[Impy]

We have some very special guests today, please welcome the 2008 Detriot Lions! How's it going, fellas?

"Bad."

Why bad?

"As you know in emulation of the '72 Dolphins toasting themselves with Champagne once every team in the leauge has suffered their first defeat of the year, we break out the FINEST in Detroit malt liquor once every team has notched it's first win of the season."

Ah, and you have yet to drink this year thanks to the Cleveland Browns being 0-15. How worried are you that they'll match your achievement?

"As worried Roger Goodell is that he'll never again know the touch of a human female."

"Hey, I resemble that remark! Jane, Jane come back to me!"

"Yaaar, Jane's swabbing MY deck now!"

"Sorry Rog, what can I say? I need to be with a man that has a visible member. We'll always have that time I defended you on twitter."

"As worried Bears fans are that rodeo clown Ryan Pace will still be their GM next year."

"Unfathomable! Inconceivable! To horrible to even think about, somebody hold me!"

"Der, they can't fire me, I've got pictures of Virgnia McCaskey touching me in my no no place! Besides, teacher says I'm 'making progress', I just learned to use the real potty like a big boy! Did you know they make adult tricycles? I got one for 'December Global Festivies'. Teacher says we're not a supposed to say 'Christmas' no more, Google says it's racist."

"As worried Colon Crapernick is that he has a better chance of walking on the moon than being on a footbal field again."

"Oh I WILL be the first space tourist to walk on the Moon and I'll build my own football field! No honkeys allowed!"

"If you build it, they will come."

"Yeah, you honkeys will see, all the greats will come and play in MY NFL. Jim Browm! With the moon's lower gravity he'll be like a 25 year old again!"

"That's not how gravity works, Colon. And we meant that the bad guys from 'Space Jam' would come and kidnap you for their human zoo on 'Moron Mountain'."

"You can't tell me that thing is human! I'm pretty sure I already have plenty of his species already."

"I'm not sharing a cage with that guy. I may be half cabbage but I deserve to have some dignity!"

"As worried Freepers are that Bender will retire permanently and leave them stuck with you doing NFL threads! Perish the tought."

So...pretty worried then, eh? Hey Stoolers coach Omar Epps, isn't there anything you can do? I mean, you guys lost to the Bears. Maybe you take the foot off the gas a little bit?

"No can do, Imp. But that reminds me, congratulations!

Oh right, so you'll be giving us your playoff spot then?

"Maybe that fine White girl can convince me."

This just in, Omar Epps is out as Pittsburgh Steelers Head Coach after being hit with a harassment lawsuit, hit over the head with a 300 page harrasment lawsuit, repeatedly, he's in a coma. His assailant is still at large.

**Whistling**

[Impy]

Bender's NFL Thread: Ping

Week 17 already. Happy Boxing Day!

[freedumb2003]

I haven’t watched a single game this season — after being a rabid fan since 1969.

The nfl is dead to me. And I won’t be going back.

[real saxophonist]

I do like your and Bender’s creative posts, but the NFL is bread and circuses, without the bread.

[P.O.E.]

Is it my imagination or are TV broadcasts “juicing” the crowd sounds to make it sound like a full house. Kind of like sitcom laugh tracks.

[tomkat]

How special .. another thread for the Collaborators !

[big'ol_freeper]

New Patriots lineback James Harrison..

[MortMan]

When do we get to the NFL UNDEAD THREAD? Lol

[campaignPete R-CT]

Winners ...

Minn
Pitt
Philly
Det
Indy
Pats
Wash
Seattle
Buffalo
Atlanta
Baltimore
Tennessee
KC
Saints
Chargers
Rams

[al_c]

Vikes
Steelers
Eagles
Lions
Colts
Patsies
Deadskins
Seahags
BiLLLLs
Panthers
Ravens
Jags
Chiefs
Ain’ts
Bolts
Rams

[Cletus.D.Yokel]

Sunday, Dec 31, 2017
Minnesota
Pittsburgh
Dallas
Green Bay
Indianapolis
New England
Washington
Seattle
Buffalo
Carolina
Baltimore
Jacksonville
Kansas City
New Orleans
L.A. Chargers
L.A. Rams

[Rummyfan]

Week 17.... last chance for some teams to wrap up a playoff spot. And all games on Sunday afternoon. Here we go!

Sunday, Dec 31, 2017 (All times Eastern)

Chicago at Minnesota 1:00 pm FOX U.S. Bank Stadium After that whoopin' the Vikings laid on the Packers last week, I don't see them letting up against the Bears. Vikings.

Cleveland at Pittsburgh 1:00 pm CBS Heinz Field The Browns are going for the perfect record. The Steelers are rolling to the playoffs, probably as the Number 2 seed in the AFC. Steelers.

Dallas at Philadelphia 1:00 pm FOX Lincoln Financial Field Ah, no playoffs for the Cowboys. Somehow the Iggles won on Monday ... with no second half offense. They'll need to do better against the 'Boys.. . With nothing at stake for them I like Dallas here. Cowboys.

Green Bay at Detroit 1:00 pm FOX Ford Field Packers shut out last week. While Detroit has its weaknesses, offense isn't really one of them (despite an inexplicable loss to Cincy...). Lions.

Houston at Indianapolis 1:00 pm CBS Lucas Oil Stadium Two teams that are already looking forward to next season, both hoping their star QBs will be back. Meantime they have to play this Sunday. Gotta pick one of them... Colts.

N.Y. Jets at New England 1:00 pm CBS Gillette Stadium Patriots want to hold on to the top seed in the AFC and the Jets are not going to stop that. Patriots.

Washington at N.Y. Giants 1:00 pm FOX MetLife Stadium Another two teams winding up disappointing seasons... although disappointing is an understatement for the G-Men. Cousins and the 'Skins have more to play for.... Redskins.

Arizona at Seattle 4:25 pm FOX CenturyLink Field Seattle needs to win, and they showed some mettle last week against the Cowboys. The Cardinals ... well, rumor is Bruce Arians may be moving on. To New York? We'll see. Seahawks.

Buffalo at Miami 4:25 pm CBS Hard Rock Stadium Will the Bills keep their non-playoff streak alive? Even if they win they are not assured a spot. They will win though... Bills.

Carolina at Atlanta 4:25 pm FOX Mercedes-Benz Stadium Now this match-up.... Falcons have been so up and down.... Panthers have been more consistent down the stretch. Panthers.

Cincinnati at Baltimore 4:25 pm CBS M&T Bank Stadium A Ravens win assures them of a playoff spot. While they can still get in with a loss, a win makes it certain. And I don't see them blowing this game against the Bengals. Ravens.

Jacksonville at Tennessee 4:25 pm CBS Nissan Stadium Was high on Jacksonville till that game against the Niners last week. But the Titans.... well, they have shown nothing the last several weeks and seem to be in a freefall. Jax rebounds. Jaguars.

Kansas City at Denver 4:25 pm CBS Sports Authority Field at Mile High KC has put that 1 - 6 streak behind them and is playing better. Which is bad news for Brock Osweiler and the Broncos. Chiefs.

New Orleans at Tampa Bay 4:25 pm FOX Raymond James Stadium With Carson Wentz out and the Eagles diminished, I like the Saints to make the Super Bowl from the NFC. Having said that, how can I not pick them over the Buccos? Saints.

Oakland at L.A. Chargers 4:25 pm CBS StubHub Center The Chargers can conceivably get in with a win and everyone else above them losing... So they'll get the win. As to whatever else happens....Chargers.

San Francisco at L.A. Rams 4:25 pm FOX Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum The Garropolo era rolls on... But the Rams just have too much... of everything...Rams.

And in the big bowl games Monday....

Baker Mayfield and the Sooners roll over the Dawgs from Georgia.

And Dabo's boys from Clemson send the Tide packing.

[Enterprise]

Sigh, gonna miss BBG.

Kind of a tricky week, as we all know. Some teams don't have to win to make the playoffs. Other teams are like short people: "Got no reason to live." But they still might put up a fight.

Minnesota
Pittsburgh
Philadelphia
Detroit
Indianapolis
New England (Five Star pick of the week. Call now and get two bookie busting picks for the price of one!)
Washington
Seattle (I hate picking Seattle)
Miami
Carolina
Baltimore
Jacksonville
Kansas City
New Orleans
Chargers
Rams

[Ronald_Magnus]

Jimmy G for the Niners looks like the real deal.

https://twitter.com/49ers/status/943711300265295872?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.theringer.com%2Fnfl%2F2017%2F12%2F22%2F16808678%2Fjimmy-garoppolo-san-francisco-49ers-three-starts

[pepsi_junkie]

No pithy rationale this week because I'm late getting my picks in and because it's a week where a lot of teams have nothing to play for (either eliminated already or locked into their playoff seed already) and hence we've got a weird mix of desperate teams and teams playing like it's the preseason. Handicapping in this environment comes down to gut feel. And I started the season with a 3-13 week so I feel I'm due for a repeat. So here goes:

• Browns at Steelers: Steelers win (becauase .. Browns).
• Packers at Lions: Lions win
• Redskins at Giants: Redskins win
• Cowboys at Eagles: Cowboys win
• Jets at Patriots: Crazy upset pick - Jets win
• Bears at Vikings: Vikings win
• Texans at Colts: Texans win
• 49ers at Rams: Rams win
• Raiders at Chargers: Chargers win
• Cardinals at Seahawks: Seahags win
• Chiefs at Broncos: Chefs win
• Panthers at Falcons: Falcons win
• Bengals at Ravens: Ravens win
• Bills at Dolphins: Bills win
• Saints at Buccaneers: Saints win
• Jaguars at Titans: Titans win

Happy new year everone!

[Rummyfan]

Ravens lose and are OUT. I'm glad - they would have been destroyed in the playoffs. Poor clock management at the end of the game, could not hold on to the ball throughout the game, and where the hell was the defense when the game was on the line? Bad enough they let the Bengals convert on fourth-and-twelve, but then they can't tackle either. The hell with 'em!