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MORFORD: Fine Wine For A Big Quake
San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 9/21/5 | Mark Morford

Posted on 09/21/2005 7:36:34 AM PDT by SmithL

Sure a quake kit is a great thing -- if you can afford it. Too bad about everyone else.

You are not ready.

This is just a fair guess. You are not fully prepared for the monster life-slapping colon-rattling quake that is slated to devastate our fair state somewhere between the time you finish reading this sentence and about 2035 -- an epic disaster that will make Katrina look like a waterslide and that, if all predictions and all experts are to be believed, will look something like "The Day After Tomorrow" crossed with "28 Days Later" with a dash of "War of the Worlds" and nothing at all like "Just Like Heaven," with cute blonde Reese Witherspoons walking around all sassy and blonde and perkily dead and haranguing the really cute living dudes by casually walking through the wall while they're taking a shower. Whoops!

It will, of course, be much worse. If the quake is big enough and hits us just right, experts predict nightmare scenarios, presumably full of desperate hordes of lost citizens tearing like wild dogs through twisted skyscrapers stuck like stalagmite Popsicles around the state, as the levees crumble and bridges shatter and roads split apart to reveal great underground networks of secret government nuke labs and three-legged alien hellbeasts working in collusion with the GOP to zap all the heathen pagan queers of California once and for all. See? You're not even close to ready.

(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...


TOPICS: Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: 3dollarbill; bigquake; bitteroldqueen; buttpirate; chorizochaser; colonrattling; dramaqueen; footballbat; friendofdorothy; harridan; hissyfit; itsbushsfault; loser; markhaspms; morfordite; pervert; ruleone; sandinthevaseline
Morfordite Alert

You've been warned!

. . . and of course, it's Bush's fault.

1 posted on 09/21/2005 7:36:36 AM PDT by SmithL
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To: SmithL
You are not fully prepared for the monster life-slapping colon-rattling quake......

Probably not the colon-rattling he enjoys.

2 posted on 09/21/2005 7:39:28 AM PDT by JimWforBush (Alcohol - For the best times you'll never remember)
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To: SmithL
This is, after all, what most baffled the snide and quietly racist GOP leadership: Why didn't all those poor people in New Orleans just leave? Why didn't they hop in the Escalade and fill the tank with a hundred bucks' worth of Unocal premium and hightail it outta New Orleans and head for a Travelodge and watch the disaster on the Panasonic big-screen TV with the rest of us, like any good upstanding citizen? What the hell was wrong with them?

Exactly
Think of it as Evolution In Action

So9

3 posted on 09/21/2005 8:06:24 AM PDT by Servant of the 9 (Trust Me)
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To: SmithL

Is this kook in the fish wrap edition or still only on the internet?


4 posted on 09/21/2005 8:08:22 AM PDT by dennisw (If you can serve a cup of tea right, you can do anything - Gurdjieff)
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To: SmithL
Mark is ready.

He's got this, and spare batteries, to boot!


5 posted on 09/21/2005 10:24:46 AM PDT by Disambiguator (Making accusations of racism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.)
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