Skip to comments.FaceBook Better Prepared for 2018 Elections [semi-satire]
Posted on 09/15/2018 1:44:58 AM PDT by John Semmens
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg promised that "this year's efforts to ensure the proper election outcome will be more successful than our 2016 intervention."
"In 2016 our security safeguards didn't prevent all nonconforming content from reaching voters." Zuckerburg admitted. "Some anti-Clinton messages weren't detected and blocked. Likewise, some pro-Trump messages still managed to get through. In the intervening two years we have tightened our measures. I am highly confident that we will have the maximum possible positive influence in determining who wins."
As an example of the "tightened measures" Zuckerberg pointed out that "we have banned the #WalkAway movement that seeks to encourage millennials to desert the Democratic Party. Blocking this group should be decisive since they have no access to corporate money and rely entirely on grassroots efforts and individual donations."
Brandon Straka, the founder of the #WalkAway movement, is a former liberal who left the Democratic Party because "it has devolved into intolerant, inflexible, illogical, hateful, misguided, ill-informed, un-American, hypocritical, menacing, callous, ignorant, narrow-minded and, at times, blatantly fascistic behavior and rhetoric."
Straka said his turning point came after his liberal friends blamed him for being attacked by a homeless person who demanded money. "They said it was my fault for being a privileged white," Straka recounted. "My 'privilege' is that I work for a living. I've never asked for a handout and don't appreciate being designated as a nonperson who can be victimized by a parasite demanding my hard-earned income."
In other election news, a Democratic Party activist seeking to register voters in the Somerville Veterans Memorial Cemetery in Massachusetts was observed tearing down and urinating on American flags that mourners had set up by some of the graves. A witness driving by snapped a photograph of the man and the pile of flags he urinated on. Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass) alleged that "the witness' actions constituted an invasion of privacy and could be construed as an attempt to suppress the vote."
Meanwhile, Beto O'Rourke, the Democratic candidate for the US Senate in Texas, hosted a private fund-raising event in New York City "because Texans are too stingy to pony up the millions I require for my campaign."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
It’s funny because it’s true.
Yup - too close to the truth to be funny anymore, IMO. All humor requires an element of truth and this one overdoses on the amount. Still good stuff, though...
"Nice going, Brandon.......you didnt forget a thing."
LOL...Well done as always, John! :)
I missed the threshold of satire again... :-)
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