Skip to comments.Dems Mull Election Message [semi-satire]
Posted on 05/26/2018 1:43:40 AM PDT by John Semmens
Democrats have yet to reach a consensus on what message might resonate most favorably with voters this Fall. Citing a poll finding that 60% of voters don't believe the Mueller probe has uncovered any crimes, Democratic strategist Jesse Ferguson suggested that "we need to focus our message on the successes of the investigation. Granted, there hasn't yet been any evidence of Russian collusion, but several people have been indicted for other crimes." Almost all of these "other crimes" involve lying to federal agents. The one seemingly significant crime not in this category is the charge that Paul Manafort engaged in suspicious accounting that may have been deployed to "launder" money back in 2006.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) says she is "blessed by the abundance of potential winning messages. Right now, I'm thinking that a campaign against the 'culture of corruption' in DC might be our strongest case for electing more Democrats. I know that Trump's 'drain the swamp' rhetoric has proven popular. What if we neutralize that by usurping his ownership of that message? With the aid of a media barrage from CNN, NBC, ABC, etc. maybe we can convince voters that Democrats are the party that stands for honesty and justice, especially when we draw a contrast to the scandal-free eight years when President Obama ruled."
"On the other hand, the disastrous economic policies of the Trump Administration strike me as presenting us with a lot of ammunition," Pelosi offered. "He foolishly scattered crumbs to taxpayers while starving vital government programs of resources that could have been put to better use. Now, millions of Americans who we used to take care of have been pushed into the labor force. A lot of the progress Obama made in freeing these people from the soul-killing drudgery of wage-slavery has been undone. Perhaps we can resurrect the historic 'peace and bread' message that transformed Russia a hundred years ago."
"Or maybe voters are tired of Trump's dehumanization of immigrants," Pelosi mused. "The Latino cohort of our Party's voting block cannot help but be energized if we come out strongly against his racist slander of MS-13 and his threat to withhold foreign aid to countries that don't do enough to keep members of this organization from coming here. After all, America is a nation of immigrants with a rich and varied mosaic of culturally diverse values and behaviors. Democrats embrace and nurture these differences. We want to give more of the world's people the same opportunities that Trump would selfishly hoard for natural born citizens. Maybe we should follow the lead of forward thinking states like California that are extending voting rights to non-citizens. There are tens of millions more votes to be had if we make this issue a key plank of our platform."
An opportunity thus far overlooked by most Democratic Party luminaries is Trump's recent executive order requiring federal employees to spend at least 75% of their time on the job actually working. Surely, this cruel and unusual punishment summarily curtailing employees on-the-job leisure activities is something that voters will turn out in droves to elect Democrats who pledge to reverse such an injustice, as has socialist stalwart Sen. Bernie Sanders (S-Vt), who likened Trump's order to "a virtual reintroduction of slavery. His manifest intent is to decrease the size of government by dismissing redundant and non-performing employees. This is a step backward in our nation's evolution toward a more socially just society."
Meanwhile, single-issue voter and former Planned Parenthood CEO, Cecile Richards also used an anti-slavery meme to suggest that Democrats emphasize "that they are the Party of abortion rights. No woman is truly free if she is prevented from terminating an unwanted pregnancy. Trump is the most anti-abortion president we've ever had. Republicans who give lip-service to the pro-lifers are bad enough. If we allow Trump to get more of his kind into office the gains we've made since 1973 will be in grave danger. Getting this message across to every female voter is vital if we want to avert this fate."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
Things to always remember when talking to any law enforcement. Get a lawyer. Be an actor. My suggestion of those to emulate are Harpo Marx without the antics or Silent Bob.
The dems could adopt a catchy slogan like, ‘Make America Great Again’!
“I’m with It”
They need to have a slogan with the Hillary in it.
I’m still with her.
Hillary should have won and you’re a racist.
What’s wrong with a bobble-headed president?
The Russians need nuclear fuel too.
LOL I knew this would be a great one... Thanks John.
Democrats election message same as it always is we are your keeper and everything is free...................................
It’s looking ever less “semi,” John!!
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