NY Guv Has Identity Crisis [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 Apr 2018 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Nervous that left-wing loon and former "Sex and the City" star Cynthia Nixon will oust him in the Democratic primary this coming September, Gov. Andrew Cuomo is trying to convince voters that he is all things to all people. In saner eras, the standard Democratic ploy was to promise an array of government-funded goodies to constituents. Now, though, Cuomo seems determined to persuade the gullible that he is "a Muslim, a Jew, a gay, a woman, a transgender, a criminal, an undocumented immigrant—I am every person, except a straight white male, and am the most perfect candidate to represent this great state as its governor."

In a bid to prove he is "not all talk and no action," Cuomo unilaterally granted 35,000 convicted felons the right to vote after the state legislature declined to change existing state law that bars felons from voting. "Sometimes a law is just plain wrong," the Governor asserted. "I'm not the kind of guy who will sit around and wait for the legislative process to work if it's not getting the job done."

The mechanism the Governor has settled on is to grant every parolee a pardon as soon as he is released from prison. Richard Azzopardi, a spokesman for the governor, called the move "limited in scope. We're not totally restoring all their civil rights. We're only restoring their right to vote."

Nixon wondered "why should Democratic voters accept such a poseur? My opponent is none of the identities he is trying to claim. I am actually both gay and a woman. I do find it telling that the only concrete action he IS taking is not on behalf of oppressed law-abiding minorities, but usurping legislative authority to reward persons who have been convicted of preying upon innocent victims."

Numerous undocumented immigrants in the state also expressed outrage at the Governor's claims. One of them asking not to be identified by name said "his parents weren't immigrants, his family wasn't poor, and he has no idea what it's like to be undocumented. He will not be getting my vote."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,313009.new.html#new

[Redbob]

So... if your opponent is a loon, does that mean you also have to be a loon?

I guess that, in NY State at least, the answer is “Yes.”

[Jimmy Valentine]

Jimmy Walker please call in. New York needs you.

[bigbob]

You’ll appreciate this from Twitter, made me LOL:

“BREAKING: The Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has overturned Kim-Jong Un’s decision. North Korea will resume nuclear testing.”

[Still Thinking]

Now, though, Cuomo seems determined to persuade the gullible that he is "a Muslim, a Jew, a gay, a woman, a transgender, a criminal, an undocumented immigrant

So....like James Watt's assessment of the Reagan cabinet?

[antidemoncrat]

“Cuomo seems determined to persuade the gullible that he is “a Muslim, a Jew, a gay, a woman, a transgender, a criminal, an undocumented immigrant”
He has been everything except an effective governor.

[Mark]

I’m sure that Cuomo IDENTIFIES himself as a female lesbian.