Why It’s Very Difficult For Men And Women To Just Be Friends

The Federalist ^ | 5-29-18 | Wendy Wilson

[DeweyCA]

This author, Wendy Wilson, certainly has much more common sense (and Biblical sense) about men and women than Aimee Byrd, whom she quotes in the article. It is stupid to unnecessarily tempt men, even the best of men. Aimee Byrd is EXTREMELY naive about how men think.

It also is stupid to think that men and women can be just like sibling brothers and sisters. That line of reasoning doesn't account for infatuation and the stigma of incest. When I grew up with my two sisters, I often hated them. There was NO infatuation to cloud my perception of them. I saw all of their flaws and the way that they treated me. It is MUCH different when a guy meets a gal and sees only the nice front that she is presenting to him. And of course, the same thing applies vice-versa. The thought of committing incest never crossed my mind. It was simple unthinkable. However, with other women, lust is always POTENTIALLY just a few seconds away. There is NO comparison.

[lurk]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

[Vendome]

[a fool in paradise]

“Echoing feminist critics of the rule”

Feminist founders of NOW specifically sought to encourage infidelity and smash the institution of marriage and end the concept of monogamy.

The Left’s criticism of the rule is not based on any principles or “fears” except that it makes it harder to blackmail someone (with a real or fake scandal).

[VietVet]

Do not we pray, “Lead us not into temptation?”

[a fool in paradise]

>>Just Friend-Zone Everyone, and Then You’re Safe.

Friend-zoning can be selfish act when on party uses the friendship to complain about all of the reckless abandon and frivolous flings (s)he is engaging in and needing comforting after the fun wears off. Are they seeking validation of their sexual lifestyle choices? Rubbing it in someone’s face who’s been put on the short leash?

[InterceptPoint]

However, with other women, lust is always POTENTIALLY just a few seconds away. There is NO comparison.
+++++++++
You nailed it.

It’s just the way we are wired. While you can always walk away for quite good reasons, the lust follows you out the door.

[GOP Poet]

bookmark

[Secret Agent Man]

Not possible to be friends.

Friends dont wait to get pissh at something you say so they can then be offended and have their desired drama and tension tantrum.

Friends dont expect you to fix all their broken stuff and do things for them, but they never seem to return the favor when you really need help.

Women do not keep men around to be friends. Men are just things that do things for them, and if you are not going to do things for them, or be an emotional tampon for them, they will no longer want to “be friends”.

Guys can hang out, they dont expect other friends to just do things for them without reciprocating, they dont create drama and get pissy because they are bored or are offended.

And guys dont lie about being raped or sexually harassed by other guys.

[knarf]

God made men and women different for one simple reason ....

Genesis 1:28
King James Version (KJV)

28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

To multiply and replenish the earth (so that they can) have dominion over all of the rest of creation.

Sin screwed things up ... a LOT ... but the basic purpose never changed.

Men desire women and women (should) desire men.

Why the (should) ?

Because women got glitched somewhere along the line.

Men still desire women but women will not admit to desiring men

.

[21twelve]

“And guys don’t lie about being raped or sexually harassed by other guys.”

I’ve always thought that the “Pence Rule” was primarily about that. (As was Billy Graham’s before him.) Perhaps some of it was to curb actual lust, but primarily to avoid the perception of wrong-doing (”What was she doing in there with Dr. Graham for an hour with the door closed!!??”). And I think in today’s world to avoid any false accusations.

I’ve been in numerous small-group Bible studies with women in them. Of course, we were mostly all married couples, but they became “friends” in the context of those weekly studies in our various homes and in church. Of course it never dawned on me to meet up with one of the women for drinks after work. (Well - actually we did a few times - with my wife and as a group before going out for some other function.)

[Olog-hai]

Now I can’t get a certain song by a band called War out of my head.

[Flaming Conservative]

Byrd needs to read the Book of Proverbs. I am dismayed at the ideas some modern Christians have. Don’t they ever read The Book?

[wardaddy]

I was only friends with three types of girls growing up

1) those I wasn’t attracted to

2) those who I was sexually attracted to and thought maybe a chance one day in the future I’d get to the bases

3) my male friends girlfriends...and I’m still friends with several of those girls who married divorced etc

Most of my friends here are girls and were we all younger and single I’d prolly be sweating them and getting rejected a lot but maybe not totally

It’s just how men and women work...

Now as an old man @ 60 I am actually friendly in a grandpa way with very young women from work or my daughters pals..

Everyone knows I adore women and beauty but they also know I’m old and loyal to my wife of many years who they also like and admire for her fashion intellect and staying power being in shape and still hot in her early 50s

I enjoy their company and since I have zero skin in the game it’s just cool and you get to see young women like they really are without being blurry with lust...not saying I’m blind ...it’s just different

My teen boys are like dad how can you strike up a conversation and relax talking to such gorgeous women...

It’s simple when you aren’t thinking about sex but just listening to them and admiring their awesomeness respectfully

My wife says I enjoy the attention....lol

I can’t think of any better exit than at my funeral a few young girls who admired me waxing he was pretty cool for an old guy

Distinguished looking is the proper term....lol

Plus and don’t underestimate...
Women love a man faithful to his wife

[Flaming Conservative]

Plus and don’t underestimate...
Women love a man faithful to his wife.

---

Number one, 60 is NOT old. And number two, a man who is a great husband, is an aphrodisiac to other women, especially if they’re not happy. I’d say you may not be as in the clear as you’d like to think. Caution, wardaddy, caution. ;-)

[Flaming Conservative]

Plus and don’t underestimate...
Women love a man faithful to his wife.

---

Number one, 60 is NOT old. And number two, a man who is a great husband, is an aphrodisiac to other women, especially if they’re not happy. I’d say you may not be as in the clear as you’d like to think. Caution, wardaddy, caution. ;-)

[4Runner]

Plenty of younger good looking women want sex with older men, much older men, and want to control them, and play the game very artfully. Don’t flatter yourself that you’re somehow “exempt” from human nature. Or that you are seeing them “as they really are”. Satan is everywhere. If they can get you to lust after them even if you don’t admit having those thoughts, and even if they plan on rejecting you, they will. It’s what all women do. Regardless of age.

[AnalogReigns]

The “Billy Graham” rule (developed in the late 1940s) was NOT merely about sex, but about integrity in life and ministry in general.

Sometimes called the “Modesto Manifesto,” Graham and his ministry partners (his preaching was just part of the whole Crusade ministry) all agreed on four points:

1) Money: Evangelists before him existed on the collections they took—and hence were tempted to make very emotional appeals, and play to big crowds....just to get more money. Graham and associates also made their living from collections—but agreed to each be on a fixed salary—and to uphold the highest standards of financial accountability in the organization—to avoid the shady “Elmer Gantry” type corruption others in ministry had been known for.....

2) Sexual: “We all knew of evangelists who had fallen into immorality while separated from their families by travel. We pledged among ourselves to avoid any situation that would have even the appearance of compromise or suspicion. From that day on, I did not travel, meet or eat alone with a woman other than my wife. We determined that the Apostle Paul’s mandate to the young pastor Timothy would be ours as well: “Flee … youthful lusts” (2 Timothy 1:22, KJV).” (from the BillyGraham.org website)

3)”Our third concern was the tendency of many evangelists to carry on their work apart from the local church, even to criticize local pastors and churches openly and scathingly. We were convinced, however, that this was not only counterproductive but also wrong from the Bible’s standpoint. We determined to cooperate with all who would cooperate with us in the public proclamation of the Gospel, and to avoid an antichurch or anticlergy attitude.”

4) “The fourth and final issue was publicity. The tendency among some evangelists was to exaggerate their successes or to claim higher attendance numbers than they really had. This likewise discredited evangelism and brought the whole enterprise under suspicion. It often made the press so suspicious of evangelists that they refused to take notice of their work. In Modesto we committed ourselves to integrity in our publicity and our reporting.”

As you can see, Graham wasn’t hung up on sex—he just wanted to maintain his integrity....which, by every account, against a LOT of odds (esp. with his huge successes!), he did, magnificently.

It’s really hard to argue with one of the greatest Christian evangelists in history on how to maintain integrity.

[irishjuggler]

I guess a lot of this really depends on how one defines 'friends.' I can definitely see potential difficulties if 'being friends' means an opposite-sex pair hanging out by themselves or communicating on a very regular basis. And I think that's the very wise basis for the so-called Pence Rule. \ But if 'friendship' is defined more broadly in terms of merely being friendly with someone, appreciating the person's good qualities, perhaps helping the other person with occasional advice, etc., I honestly don't think it's that big of a deal for men and women to be 'just friends' under those more broadly defined circumstances. In fact, I believe that it happens all the time among professional colleagues, schoolmates, family friends, etc.. I mean, sure, there's an insurmountable barrier to being 'just friends' if one or both of the two has designs on a sexual relationship (or even a fantasy thereof).

But aren't there men and women who simply aren't interested in each other in a sexual way (e.g., due to being happily married to people they like better, or perhaps because of age difference or physical incapability or perhaps simply as a result of not being attracted to each other)? This is just an off-the-wall example, and maybe it's off-base, but think about Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher. The perception that I always had is that they were, in a sense, friends. They liked and admired each other, and enjoyed talking to each other and visiting occasionally. As far as I know, they were happily married to their respective spouses and there was nothing improper about their relationship. Of course, maybe someone will come on here and say that Ron and Maggie were never friends, couldn't have cared less about each other and that their purported friendship was a media creation or perhaps an example of two cynical, cunning politicians using each other to achieve various political ends.. I don't know. They seemed like friends to me.

[Yaelle]

This Byrd lady must never have read Somerset Maugham’s story “Rain.”