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Mayor Blames Street Violence on Businesses [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 29 Apr 2018 | John Semmens

Posted on 04/30/2018 10:21:32 AM PDT by John Semmens

Baltimore Mayor Catherine Pugh blamed the City’s surging murder rate on local businesses. “First of all, most of this City’s retail businesses are open too late,” she lamented. “Keeping your doors open after dark is asking for trouble. This is a time when people should be at home with their families and not be forced to go out to buy things.”

“Second, their prices are too high,” she continued. “If merchandise didn’t cost so much people wouldn’t be forced to commit crimes just to be able to afford groceries and liquor. It shouldn’t surprise us that people would use the cover of darkness to rob the businesses or kill customers who come out late to shop.”

“In an ideal world all property would be collectively produced and owned,” the Pugh envisioned. “Then there would be such a surplus of goods and services that stealing would no longer be necessary to survive. Most people wouldn’t have to work and could pick up whatever they needed from government distribution centers during daylight hours.”

The mayor regretted that “I don’t have an answer yet on how we get from here to that ideal world. I did hear that California is experimenting with the decriminalization of theft. Maybe if just taking whatever you want from whoever has it is legal then there would be a fairer distribution and less fighting over it.”

In related news, Marquette University Professor Jodi Melamed delivered a lecture at St. Olaf College where she argued that individual liberties are the cause of social violence. “The only ethically sound social system is communism,” she contended. “Under communism all property belongs to the collective and everyone is free to meet their needs by drawing on this communal wealth. It is the resistance of those under the delusion that they are individuals that leads to trouble when they selfishly hoard more than they need. Naturally, those seeking a more equitable distribution are forced to wrest the hoarded wealth from their oppressors. If blood has to be shed for them to get what they deserve it is not their fault.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://azconservative.org/2018/04/28/nhs-insists-alfie-must-die/


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: business; crime; democrats; maryland; mayor; police; satire; socialism

1 posted on 04/30/2018 10:21:33 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Sadly, I could clearly see Mayor Stuck on Stupid saying just those things.

The Police Commissioner just apologized at a rap concert for 200 years of policing.

They seem to be stuck on hiring progressive commissioners who don’t really want to fight crime. I moved to Maryland in 2009. This guy is their fourth commissioner in that time.

What a joke.


2 posted on 04/30/2018 10:31:10 AM PDT by cyclotic ( We’re the first ones taxed, the last ones considered and the first ones punished)
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To: John Semmens

Yes, politicians are this stupid, but what does that say about those who keep electing these imbeciles?


3 posted on 04/30/2018 11:01:23 AM PDT by shanover (...To disarm the people is the best and most effectual way to enslave them.-S.Adams)
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To: John Semmens; Tolerance Sucks Rocks

MD ping!


4 posted on 04/30/2018 12:39:29 PM PDT by the OlLine Rebel (Common sense is an uncommon virtue./Federal-run medical care is as good as state-run DMVs.)
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To: cyclotic

Not so long ago we had one of the greatest and most innovative police departments nationwide.

Apologizing for that? No thanks.


5 posted on 04/30/2018 12:41:13 PM PDT by the OlLine Rebel (Common sense is an uncommon virtue./Federal-run medical care is as good as state-run DMVs.)
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To: the OlLine Rebel

I seem to recall reading something about that. Was it the NRA sponsored gun crime minimum jail time program?


6 posted on 04/30/2018 12:56:55 PM PDT by cyclotic ( We’re the first ones taxed, the last ones considered and the first ones punished)
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To: cyclotic

No, 200 years of greatness.

Police dogs, everything. Things no one else did before.


7 posted on 04/30/2018 7:47:45 PM PDT by the OlLine Rebel (Common sense is an uncommon virtue./Federal-run medical care is as good as state-run DMVs.)
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To: John Semmens; 100American; Abundy; Albion Wilde; AlwaysFree; AnnaSASsyFR; bayliving; BFM; ...

Maryland “Freak State” PING!


8 posted on 05/02/2018 12:38:05 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks ( The US Constitution ....... Invented by geniuses and God .... Administered by morons ......)
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