Skip to comments.Barack Obama's New Years resolutions
Posted on 12/31/2010 11:12:07 AM PST by jpf
I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but a friend of a friend of mine knows this guy who met a woman who was once hit on at a party by Julian Assange. Julian asked for her phone number but she gave him the number of a drug store in Toledo instead.
Julian must have assumed that he wrote it down wrong because he didn't give up but instead used his considerable talents to track her down. We'll call her Sheila because I always change the names to protect the guilty.
So Julian kept writing Sheila these strange little love notes, which mercifully stopped after about 5 months. That was much to Sheila's relief because she was seriously thinking about relocating and changing her name. On the back of the last creepy love note she discovered an unreleased wikileak. Evidently Julian had run out of flowered stationary.
Turns out Julian had stumbled across the contents of President Obama's waste basket. Apparently a friend of a friend of his, knew this guy... forget it, what follows is a rough draft of Barack Obama's New Years resolutions for 2011... at least that's what Sheila says it is and I believe her.
My resolutions for 2011:
1. Quit smoking for real this time 2. Convert to Christianity 3. Create Find that Birth Certificate (consider leaking it through wikileaks) 4. Take Joe Biden to the mall of America and ditch him just to see if he can find his own way back 5. Make a point of getting to know David Cameron on a deep personal level 6. Be more like Bill Clinton 7. Fire Hillary 8. Make a point of looking more pained and uncertain when talking about Afghanistan 9. Learn what really makes the economy grow, then ignore it (did that already in 2009 and 2010) 10. When asked by Michelle if something makes her look fat, answer NO without hesitation. No shifting in my seat, just answer immediately, "Of course not honey, don't be silly." 11. No more car analogies 12. Sell things better. Get out there and sell, sell, sell. (see #6)
Well that's it, like I said this was a rough draft, maybe he gave up on the whole resolution thing all together. Do you do resolutions? We have a poll, of course, over in the sidebar.
I prefer to review what I've learned from 2010 rather than make resolutions for the next year. It's more painful and humiliating, but far more realistic. Does it help? Do we learn from our mistakes? Not if you're Vice President of the United States you don't.
Something about the new year, especially when you're younger makes you think you can turn the page, be someone different. It's an illusion but a nice illusion. Maybe it's too late to be a relief pitcher for the Phillies, but maybe in striving to become one you play catch with your son or daughter more often.
It gets harder to believe in yourself when you get older, you know yourself too well to ever really think you can change. Not all change is good either as we've learned. But you have changed haven't you? I know you're around you so often you don't notice, but seriously, aren't you a better person than you were five years ago? Yeah, neither am I. I'll keep trying if you do.
Okay, so what I've learned in 2010;
1. Even Barack Obama can't talk his way out of everything 2. I will never again attack fruitcake on this blog 3. The New York Yankees can't buy everything they want (thank you Cliff Lee) 4. If you leak anything which embarrasses the United States, Daniel Ellsberg and his friends will come out of the woodwork to defend you, no matter what it is you leaked and who it hurts 5. I need to be more concise and not repeat myself as much 6. I need to be more positive... then again I'm going to be writing about Afghanistan in January... 7. Apparently the Collin Street Bakery in Corsicana Texas makes really good fruitcake. 8. Keith Olbermann is going to provide great material for this blog in 2011. Why I could devote the whole blog to him, but I might get ill 9. Tucker Carlson has burned his bow ties 10. Michael Vick is living proof that some people can be scared straight by prison. I also learned that its less dangerous defending Julian Assange than Michael Vick and how screwed up is that?
I'm not world famous for my sincerity, but in all seriousness, thank you for coming to this blog. I hope your Holidays have been great so far, may you and your loved ones be safe and Happy in the coming year. Happy New Year!
Happy New Year everyone.
Thanks for not excerpting!
Funny...I don’t remember anyone smearing Assange in this sleazy way when he was releasing the classified Climategate memos.
I think Baraq has a bleak future, LOL.
Imaging running for POTUS with a record of 4 yrs @ 10% unemployment and $5 gasoline?
You’ve made enviable progress on the fruitcake issue. Keep it up so that us “Fruit Cakers” won’t have to flame you this time.
You’ve been warned.
“When asked by Michelle if something makes her look fat, answer NO without hesitation”
Stick to that one at least, Mr. President!
Or run the danger of being knocked out frequently!
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