV
Can you believe these people?
Better not ever tell some one: "Baby, it's cold outside." You might get arrested.
I’m rooting for my paesano!! Thank you for remembering I’m paesano :)
The “Man in critical condition..” post was Really Funny lol
Good morning right back to you!
I’m a paesano myself but will not be pulling for SF. One of the players when asked if he would go to the WH if they won said, “It’s to early to tell but probably not”
On the other hand the KC players including their qb Mahomes have exhibited pro Christian sentiments as well as support for our President.
I am sort of rooting for the Chiefs as well. But, not all the 49ers are leftists.
Check out this article about Nick Bosa.
'Nobody really cares': Jimmy Garoppolo and Richard Sherman dismiss Nick Bosa's old tweets
Sherman added that he doesn't believe any other teammates will find Bosa's old tweets — in which he called Colin Kaepernick a "clown," Beyonce's music "complete trash," and Black Panther the "worst Marvel movie" — a problem going forward. "It's not like something where guys are like, 'Hey man, what about what you said?' No. No. If he can play, he can play. If he can't play, he won't be here," Sherman said. "But at the end of the day, that's all that matters in football. Is he getting sacks on Sunday? Is he helping our team? Is he being a good teammate? Those are things that matter. Now, if he's a bad teammate, that's something we'll address."
Beyoncé music trash?! Kaepernick a clown?! Calling out the crapfest of the Black Panther movie?!
Lol.
I like the kid Mahomes anyway and I suppose part of it is a strong dislike for anything to do with California.
I hear some people are going to play some sort of game during the breaks between commercial programs.
I got nuthin’
Especially given the source...
Thanks for the morning laugh!
Done.
“In Major Deal, The Babylon Bee Purchases Competing Satire Site CNN”
https://babylonbee.com/news/the-babylon-bee-purchases-competing-satire-site-cnn-for-12-billion
Wait. Whut?
All my time spent believing they were the paper of record, that they were purveyors of truth, journalists with impeccable credentials......
Gone.
Will they now tell us the man with the crease in his pants wasn’t the smartest super hero ever? That the Easter bunny isn’t real?
Lol
“Babylon Bee is REAL. Don’t believe the hype.
Babylon Bee is more credible than CNN, NBC & ABC.”
I was just thinking the same. Rush often has a similar problem to the Babylon Bee - he says something outrageous regarding what the Dems may do in the future, just for effect, you know, for humor, never thinking it could happen (like a major presidential candidate choosing a cabinet official running an $80 Billion department based on the approval of a pre-teen cross-dresser) - and then guess what...
From your story:
Andrews asked him how it felt to be undefeated halfway through the season.
Without hesitation, the one-time Tom Brady backup replied, “Feels great, baby.”
That’s it? WTF are they complaining about?
I know. The LA Times said in the story:
"But if he really was flirting with Andrews — or trying to demean her in any way — that’s completely unacceptable."
Because, you know, unmarried heterosexual men cannot flirt. I think it's a felony, or something.
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“...part of it is a strong dislike for anything to do with California.”
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