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Joel Osteen Sails Luxury Yacht Through Flooded Houston To Pass Out Copies Of ‘Your Best Life Now’
The Babylon Bee ^ | 8/29/17 | Staff

Posted on 08/29/2017 9:37:20 AM PDT by fungoking

Edited on 08/29/2017 10:22:52 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]

HOUSTON, TX—Although Joel Osteen took flak over the weekend for closing up his church to flood victims and all but disappearing during the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, the megachurch pastor reportedly returned to the city on his luxury yacht “S.S. Blessed” to make amends Tuesday by tossing copies of Your Best Life Now to stranded flood survivors.

Osteen had his on-call yacht captain steer the large vessel through the flooded streets of the city, pulling up to survivors stranded on their roofs and on the roof of their cars as the prosperity gospel preacher smiled, waved, and threw out signed editions of the bestselling positive thinking book.

“Believe and declare you are coming into a shift!” Osteen yelled through a bullhorn, according to reports. “God wants His best for you! Enlarge your vision, develop a healthy self image, and choose to be happy!”

“When you think positive, excellent thoughts, you will be propelled toward greatness!” he called out to one family floating on a raft on a freeway-turned-river, whose earthly possessions had been entirely destroyed the previous day.

Osteen also paused for brief photo ops with several families, the smiling pastor briefly allowing them to board his yacht as his professional photography team got shots of the pastor together with the sobbing, distraught flood victims, though the pastor was careful to not stand too close to the mud-caked refugees.

Sources confirmed that the pastor then had his assistants help the families back into their makeshift lifeboats or tree logs on which they were floating through the city.

The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire.


TOPICS: Humor; Religion
KEYWORDS: comedy; deception; falsewitness; funny; hahahah; humor; lie; osteen; parody; religiouscharlatan; satire; wackysatire; yourbestscam
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1 posted on 08/29/2017 9:37:20 AM PDT by fungoking
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To: fungoking

This has to either be satire or truth masquerading as satire...


2 posted on 08/29/2017 9:39:16 AM PDT by GraceG ("It's better to have all the Right Enemies, than it is to have all the Wrong Friends.")
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To: GraceG

It’s satire, and I’m increasingly of the mind that satirists like this author should locked in the pillory on the public square and pelted with rocks and garbage.


3 posted on 08/29/2017 9:40:27 AM PDT by NorthMountain (The Democrats ... have lost their grip on reality -DJT)
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To: GraceG

Clearly satire but some folks will believe it.


4 posted on 08/29/2017 9:41:23 AM PDT by House Atreides (Send BOTH Hillary & Bill to prison.)
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To: GraceG

It’s satire


5 posted on 08/29/2017 9:41:31 AM PDT by Hot Tabasco
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To: fungoking

6 posted on 08/29/2017 9:42:03 AM PDT by Red Badger (Road Rage lasts 5 minutes. Road Rash lasts 5 months!.....................)
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To: fungoking

The best satire is satire that is very close to being believable. Your post certainly fits that description.


7 posted on 08/29/2017 9:42:15 AM PDT by Leaning Right (I have already previewed or do not wish to preview this composition.)
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To: GraceG

ya think?

“Osteen had his on-call yacht captain steer the large vessel through the flooded streets of the city, pulling up to survivors stranded on their roofs and on the roof of their cars as the prosperity gospel preacher smiled, waved, and threw out signed editions of the bestselling positive thinking book.”


8 posted on 08/29/2017 9:42:21 AM PDT by catnipman ( Cat Nipman: Vote Republican in 2012 and only be called racist one more time!)
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To: fungoking

“Old Earth Creation Museum Now Open Six Billion Years A Week”

Love it !


9 posted on 08/29/2017 9:43:45 AM PDT by Delta 21 (AntiFa and BLM should be on the United States list of Terrorist Organizations)
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To: GraceG

10 posted on 08/29/2017 9:43:46 AM PDT by Red Badger (Road Rage lasts 5 minutes. Road Rash lasts 5 months!.....................)
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To: fungoking

Must be satire


11 posted on 08/29/2017 9:45:00 AM PDT by nikos1121 (Let's get Newt in there to help...)
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To: fungoking

look at the pic. if anybody thinks that any responsible captain would take a ship that size, at that speed, through that area, you don’t know anything about boats


12 posted on 08/29/2017 9:45:56 AM PDT by camle (keep an open mind and someone will fill it full of something for you)
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To: Delta 21

“Lord Jesus Detained At Border While Attempting Second Coming”


13 posted on 08/29/2017 9:46:16 AM PDT by Delta 21 (AntiFa and BLM should be on the United States list of Terrorist Organizations)
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To: fungoking

This is Pathetic. People in Houston need to tar and feather that guy as soon as the water goes down.


14 posted on 08/29/2017 9:46:45 AM PDT by JustaCowgirl ( If a regime would be happier in the afterlife than this life, that regime is not subject to threats)
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To: fungoking

Must be satire


15 posted on 08/29/2017 9:46:54 AM PDT by nikos1121 (Let's get Newt in there to help...)
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To: fungoking

The photo in the article looks totally fake.

16 posted on 08/29/2017 9:47:21 AM PDT by Menehune56 ("Let them hate so long as they fear" (Oderint Dum Metuant), Lucius Accius (170 BC - 86 BC)z)
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To: fungoking

Cue Hall & Oates song; “You’re Out Of Touch!”


17 posted on 08/29/2017 9:47:23 AM PDT by lee martell
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To: Red Badger

OMG those fools who support his church.


18 posted on 08/29/2017 9:47:51 AM PDT by tjd1454
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To: JustaCowgirl

It’s satire.


19 posted on 08/29/2017 9:48:19 AM PDT by ConjunctionJunction
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To: Leaning Right

I don’t know Joel Osteen or his church. Perhaps he is deserving of this ribbing, I don’t know. In general I find most humor pointed at Christian religion and churches to be in the same taste as leftist “humor” pointed at conservatives/Trump...this is in very poor taste, irreverent, and rarely actually funny.


20 posted on 08/29/2017 9:48:25 AM PDT by Magnum44 (My comprehensive terrorism plan: Hunt them down and kill them)
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