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‘Devastating’ Federal Payroll Cut {semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 3 June 2018 | John Semmens

Posted on 06/04/2018 11:15:42 AM PDT by John Semmens

News that the Trump Administration has eliminated 24,000 federal government jobs was described as “devastating” by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif). The cut amounts to less than 1% of the total federal government workforce.

“Taking a ‘meat axe’ approach is destroying the finely tuned machine that kept America humming during the eight years President Obama ran the country. Federal workers are the employees who make the rules that tell everyone else what to do. The loss of so many vital cogs in the machinery of government will no doubt lead to widespread confusion and chaos.”

“Not only will the nation suffer from Trump’s ignorance of how the country works, but the human cost to these hard-working public servants will be severe,” she added. “Unlike the skills needed to thrive in the private sector, the skills of crafting regulations and processing forms are not easily transferable. I wouldn’t be surprised to see thousands of those cut from the federal payroll end up homeless, depressed and drunk…or worse. In the absence of sensible gun control laws how many of these unfortunates will go on killing sprees?”

The former Speaker called on state and local governments “to take up the slack. Thankfully, at the same time Trump has been cutting jobs, states have added 2,000 and local governments 6,000 new positions. This is an encouraging start, but we will need to see at least a tripling of this effort just to break even.”

Meanwhile, in the private sector, the number of employed Americans has set a new high—the 9th such since Trump’s assumption of the presidency. The number of employed men and women set new record highs. Unemployment for Blacks and Hispanics also hit record lows. Unsurprisingly, two-thirds of respondents now say that the economy is strong—a finding that long-time Democratic pollster John Zogby called “a bad omen for our Party in the upcoming November election.”

In related news, Rep. Jacky Rosen (D-Nev) charged that the Trump-designed and Republican-passed tax cut has “unfairly rigged the upcoming Nevada senatorial election against me.” Her complaint relates to the increased take home pay her campaign staff has experienced since the new tax law went into effect. “The extra $400 a month my campaign manager is getting is sapping his enthusiasm and diluting my message to Nevada voters.” Rosen demanded that Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller “add this latest example of collusion between Trump and the GOP-controlled Congress to interfere in the next election to the list of crimes he is investigating.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://azconservative.org/2018/06/02/devastating-federal-payroll-cut/


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: bureaucrats; democrats; regulations; satire

1 posted on 06/04/2018 11:15:43 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Funny, Crazy Nancy never complained when Silicon Valley terminated 50k, in 2002 and replaced them with workers in India.
Many were required to train in their replacements.


2 posted on 06/04/2018 11:22:01 AM PDT by Zathras
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To: John Semmens

This one was really, really good. I found myself believing every word, as I read it, even knowing it was satire.


3 posted on 06/04/2018 11:24:20 AM PDT by UCANSEE2 (Lost my tagline on Flight MH370. Sorry for the inconvenience.)
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To: John Semmens

Now, cut 1% of the budget every year for 7 years, and we have a balanced budget.


4 posted on 06/04/2018 11:24:24 AM PDT by Mr. K (No consequence of repealing Obamacare is worse than Obamacare itself.)
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To: John Semmens

Hey federal government folks, you should “do more with less” as our private sector employers often tell those remaining after layoffs. The federal government is being “right-sized.”


5 posted on 06/04/2018 11:28:24 AM PDT by Cecily
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To: John Semmens
Money quote from Pelosi:

"Federal workers are the employees who make the rules that tell everyone else what to do."

She actually really said it with a straight face as though it were a good thing!
 

6 posted on 06/04/2018 11:45:59 AM PDT by Governor Dinwiddie (MAGA in the mornin', MAGA in the evenin', MAGA at suppertime . . .)
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To: John Semmens

More fake news. Hate blog pimps on FR.


7 posted on 06/04/2018 11:47:36 AM PDT by FatherofFive (Islam is EVIL and needs to be eradicated)
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To: John Semmens

You were doing okay right up until the part about the Democrat actually paying her campaign staff.

Everyone knows the Democrats almost always screw their own employees.


8 posted on 06/04/2018 12:07:53 PM PDT by MeganC (There is nothing feminine about feminism.)
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To: Governor Dinwiddie

Money quote from Pelosi:

“Federal workers are the employees who make the rules that tell everyone else what to do.”

She actually really said it with a straight face as though it were a good thing! “””

She also said it as tho it were legal for that to happen !!!!


9 posted on 06/04/2018 1:17:21 PM PDT by ridesthemiles
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To: ridesthemiles

We could painlessly cut the federal workforce through attrition. No one need be fired. But upon the death or resignation or retirement of any federal worker, simply do not replace them.


10 posted on 06/04/2018 2:52:33 PM PDT by huckfillary
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To: John Semmens

Pelosi calls it devastating,but I bet many workers in the private sector are calling it by another name.


11 posted on 06/04/2018 8:19:11 PM PDT by oldtech
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