Skip to comments.Dick’s Lobbies for Gun Control [semi-satire]
Posted on 05/08/2018 11:22:58 AM PDT by John Semmens
Unsatisfied that its own decision to stop selling rifles to those younger than 21 years of age sufficiently addresses the companys concerns about gun safety, Dicks Sporting Goods has hired Glover Park Group, a DC-based government affairs firm, to lobby Congress for more gun control laws.
CEO Edward Stack complained that its unfair that our firm has to totally bear the brunt of lessened sales of these weapons. As it stands now, our heroic and unselfish refusal to sell rifles to people who shouldnt be allowed to have them merely sends people to our competitors to buy them. This hurts our profits while augmenting the profits of our irresponsible rivals. This is egregiously unfair.
When the government wanted to curb alcoholism it didnt rely on businesses to voluntarily refrain from selling liquor, Stack pointed out. It outlawed sales by all businesses. All we are seeking here is a similar leveling of the playing field. If Congress were to ban every store and individual from selling these dangerous weapons it would not only have a better chance of reducing gun violence, it would also treat responsible businesses more fairly.
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Stop posting this stupid fake news
I semi get it.
Soon to be known as “Dick’s Hobbies”...your home for knitting yarn, poster board, and pretty markers in all colors of the rainbow for all your pussyhat and protest needs.
Oh, you meant the sporting goods store, I was thinking something else 😉
How about "Limp Dicks" ?
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