ESPYs host Danica Patrick falls flat in opening monologue

AP ^ | 7/18/2018 | BETH HARRIS

[McGruff]

Danica Patrick’s monologue to open the ESPYs went over like, well, a flat tire at the Indianapolis 500.

The newly retired racecar driver was the first woman to host the annual show honoring the past year’s best athletes and moments on Wednesday night in Los Angeles.

Her first joke about Cleveland fell flat. A crack about vertically challenged Astros second baseman Jose Altuve fell, uh, short too, although he managed a slight smile in the audience.

[McGruff]

Well she was never much endowed in her racin career. Picture at link.

[Grimmy]

I haven’t been following racing at all for the last bunch of years.

Was Danica ever anything more than an SJW figurehead for Grrrll Powah! ?

[AnotherUnixGeek]

ESPYs host Danica Patrick falls flat in opening monologue

Her entire racing career seemed to be based solely on her gender and her looks, not on any talent or accomplishments. Seems her new gig as emcee is turning out the same way. Hopefully she's at least showing Aaron Rodgers a good time.

[relee]

I thought the Tiger Woods joke was funny

[ButThreeLeftsDo]

Fried eggs.

[McGruff]

Speaking of flat.

nice outfit though.

[the OlLine Rebel]

Nice woman, attractive, and probably better than you at driving, but yeah, she never actually amounted to much. She’s been eye candy.

She’s the Chantal Sutherland of car racing. (OOOooo isn’t she sexy let’s put her on ads for the sport!)

Meanwhile a star jockey like Rosie Napravnik wasn’t sexy enough to get on even a local billboard. Too bad she quit to have babies.

[dfwgator]

At least I don’t see any tats on her.

[yarddog]

I think she was a competent driver but not a class leader.

I saw a photo of her standing next to an NFL QB. She really is tiny.

[Army Air Corps]

The thing is, there are female racing drivers who are far better than Danica.

[Ken H]

“ESPYs host Danica Patrick falls flat”

Same thing happened to Dolly Parton, but she bounced back.

[McGruff]

The guy's name is Aaron Rodgers.

She was dating a young NASCAR driver boy toy previous to that.

[Lurkina.n.Learnin]

My mother was faster than her with my two brothers and I standing in the seats, smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer.

[SecondAmendment]

> At least I don’t see any tats on her.

You were saying ...

[dfwgator]

Darnit!

[Kickass Conservative]

Danica was to Race Cars what McCain was to Fighter Jets.

[spel_grammer_an_punct_polise]

Richard Petty said of her, as to why he did not want her driving for him, “She can qualify good and practice good but she is not a racer.

He said that when it was announced that she would be moving to NASCAR. He was right. She never amounted to anything either in open-wheel racing or NASCAR.

The one open-wheel race she won was in Japan and Castroneves could have beaten her but Penske told him on the radio, “Let her go,” so that she could have a ‘win’.

It was all about having a female in racing, period.

[McGruff]

Ouch! LOL!

[Vendome]

I don’t care what any of you say.

I’d hit that in a New York Minute...

[Tax-chick]

Perhaps she should have tried sincerity and brevity, instead of jokes. Something on the order of, “We’re here to recognize some of the great athletic achievements of the past year, so let’s get right to it!”