Skip to comments.A New Google Doc of Media Men
Posted on 01/30/2018 9:48:57 PM PST by nickcarraway
Once the xxxxy media men list was made public, many asked, Where will we draw the line? Who will be next? Will there be another list?? It appears there is. The mild-mannered men in media list has now been revealed.
At first glance, you might wonder, Do these missteps really rise to the level of civil or criminal offenses? If thats your reaction, then youre missing the point. My intention is merely to begin a conversation about men who wear thin belts and brag about their low-residency MFA programs. From there, the healing can perhaps begin.
Mild-Mannered Men in Media
Name: Rick Sauerbratz Alleged Misconduct: Says ohh sorry, a lot, makes weird sound? like woop! constantly retweets Rachel Maddow, pretended not to know who Lady Gaga is. Notes: Got mustard on his Cooks Illustrated and spent ENTIRE staff mtg looking totally butthurt wiping it off w toilet paper (also says he doesnt know what a fitbit is) WEIRD/OLD
Name: Lewis Breadloaf Alleged Misconduct: Obsessed with Joseph Mitchell, says touché a lot, reads Harpers next to water cooler rocking back and forth on heels w/one hand on his back, said Lemonade was OK. Notes: Several women have run into him on dates at Union Pool (is this the only place he ever goes on dates) < (YES. IT IS)
Name: Joe Ploughshares Alleged Misconduct: Will always ask you to look at memes, watches reaction proudly like he made them himself, has theory about La Croix flavors, broke up with girlfriend because she wasnt a serious reader. Notes: Compulsively quotes Dorthy Parker, when everyone knows her quotes are mostly misattributed.
Name: Pickford Albatross Alleged Misconduct: Says nice kicks, new? Emailed cat person to women two weeks after it came out and was like have you read 😂😂😂 Notes: Heats up same kale burrito from TJs every day (I know this is a little petty but he always has refried beans on his (widewale) cords)
Name: Taylor Piston Alleged Misconduct: Says boop! which is worse than woop especially when stopping elevator, complains about price of subway, thinks hes a socialist, just basically the worst. Notes: Went to Times cafeteria with him once and there was all this amazing food and he got this gross muffin - BAD scarves!
Name: Jorge Malone Alleged Misconduct: Pulls at throat and stands at 30 degree angle to wall while talking to wife on phone, retweets Bernie and writes THIS: above the tweet. Notes: Looks SO MAD but never says anything ? ? Also like says he has soft spot for Norman Mailer so - I mean - please.
Name: Tim Sesameseed Alleged Misconduct: Still wears gingham shirts, gets why Cormac McCarthy is problematic but still constantly references. Notes: Has asked me like four times if I have heard of Ben Lerner.
Name: Cole Hammer Alleged Misconduct: Refuses to use tinder because he thinks its impersonal, wont look at memes ever, even really funny ones, uses fountain pen, total douche. Notes: Seems like he thinks hes an old man in a cartoon < THIS!
Name: Jordan Percale Alleged Misconduct: Constantly says wife is swiss-german not swiss like anyone gives a shit, boring story abt taking 11 year old to see Killing of a Sacred deer that he loves. Notes: Wont shut up about Montclair - yes total montclair STAN so fucking annoying
Name: Davis O. Mansion Alleged Misconduct: Says nice going when you drop something then apologizes if you dont laugh, says his time at MacDowell was magical. Notes: Macdowell YEAH SHUT UP ABOUT MACDOWELL Also. Get. Thicker. Belt. Now.
Not sure but, I think it’s supposed to be funny.
I was lost. I suspect this was written for an audience of one.
Sarah Miller is sexist (and not funny). /s (see I can stereotype as well as she can.)
It’s like a seventh grade slam book. Just right for journalists.
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