Posted on 08/28/2013 9:59:40 AM PDT by Kaslin
I spent last week driving across the country – all the way from Colorado to North Carolina. I started my trip in a liberal city and I ended my trip in a liberal city. Along the way, I saw a lot of stupid liberal bumper stickers. I thought of a lot of responses to those stupid bumper stickers. I also thought it would be a real crime if I didn’t share them with you. Here are my top ten.
1. This is Not a Medical Instrument. (This bumper sticker had a picture of a coat hanger on it). Thanks. I already knew that a coat hanger isn’t a medical instrument. That’s why a woman shouldn’t insert one into her vagina in order to kill her unborn child. I plan to get a bumper sticker with a gun on it saying “And this isn’t a medical instrument either. Keep it out of your vagina. And stop claiming a right to kill an innocent baby in a clean and sterile environment.” Unfortunately, it would take a bumper wider than the First Lady’s fanny to capture the idea.
2. How Can You Be Pro Life and Eat Dead Animals? I don’t know. I guess the same way I can drive by a dead squirrel on the highway but would feel compelled to stop if I saw a dead person. Similarly, I guess I can’t equate a dead squirrel with a dead baby. And, yes, I do shoot and eat squirrels. I’m from Mississippi. Don’t judge me. You don’t know what you’re missing.
3. Stop Global Warming. Ok, let’s do that. While we’re at it, let’s print bumper stickers saying “Stop Continental Drift.” It will remind people that every problem is a human problem with a government solution.
4. War is not the Answer. Ok. What was the question? I was fondling my new Taurus Judge when I saw that one. And stop honking at me in traffic while I’m busy reloading with a fresh batch of 45 long colts.
5. Love Wins. I saw that one on I-64 East somewhere in West Virginia. Who cares if she’s your cousin? Or even your little sister. Love wins! And pass the fried squirrel, Jethro!
6. I like my president like I like my coffee. Strong, Smooth, and Black. Oh, really? When did Michelle Obama get elected president? You can’t be talking about Barack. He’s not strong. In fact, when he turns sideways and sticks out his tongue, he looks like a zipper. He’s not smooth without a TelePrompTer. And saying he’s black is really only a half-truth.
7. Brake for Moose. This is educational. Every time I see a moose, I hit the accelerator and try to drive right through the thousand pound animal. But you’re saying I should brake instead. This is good information.
8. Question Authority. Ok, I spoke too soon. I didn’t see your “Question Authority” sticker next to the “Brake for Moose” sticker. Therefore, I’m going to have to question your authority and drive right through that moose. Or should I question your authority to tell me to question authority and just ignore you altogether? This is all so darned self-defeating. It’s sort of like an only child asking his brother for advice.
9. CHOICE. I can’t figure this one out. Does it celebrate God’s choice to give life to the unborn? Or does it celebrate mommy’s choice to take the life away so she can have a career? Does this mean all choices are intrinsically good? I need to know this because the sticker makes me want to “choose” to hit my accelerator and run into it like it was a big moose bull crossing the interstate.
10. COEXIST. Ok, wait a second. You’ve got a “COEXIST” sticker right next to your “CHOICE” sticker. So you think Muslims and Jews should just learn to coexist or, in the words of Rodney King, “all just get along?” Then, why can’t you just coexist with the unborn? If you can’t coexist forever, why not just coexist for a few months until birth. There are plenty of adoptive parents – most of whom don’t sport “COEXIST” bumper stickers – who would be willing to coexist with your child in a loving and supportive household. We can’t kill 22% of our children and then teach the remaining 78% that killing is wrong. War on the unborn is not the answer!
Just do me favor, liberal drivers. Go get a razor blade and take off all those stupid liberal bumper stickers. But please be careful not to cut yourself in the process. A razor blade is not a medical instrument. And stop questioning my authority to call you out on your sanctimonious hypocrisy.
Personally I detest the "Coexist" stickers (except for the ones that use firearms logos). Try coexisting with typhus or the Black Death. Best of luck.
“WALK”
On a car.
the real democrat obama sticker - i like my coffee like my president - weak, overhyped, expensive, and with half and half.
Please go “Coexist” in the Tribal Areas of Pakistan.
Come back in a few years and let me know how it went.
“Personally I detest the “Coexist” stickers”
Same here. Those are the ones I try to run over and sideswipe on the freeway.
the coexist made with the gun brands’ logos is my coexist sticker.
ROTFLMAOPIMP!!!
OPERATION DESERT CLOWNOPERATION DESERT CLOWN OPERATION DESERT CLOWN  |
Here are some suggestions for number 1.
Hire a medical hitman, support abortion.
When criminals are put to death they have had a trial.
Don’t outsource abortion, strangle your own damn baby.
Having once hit a small white-taial deer, I am damn sure going to brake for any moose.
Size matters.
Who says?
Maybe the “coexisters” should try it awhile for themselves before inflicting it on others.
LOVE WINS
I love wins too. When was the last time we fought a war to win?
I’d love to win one once in a while...
Drive an old police cruiser with a crash bar and have all kinds of fun.
Don't ask.
I like my coffee like my president - weak, overhyped, expensive, and with half and half.
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