Skip to comments.Mueller Indicts 12 Russian Spies [semi-satire]
Posted on 07/14/2018 12:49:42 AM PDT by John Semmens
Desperate to divert attention from the smirking and demonic Peter Strzok, Special Counsel Robert Mueller sent Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein out to announce a second round of indictments of Russians for interfering with the 2016 election. This follows the February indictment of 13 Russian firms that seems to have fizzled.
The gist of the charges is that 12 Russian cyber spies penetrated Democratic Party computers via a "phishing" scheme and used this access to obtain and publish confidential Party communications that embarrassed the Democrats.
"The scheme was remarkably simple," Rosenstein said. "An email containing the link hillary-clinton-favorable-rating.xlsx was sent to multiple Democratic National Committee email addresses. When recipients clicked on this link it downloaded malware onto their computers that allowed the spies to read every keystroke from that point forward. A similar email link hillary-clinton-unfavorable-rating.xlsx was sent to the Republican National Committee, but no recipient clicked on the link. Were they smart, in cahoots, or just lucky? I don't suppose we'll ever know for sure."
"While there is evidence that the indicted Russians published information that reflected negatively on the presidential candidacy of Secretary Clinton, there is no evidence that this information was actually read and acted upon by anyone," Rosenstein added. "There is no evidence that any American, much less anyone connected to the Trump campaign knowingly colluded with any of these Russian agents during the 2016 campaign. Likewise, there is no evidence that anyone didn't collude with these Russians. The only rational conclusion is that more investigation is called for. Consequently, I am extending the Special Counsel's mandate for another 12 months and $20 million."
"I think the Mueller team's ability to determine that phishers penetrated the DNC computers despite the FBI being denied access to those computers by the DNC is commendable," the Deputy AG observed. "I'm not sure how this was possible, but I admit I'm not as computer savvy as I'd like to be. Now that this theory is confirmed by the Mueller investigation I think we can absolve Seth Rich of any alleged role in the leaking of DNC data and refute any theories maintaining that he was murdered in retaliation for his alleged leaks."
"The one inexplicable aspect of this whole matter was President Obama's instruction to White House cyber security coordinator Michael Daniel to stand down after he first alerted the President to the risk of Russian interference in the 2016 election," Rosenstein said. "The most charitable interpretation I can conjure up is that he was simply mistaken. I just can't accept the contention that the stand down order was the fulfillment of his promise to Putin that he would be 'more flexible' following his 2012 reelection. That implies a level of duplicity that we all would rather not contemplate."
Meanwhile, noted Democrat and legal scholar Alan Dershowitz contends that "this latest indictment by Mueller proves that we didn't need a special counsel. This indictment could have been brought by ordinary prosecutors, ordinary FBI agents. There's no conflict between the attorney general, the deputy attorney general and Americans It's all Russians. Why do we need to spend 20, 30, 40 million dollars for a special counsel to do a routine national security investigation?"
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
....and there’s zero chance that they didn’t hack in the 2008 and 2012 campaign seasons....right?
Or is that the forbidden question to ask the FBI-dimwits?
A very dark question. Assuming all of this is true, which I do believe. Why hasn’t Trump been assassinated? It seems a relatively easy project for a deep state to carry out. Just takes a deep state tennicle in the secret service, DOJ, and the committee that would eventually investigate. Wouldn’t that be easier than having to put out every fire that Trump lights for them?
It tells me one thing, they plan on taking Trump down alive and must be quite confident they are going to be able to.
You cant prove malware on a Hargrove without the hard drive of the DNC. That hard drive was never turned over !!!
The problem is that we have known for over a year that the emails Wikileaks posted were not downloaded over the internet. The files themselves show they were transferred at rates that were not possible over the internet. So, knowing this, why does Rosenstein continue to pretend the DNC was hacked when they clearly were not?
“Now that this theory is confirmed by the Mueller investigation I think we can absolve Seth Rich of any alleged role in the leaking of DNC data and refute any theories maintaining that he was murdered in retaliation for his alleged leaks.”
Not so fast Rosebud. Rush had a little technical clinic yesterday where he explained how based on the transfer rate of the data. It had to be an inside job using a flash drive, external drive or some such device.
Ya....they’ll be right over!
Oh great. I'm sure the Russians are going to show up for their "trials". Mueller pisses away 20 mil of the taxpayer's money, so he has to make it look like he is actually doing something. Ridiculous FARCE.
Rumor is that Mueller deputized Rocky & Bullwinkle and that they have Boris & Natasha on ice. Trying to catch “Mr. Big”.
Names of 12 Russians indicted: 1. Hillary Clintonesky 2: Barrocksky Obamovich 3. Sally Yateskich 4. John Brennovansky 5. Valerick Jarretkich 6. James Comeyski 7. Peter Strzoki 8. Bruce Ohrskoh 9. McCainzi 10. Susan Ricekoh 11. Lisa Pageovich 12. John Podestinskiah
Trump has better security and lawyers than the deep
Theyre pikers compared to this savvy powerful New Yorker
New York is 100 times more powerful and crazy than DC
RR just indicted himself with this hollow move. In many ways he’s waving the white flag on collusion. The electorate can see this for what it is.
That is very true. There was no internet transfer. It was thumb drive. The reason the DNC never gave up their hard drives was obvious. They did not want the public to know that their own personnel had downloaded the emails that clearly and truthfully showed rigging the nomination against Bernie Sanders. Many say it could have been Seth Rich. You cannot prove that a hard drive was hacked by “phishing” malware without the finding of the embedded malware on the hard drive itself. The DNC hard drive was withheld from the FBI. This is a fatal defect in this so called indictment.
LOL! If only!
Excellent article! :-P
I too find it remarkable that they can get an indictment against anyone for hacking the DNC server without having ever examined the server for evidence.
That is such a good point but no I don’t think the electorate has figured that out. The MSM is just thrilled to have these indictments and some are happy to push Strzok off the news cycle but the point should be made. He indicted the Russians but no American co-conspirators. That is tantamount to quitting on the collusion story. Time to wrap it up and go home, Mueller.
This is comical. He’s done a pathetic job as AG, acting as though his mantra is to fight the governor at every turn. And Bevin is trying at every tern to tear down the “deep south democrat cronyism nurtured by Beshear’s father all those years.
If Behear should win, it would be to the detriment of Kentucky, though the Teacher’s union might be pleased.
Wrong thread. Sorry...
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