ROTFLMAO!
Posted on 01/13/2017 4:09:04 PM PST by BBell
In the coming zombie apocalypse, safe spaces may be in short supply, so millennials will have to take shelter under their Spoonk mats and crack open their cell phones in hopes there's creamy nougat inside. According to a recent survey -- this is shocking, I know -- millennials lack even the most basic survival skills.
Apparently SnapChat offers no tutorials on how to build a snare trap.
The survey, conducted ahead of the London Boat Show, found even the most basic of life skills are quantum physics to most millennials. More than half were unable to tie a single knot and 40 percent had never swum in open water.
That removes as an option wading out into a lake while the zombie hordes foam and snarl along the shoreline.
Even more troubling, millennials have no idea how to read maps, relying instead on GPS and the Google Maps app to tell them when to go straight or turn. That means millennials will be the ones wandering through the forest, hoping to find a cell signal. And as fans of The Walking Dead know, zombies love to hide behind trees.
In those forests, even though they're surrounded by wood, any millennials who survive the zombies will likely freeze to death at night because the survey found two-thirds of them have no idea how to spark a fire by natural means. Fire, they had assumed, lives inside of stoves, and only comes out when you turn the dial.
Millennials will also be stunned to learn that seafood markets won't automatically produce more fish after the zombies have eaten their owners. Hungry millennials may see fish jumping in those lakes they can't swim in, but they'll have no clue how to catch them for dinner, even though they'd have to eat them raw anyway since
(Excerpt) Read more at nola.com ...
*PING* *BUMP* :)
Where was the author when his fellow media colleagues were denigrating survivalists and preppers?
They need to attend Tom Brown’s school in New Jersey.
One of the best experiences of my life.
It’s not a Zombie apocalypse thats the problem. It’s dealing with the stress of everyday life. The unexpected bill. The Illness. The President they don’t want but were too lazy to vote either way. No sympathy here. But, the really frightening thing is that the first born millennials will be 38 in 2020 and eligible age wise to run for President.
Read several of his books. Would love to go there.
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Vol 1 (Escaping the Dead): Escaping the Dead Kindle Edition $0.00
https://www.amazon.com/Whiskey-Tango-Foxtrot-Escaping-Dead-ebook/dp/B00BT1DZVK/ref=sr_1_49?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1484353101&sr=1-49&refinements=p_n_feature_eight_browse-bin%3A7588923011%2Cp_20%3AEnglish
Those who cannot out-run zombies are destined to become zombies.
Survey finds millennials lack basic survival skills
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Isn’t texting their mom from down in the basement to please bring down more pizza rolls a basic survival skill?
I’m too busy trying to climb the corporate ladder so that I can buy a bigger boat, so I don’t have time to waste teaching my kids survival skills. But they do know where the nearest 3 Sam’s Clubs are, so they always have access to food and supplies.
Hopefully we’d do okay!
ROTFLMAO!
The good news is they’ll die off quickly reducing the overall strain on society.
How is this a problem?
SOMEBODY has to be the zombies!
Re : Post #9
*Those who cannot out-run zombies are destined to become zombies.*
One doesn’t necessarily need to outrun the Zombies, they only need to outrun the people surrounding them.
I know you’ve got some mad skills.
The Foxfire books preserved a lot of this knowledge for ‘Boomers- that, and the Whole Earth Catalog and ‘boomers were prepared for the apocalypse.
It’s going to be bad for millenials who are running from zombies and who mistekenly pick a car with a stick shift to escape in.
It’s called Natural Selection. That’s a good thing.
I’ll have to read this. I made up backpacks for the kids to keep in their cars that have some emergency supplies. Lighters, flint, candles, plastic, twine, water, water filter, a can, energy bars, knife, etc. Enough to keep them comfortable for a few days if they get stuck somewhere, or primarily in case of an earthquake.
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