Great Post!
ROTFL!
Posted on 06/07/2017 9:16:56 AM PDT by sodpoodle
Subject: Short story
Hillary phoned the president's office shortly after midnight. “I need to talk to the president, it’s an emergency!”, exclaimed Hillary.
After some cajoling, the president's assistant agreed to wake him up. “So, what is it that’s so important that it can’t wait until morning?”, grumbled Trump.
“ A Supreme Court Judge just died, and I want to take his place.”, begged Hillary.
“Well, it’s OK with me if it’s OK with the mortician”, replied President Trump.
These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites!
FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.
**** And the WINNER is... ****
FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
Statement of the Century Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Children Are Quick ______________________________ ______
TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. ______________________________ ______ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. ______________________________ ____________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) ______________________________ ______________ TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. ______________________________ ____ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! ______________________________ ____________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. ______________________________ _________ ______________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... ______________________________ ________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook. ______________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!) ______________________________ _____ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher. ______________________________ ____ PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Thanks for the chuckles!
Great Post!
ROTFL!
But for the vacant position and the participants, this bon mot has long been attributed to Calvin Coolidge.
Glad you enjoyed them. They are emailed to me from a dear friend. Waiting for the ‘Blog Bullies’ to question the links, attribution etc.,
Politics and anti-Trump forces are so stressful - FReepers do not need to bash one another. I think of FR as my neighborhood. Time to get ‘neighborly’ again.
God bless.
Great! Being a teacher I enjoyed the last part ; )
I have to tell you that I have been looking at you name forever & for whatever reason I always saw sopdoodle. Then last week I saw it & realized my brain had been switching p & the d. I think I uttered a duh when I realized it was poodle.
yup - prairie dog;) I’m a female dog!!!!
Good one.
God bless BB
That was familiar;) LOL!!!
And finally:
A+ LOL!!!
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