Kasich Gets Gig with CNN [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 20 Jan 2019 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Former Ohio Governor John Kasich (R) has been signed by CNN to be an on air commentator across a variety of the network’s programs.

The ex-governor expressed his hope that he “might leverage a tour as a television star into a successful campaign for the presidency like Trump did, only with more compassion for the lonely and depressed majority of Americans. I think voters will respond favorably to my belief that ‘everyone needs to be hugged.’ It will be a welcome change from Trump’s ‘everyone needs to be slugged.’”

Kasich said he was “especially proud to be named a señor commentator. I take it as recognition and appreciation of my open border stance. ‘Señor’ sounds so much friendlier than ‘mister.’ I look forward to a future where every man is a señor and every woman a señorita. Golly, I’m already speaking Spanish. If this doesn’t prove there is no border crisis I don’t know what would.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://azconservative.org/2019/01/19/trump-reversal-of-obama-school-discipline-policy-harms-minorities/

[xzins]

Good job. Until recently, he was my governor.

He really was made to be a Sunday School teacher in a liberal denomination.

[Theodore R.]

Will the Buckeyes tune him to see him?

[SERKIT]

I thought CNN hired Kay-Sick as their food critic.

[windsorknot]

Will the Buckeyes tune him to see him?

Nyet. Not this Buckeye.

[Farmer Dean]

He would have made a really mediocre mailman.

[Zuben Elgenubi]

That’s “cartero”, por favor.

[gunnyg]

“He would have made a really mediocre mailman.”
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Nor even a decent supernumerary for 0’Pinhead!
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GunnyG@PlanetWTF?
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TRUMP.45!/TheONLYONE!
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[Seaplaner]

Duncan asserted. “Since many of minority youth are likely to embark on careers in crime the disproportionate discipline impedes these students’ acquisition of the skills needed for these career choices. Robbing other students, intimidating them, vandalizing property, and defying authority are activities that will nurture the kind of abilities that the aspiring criminal will find useful if he or she is to succeed in his or her chosen line of crime.”

Clever, this!

Thanks, John, for another illuminating column, with the barest smidge of satire.

.

[xzins]

Have you heard that his dad was a mailman?

[dfwgator]

Have you heard that his dad was a mailman?

Didn't he serve with John Kerry in Vietnam?

[xzins]

With Senator Blumenthal, right?

[blueplum]

I know this is satire, but, any presidential hopeful who gets (or has a son with - Cuomo) a tv slot is getting election contribution in kind. It should be illegal unless the network wants to give every other candidate 100% equal time.

[oldenuff35]

He is a nice guy but his bend over and take it attitude is the last thing we need leading the right.

The left continually demonstrates that they will tell any and every lie and take every opportunity for dirty tricks and underhanded dishonest politics. To stop them we need a fighter who will not only knock them down but knock them out to insure they don’t get back up to fight the same battle all over again.

How many times have we done political battle over our clearly stated 2A rights? Too many.

Trump will make at least one more appointment to SCOTUS that is pro 2A, and that is exactly the type of actions, by a fighter, that the right wing of this country needs.

The left has clearly defined that politics is a full contact sport and that no one can depend or even expect honesty or honor from the left.

You don’t fight people like that with a pansy ass, you need a seasoned warrior.

Trump reminds me of Patton, to hell with the PC shit fire up your tanks and run the bastards over. Dammit this is war.