Posted on 10/24/2018 10:58:15 AM PDT by MeganC
About a year ago I saw a feminist program which talked about how virginity wasn't such a big deal and how girls should feel free to experience their sexuality so long as pills, creams, condoms, and legal consent forms were involved. Through the course of the program the act of sex was reduced to little more than a routine biological function akin to going to the bathroom or eating.
Ironically, as the program sought to warn girls about being objectified it also managed to reduce men into support systems for penises. And the sole purpose of the penis was clearly objectified as a sex toy for a woman's pleasure and nothing more.
I've had more than a year to dwell on this and today found myself compelled to write about it.
Let me start by saying that I have a number of female friends who I keep in touch with and the majority of them have had failed marriages and a series of failed relationships. These women (Republican and Democrat alike) espouse the standard modern opinions about how women are supposed to be leaders in the household, leaders at work, and leaders in society. Yet their lives are a shambles.
Now also let me note that I am not perfect. Nope. Not at all.
And when I share my perceptions about my own experiences and views of life please know that I came from the exact same background as my friends did. I too have harbored most of the same modern ideas of feminism as are common in our society these days.
Just to touch on a few of those ideas let me list some of them and in no particular order:
1. Sex is no big deal.
2. Women should not get married until after they turn thirty.
3. Women should experience sex with different men so they can be equal with men.
4. Pregnancy is a medical condition requiring treatment and it should be avoided by intelligent women.
5. If you do insist on having children then have just one.
6. Men should be submissive, nurturing, and physically weak.
7. A woman should have at least a Master's degree and should have a successful career before she might have a child at around age forty.
8. Being childless is socially progressive especially if you're an educated, professional, white woman.
9. Lesbianism is not just acceptable it is socially preferable in a growing segment of society.
10. Men oppress women by marrying them and forcing them to assume traditional gender roles.
Is that enough? I think so.
These are just a few examples of the anti-values that the broad spectrum of the left has so successfully foisted onto our society that many on the right now adhere to them as well.
And the result has been a society in which the broken home, the single mother, and the fatherless child are now seen as socially acceptable. Perhaps even socially applauded.
Yet when I look at my female friends who uphold these anti-values what I see are emotionally broken people. I see alcohol and drug abuse. I see angry women who think they were betrayed by the feminized men in their lives. I see women who have lived the feminist ideal and yet who end up feeling empty, unfulfilled, and absent of satisfaction in life.
And myself I think it all goes back to our views on virginity and the unintended consequences of birth control.
(Disclaimer: No, I am not a Catholic.)
To understand where we are on this subject we first need to understand where we came from as a society.
Prior to the advent of birth control a woman's virginity was very significant.
It mattered because when she would marry then on her wedding night there was the very real chance that she would become pregnant and bear a child for her husband.
Sex was not just a biological function it was a lifetime commitment and it came with some massive ramifications. It also meant that the woman was bonded to her husband because of their mutual decision to not just have a wedding and a wedding night, but to start a family and to commit to everything that is required to raising a family. Marriage and the act of sex were inseparable and anyone engaging in sex outside of marriage was properly seen as rash and irresponsible.
And a woman's virginity had VALUE.
It was a gift and not just of the woman's body but of her heart, her soul, and her life. When a woman gave her virginity to her husband she was saying to him that she would spend her life at his side and together they would face life's challenges for better or for worse.
Now remember I said I came from the same background as my friends?
Despite the social indoctrination I had received in my childhood I found myself at about age sixteen with a growing desire to be a wife and mother. College and career were held out to me as my only acceptable options yet something inside me was pulling me in a different direction.
My desires only grew stronger and even though I'd sometimes face rebuke from my friends for confessing my preference for domesticity over a career I wasn't deterred.
After I was eighteen I sought out and found what I wanted. He wanted a traditional wife and a large family and that was what I wanted, too. A short courtship led to a modest wedding attended only by a handful of my friends and even the friends who attended the wedding didn't approve.
That evening I found myself absolutely intimidated by the magnitude of what was about to happen. The very real possibility that I would be pregnant the next day was not lost on me and while I was thrilled to be with my husband I was also terrified of the awesome thing that was taking place.
It is now ten years since I first met my husband and in March it will be ten years since we wed. We have seven children and one more is on the way and should arrive in January.
(Oh, and did you recoil a little at reading that I will soon have eight children? That recoiling you felt was part of the feminist conditioning that you now accept as normal.)
After high school my friends mostly put off getting married until the last few years. Some of them haven't been married and may well live their lives single. Some of the women who got married have already been divorced.
Of the eight or nine girls I was close to in school I have more children now than all of them combined.
They have careers, they have college debts to pay off, only one of them is married and has purchased a home, none of them go to church on a regular basis, and I can't say that any of them has ever bragged to me about how happy they are. They also all gave away their most precious gift to someone who has now left their lives. Some of them did so in high school.
Sadly, I didn't give my husband my virginity on my wedding night. That was taken away from me and it wasn't my decision. But I did give him everything I had to give and he in turn has done the same for me.
There are no empty acts or promises between us.
Forgive me my imperfect end to this essay. There is no major point or takeaway that I'm trying to make here.
I'm just wanting to say that the feminist ideal has cheated women and it has lied to them by convincing them that one of the most special and treasured parts of being a woman is of no significance at all. It's not even noteworthy when it happens...no more so than when you first brush your teeth.
And I think we women have lost something in embracing feminist anti-values as normal.
Megan
All that I am
All that I have
All that I will be is yours
For as long as we both shall live
Are not just pretty words
Domestic Tranquility: A Brief Against Feminism (1998) by F. Carolyn Graglia
Quite a good book. It explains that Feminism has done terrible things to women. And secondarily, has hurt society and men.
Fantastic. Well thought out, and agree 100%. Writing them down will clarify and focus your ideas.
You neglected one point which I have found also important. Of course marriage and sex are between two people only, but you didn’t mention “family.” It was common up until approx. 5 decades ago, but people married into FAMILIES and clans, usually which were in very close proximity. The world has changed this physical reality, and that phenomenon is not coming back.
In that time, young men and women had an automatic support and insurance network. It mitigated and controlled unacceptable behaviors by one partner. Young women thus were not unprotected against the world, or left to make choices on their own, in a vacuum, and young men had automatic responsibilities and similar support.
And thus the siren-song of feminism has even less competition, and young women in your position are swimming upstream against an even stronger current than you know.
Any advice on my two sons (19 and 17)? They both love God and have by choice not been in any romantic relationships. However, how do we find women for them who value Biblical Womanhood?
Awesome essay. May God Bless you and your treasured family.
Of all the material things we can acquire on earth, none will be seen in the life hereafter. But our children will be together with us in Heaven just as our parents will one day be rejoined with each of us.
1. Sex is no big deal.
2. Women should not get married until after they turn thirty.
3. Women should experience sex with different men so they can be equal with men.
4. Pregnancy is a medical condition requiring treatment and it should be avoided by intelligent women.
5. If you do insist on having children then have just one.
6. Men should be submissive, nurturing, and physically weak.
7. A woman should have at least a Master's degree and should have a successful career before she might have a child at around age forty.
8. Being childless is socially progressive especially if you're an educated, professional, white woman.
9. Lesbianism is not just acceptable it is socially preferable in a growing segment of society.
10. Men oppress women by marrying them and forcing them to assume traditional gender roles.
Is that enough? I think so.
You make some very good points. And I might add.
11. Women may claim sexual assualt or even rape at any time regardless of the truth.
12. Women may consent to sex but come to regret it days, weeks, months or even years later. Therefore it is rape.
13. Abortion is solely a feminist value. And men have no sayso against it. Unless of course a man is pressuring a woman to have one.
14. A woman can act, dress and behave as sexually promiscuous as she pleases. Any reaction by a man is a sexual assault if she so decides.
15. Etc. etc.
You ROCK!
My wife and I kept our virginity for each other.
By the way, if you were raped, I would consider you a virgin.
from the sister of the founder of NOW
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/3200158/posts
Marxist Feminism’s Ruined Lives Frontpagemag.com ^ | 9-2-2014 | Mallory Millett
...It was 1969. Kate invited me to join her for a gathering at the home of her friend, Lila Karp. They called the assemblage a “consciousness-raising-group,” a typical communist exercise, something practiced in Maoist China. We gathered at a large table as the chairperson opened the meeting with a back-and-forth recitation, like a Litany, a type of prayer done in Catholic Church. But now it was Marxism, the Church of the Left, mimicking religious practice:
“Why are we here today?” she asked.
“To make revolution,” they answered.
“What kind of revolution?” she replied.
“The Cultural Revolution,” they chanted.
“And how do we make Cultural Revolution?” she demanded.
“By destroying the American family!” they answered.
“How do we destroy the family?” she came back.
“By destroying the American Patriarch,” they cried exuberantly.
“And how do we destroy the American Patriarch?” she replied. “By taking away his power!” “How do we do that?” “By destroying monogamy!” they shouted. “How can we destroy monogamy?” Their answer left me dumbstruck, breathless, disbelieving my ears. Was I on planet earth? Who were these people?
“By promoting promiscuity, eroticism, prostitution and homosexuality!” they resounded.
They proceeded with a long discussion on how to advance these goals by establishing The National Organization of Women. It was clear they desired nothing less than the utter deconstruction of Western society. The upshot was that the only way to do this was “to invade every American institution. Every one must be permeated with ‘The Revolution’”: The media, the educational system, universities, high schools, K-12, school boards, etc.; then, the judiciary, the legislatures, the executive branches and even the library system.
It fell on my ears as a ludicrous scheme, as if they were a band of highly imaginative children planning a Brinks robbery; a lark trumped up on a snowy night amongst a group of spoiled brats over booze and hashish...
The fact that you are here, shows that you rejected feminism for the most part. Which may explain why you correctly see your friends as unhappy, and most importantly, unfulfilled. They are, because feminism betrayed them. Mainly because they also then bought into liberalism.
Virginity is a one-time gift, a changing point in a girl’s life, a rite of passage. Trivializing it robs women of the power of that moment and the value of that gift.
Should something that rare be given away lightly?
I wish I had some good advice for your sons but I’m wondering much the same thing for my children.
You’ve articulated ideas that I’ve been pondering for awhile.
In high school I knew what I really wanted was to be a wife and mother, but I told no one. It was unthinkable to not have big career plans. I went to college and began my career while jealousy observing other young women who had chosen a different path.
I married at 24 and we had our first baby 10 months later. I worked full time until he was one year old and baby number two was on the way.
I went to my 20th high school reunion pregnant with our sixth. I waddled around so thankful that I gave up my career to be a homeschooling mom. My high school friends have big careers, big homes, big wardrobes and big vacations. I have a big family.
When my husband and I were dating I told him that I had remained a virgin because of a conversation in high school. At track practice some of the girls were talking about who they had slept with. It struck me that chances were none of them had yet met their future husbands. They cheated on him before they knew him. I decided that the one I hoped to marry deserved my faithfulness even before I met him. There were guys who broke things off when they found out my decision. While that was sad, it revealed what they really thought of me.
Only my husband valued me and saw my decision as a gift.
The lies of feminism hurt women.
Many went along with feminism because it made no-strings-attached sex easier to obtain, rather than for any political or ideological reasons. Now we're paying the price.
I am flipping off my cynicism switch for a few minutes. That was a -very- good analysis and confirms everything I have ever seen. And the partial list of modern feminist orthodoxy was very familiar sounding.
We have 3 children, I wish we had more but it’s not medically possible anymore. Been married 15 years. Can’t conceive of it any other way. I did get married late (33), but that was mostly due to my military career.
+1
Your post reminds me of one of my old friends telling me about all the things I’d never have if I got married and had kids and I replied to her that she was probably right but that she forgot that I’d also never die alone.
A wealth of love is true wealth!
God bless and Keep you and yours!
Though a big city girl and not married, I did NOT recoil at your mention of 8 children. That’s 8 future conservative voters right there! (Ok ok...kidding, there are more important things in life than the next election!) But some of my dearest friends were raised in big families. (Homeschooled too.)
I love children, and have been blessed to know some amazing men - but I do believe there is value in singleness also provided that one does not waste it following the dictates of our fallen culture.
I think so long as each girl/woman is submitted to God, and realizes that there is no one size all life plan — then she can freely walk the path the LORD would have her on to accomplish His purposes through her. First holding His hand alone and then holding her husband’s hand in between. (As he should be following Christ’s lead.)
“However, how do we find women for them who value Biblical Womanhood?”
Met my wife while in a small BAPTIST college (Liberty,Mo.)where we (ALL) had CHAPEL each morning.
Suspect even now CHAPEL is no longer mandatory...Dang shame !
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