Skip to comments.Venezuelans Lead World in Weight Loss [semi-satire]
Posted on 02/24/2018 2:22:29 AM PST by John Semmens
Last year the inhabitants of Venezuela led the world in weight loss with an average decline in weight of 24 lbs. per person. President Nicolas Maduro lamented that "the outcome would've been even better if more of the largest losers had been able to survive. Still, we are showing the gringos how to fight climate change."
Former US President Barack Obama hailed the country's mass starvation method of weight loss as "a remarkable shrinkage of Venezuela's carbon footprint. The sacrifices made by their people to reduce global warming have been truly heroic. One of my biggest regrets is that I was unable to lead the United States to make a similar effort. Our prosperity feeds our gluttony at the expense of the planet's environment. More than 70% of Americans are obese. It's a sad contrast to the nobility shown by Venezuela's amazingly lean people and its government's bold leadership."
While many might consider the price the people of that country have paid for this environmental achievementhunger, poverty, and deathexcessive, Maduro boasts that "socialism has cured a problem that capitalistic societies have created. Rather than rape the land with our plows to grow food to make us fat, our people have eaten garbage the bloated Yankee pigs would consider spoiled, rotten, or stale and thrown away. This is why, like cockroaches, progressive societies will prevail when the veneer of civilization is torn down and cast aside."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
Do they have weight loss tourism?
I have a few extra to shed!
Because making fun of starving people is so amusing.
Pretty good one. Too bad that most of the public wouldn’t even get it because they have no idea that people in Venezuela are starving and why.
What all communist countries have in common: mass starvation. What happened in Russia and China are the most horrific man caused catastrophies since the Mongol Horde.
Are we really going to keep this garbage on FR.
Ah, c’mon. I find Mr. Semmens’ stuff amusing. Your sense of humor obviously doesn’t mesh with his.
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