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Pope Admits Hes Making Up Pretty Much Everything As He Goes
Babylon Bee ^ | May 21, 2018

Posted on 06/14/2018 11:28:40 AM PDT by Lazamataz

VATICAN CITY—In an honest, impromptu homily delivered Monday, Pope Francis admitted he is just making most of his theology up as he goes, ignoring thousands of years of official Church doctrine in favor of “whatever pops into my head at the time.”

Where past Popes have been careful in their attempts to stay in line with official Catholic teaching, Pope Francis confessed he doesn’t really know much official doctrine, stating that he’s more of a “shoot from the hip kind of guy” when it comes to weighty topics of morality, salvation, God, and eternity.

“People ask me questions, and I’m not always sure what to say, so honestly I’m just winging it,” the Pope said in his candid, unscheduled address. “This job is really hard, when you think about it. Trying to be the Vicar of Christ and deal with everybody’s complicated theological questions all at the same time? Ugh. It gives me a headache. So I just start talking. Even I’m surprised with what comes out sometimes.”

“I just want everyone to know about, like, love and God and stuff,” he added thoughtfully before beginning to take questions from those gathered in the Sistine Chapel, with the Pope signing off on Christian fornication, adultery, and polygamy during the short impromptu Q&A session.

At publishing time, frantic Catholic leadership had located the Pope and tackled him to the ground to prevent him from saying anything further.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: itssatirepeople; saps; satire; unlabeledsatire
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1 posted on 06/14/2018 11:28:40 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz

We knew that!


2 posted on 06/14/2018 11:30:08 AM PDT by notaliberal (St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle,)
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To: Lazamataz

It’s just a translation problem.


3 posted on 06/14/2018 11:31:00 AM PDT by ClearCase_guy (Yes, I get it - racism is bad and mutual respect and inclusion is good. But value Truth too.)
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To: Lazamataz

There’s a reason why this is so darned funny! And that reason, sadly, isn’t funny.


4 posted on 06/14/2018 11:31:24 AM PDT by Albion Wilde (Trump is a real estate genius because he lives rent-free in so many heads.)
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To: Lazamataz

The Delusional Lying Left’s Useful Idiot.


5 posted on 06/14/2018 11:31:25 AM PDT by Jim 0216 (MAGA by restoring the Gospel of the Grace of Christ and our Free Constitutional Republic!)
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To: Lazamataz

The question is: How with the Babylon Bee report the fall of Mystery Babylon?


6 posted on 06/14/2018 11:31:49 AM PDT by SubMareener (Save us from Quarterly Freepathons! Become a MONTHLY DONOR)
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To: Lazamataz

EVERYTHHING? Does he even know Latin?


7 posted on 06/14/2018 11:32:55 AM PDT by rktman (Enlisted in the Navy in '67 to protect folks rights to strip my rights. WTH?)
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To: Lazamataz

/Sarc I assume


8 posted on 06/14/2018 11:33:40 AM PDT by HangnJudge
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To: Lazamataz

Fake - but accurate


9 posted on 06/14/2018 11:34:04 AM PDT by a fool in paradise (Spygate's clock began in 2015 - what did President Obama know and when did he know it?)
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To: Lazamataz

Ha ha! Love the Onion...wait. wahat?


10 posted on 06/14/2018 11:34:38 AM PDT by DariusBane (Liberty and Risk. Flip sides of the same coin. So how much risk will YOU accept? Vive Deo et Vives)
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To: Lazamataz

Been making up things since 300ad...


11 posted on 06/14/2018 11:38:06 AM PDT by aMorePerfectUnion
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To: Lazamataz
Morgan Fairchild whispers in my ear at night:


12 posted on 06/14/2018 11:38:29 AM PDT by DCBryan1 (Quit calling them liberals, progressives, or Democrats. Call them what they are: COMMUNISTS!)
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To: Lazamataz

OMG!!!! Jesus WEPT....again.


13 posted on 06/14/2018 11:40:35 AM PDT by Ann Archy (Abortion....... The HUMAN Sacrifice to the god of Convenience.)
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To: Lazamataz

so is it all “ex-cathedra” ???


14 posted on 06/14/2018 11:41:36 AM PDT by Tennessee Nana
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

Impossible. I know you’re old, but you’re not *that* old.


15 posted on 06/14/2018 11:44:29 AM PDT by Mrs. Don-o ("Let us commend ourselves, and one another, and our whole life, unto Christ Our God.")
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To: Lazamataz

Is the Babylon Bee reliable? This is an astonishing admission.

Best to wait for some kind of confirmation. Right now I just can’t believe it.


16 posted on 06/14/2018 11:46:17 AM PDT by MichaelCorleone (Jesus Christ is not a religion. He's the Truth.)
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To: Mrs. Don-o
😂
17 posted on 06/14/2018 11:48:43 AM PDT by aMorePerfectUnion
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To: MichaelCorleone

The Babylon Bee is beyond reproach. Other headlines:

Using World-Famous Negotiation Skills, Trump Convinces Little Caesars Cashier To Sell Him $5 Hot-N-Ready Pizza For $10

Melania Trump Criticized For Not Being Michelle Obama

Fox News Slams Jesus For Never Once Standing During National Anthem


18 posted on 06/14/2018 11:48:53 AM PDT by Lazamataz (What America needs is more Hogg control.)
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To: Lazamataz

Shoot from the hip?

Who does this Pope think he is? The Donald Trump of religion?

LOL, I can’t believe he’d say this.


19 posted on 06/14/2018 11:50:36 AM PDT by Pearls Before Swine ("Married with children.")
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To: Lazamataz

Maybe he should read the guidance book. It’s called the Bible.


20 posted on 06/14/2018 11:57:05 AM PDT by Retvet (Retvet)
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