Posted on 08/02/2018 7:31:30 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom
A gorilla walked into a bar. He ordered a Jack and Coke and paid for it with a $10 bill.
The bartender thought, “This gorilla couldn’t possibly know the prices of drinks” and gave him 50 cents change.
As he handed back the two quarters, the bartender said, “You know, we don’t get too many gorillas in here.”
The gorilla said, “As bad as you overcharge, I’m surprised you get any.”
(Excerpt) Read more at cdapress.com ...
A three-legged dog goes into a Wild West saloon and orders a beer. He then bangs his glass on the bar and declares, “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
That joke was old when Henny Youngman was born..................
Prices updated for 2005. I should have updated them for 2018.
Classics never go out of style. Think of all the young uns who never heard it before!
“There’s no such thing as and ‘Old Joke’ if you’ve never heard it before.”....Groucho Marx...............
Lol!
A three-legged dog goes into a Wild West saloon and hands the bartender a note , “I’m looking for the man who shot my maw.”
I was sent home from the first grade for telling that joke.
Guy walked into a taxidermy shop with two dead rabbits.
“Want them mounted?”
“No, just holding hands.”
Little girl walking down a country road pulling a bull on a rope. A farmer walks by.
“Whatcha’ doin?”
“Oh, I’m taking this bull down to the pasture to mate with the cows.”
“Well, couldn’t your father do that?”
“No, it’s gotta’ be a bull.”
Sorta like: Dollars to Donuts.
ML/NJ
How do you make holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
Lurlene replied, "Well, Leroy, you can go right ahead. It's your cow."
A father notices his daughter using her pedal car in the driveway, with the family dog sitting on the hood.
Closer inspection reveals the little girl is holding the end of a rope, the other end of which is tied around the dog’s testicles.
“What’s going on with the rope and Rex, Sally?”
“This is my fire engine. He’s the siren.”
A hitchhiker was thumbing for a ride along a highway. Finally a car stops and picks him up. The hitchhiker thanks the driver for stopping and says ...”You know a lot of people won’t pick up hitchhikers fearing they could be serial killers”. The driver laughs... “ Oh I’m not too worried ...what would be the odds of two serial killers being in the same car at the same time.”
That’s racist and I’m offended.
You can say that with pretty much any joke these days.
A blond woman frantically calls the fire department, “My house is on fire! My house is on fire!” the person at the other end of the line listens and says calmly “slow down Mam, now, how do we get there?”
The blond pauses and replies ...Duh, Big red truck!
Yep. That one doesn’t work anymore, does it? It was such a good one, too.
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