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Cool off with Some Silly Stuff
email from a friend | 7/29/2018 | unknown

Posted on 07/29/2018 11:35:40 AM PDT by sodpoodle

You may, or may not know it, but I have been very busy over the past two years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book about golf. I am very proud of the results and in order to market the publication, I am asking friends and family to be the first to own a copy.

Here's the Table of Contents from the new book, "Winning Golf Strategies," which I believe gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information that I have gained through my own years of experience in the game and observations of my many golfing partners.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 - How to properly line up your fourth putt.

Chapter 2 - How to hit a Nike from the rough when you hit a Titleist from the tee.

Chapter 3 - How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in a bunker.

Chapter 4 - How to get more distance off the shank.

Chapter 5 - When to give the Ranger the finger.

Chapter 6 - Using your shadow on the greens to confuse your opponent.

Chapter 7 - When to implement handicap management.

Chapter 8 - Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9 a.m.

Chapter 9 - How to urinate behind a 4" x 4" post…undetected.

Chapter 10 - How to rationalize a 6-hour round.

Chapter 11 - How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water.

Chapter 12 - Why your spouse doesn't care that you birdied the 5th.

Chapter 13 - How to let a foursome play through your twosome.

Chapter 14 - How to relax when you are hitting three off the tee.

Chapter 15 - When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent.

Chapter 16 - God and the meaning of The Birdie-To-Bogey Putt.

Chapter 17 - When to re-grip your ball retriever.

Chapter 18 - Use a strong grip on the hand wedge and weak slip on the foot wedge.

Chapter 19 - Why male golfers will pay $5.00 a beer from the cart girl and give her a $3 tip, but will balk at a $3.50 Beer at the 19th hole and stiff the bartender.

Hopefully, you will find this book intriguing and purchase a copy. Please send on and hopefully more people will buy copies!!!

Thank You

(ps... I could write a chapter 20, too..... How to make a snowman on a hot summer day!)

TOPICS: Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: golf; marriage
A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples' alternate shot Tournament at his club. He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway.

Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife, "Just hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will Be fine."

The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods. Undaunted, the husband said "That's OK, Sweetheart" and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole. He told his wife to knock the ball in

His wife then proceeded to knock the ball off the green and into a bunker. Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker.

He took the ball out of the hole and while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey five and that's OK, but I think we can do better on the next hole".

To which she replied, "Listen asshole, don't bitch at me, Only 2 of those 5 shots were mine."

1 posted on 07/29/2018 11:35:40 AM PDT by sodpoodle
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8 words with 2 meanings...

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female... Any part under a car’s hood.
Male....... The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female... Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male....... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni- kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male...... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male....... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter- tayn-ment) n.
Female... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male....... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female... An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male....... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male...... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.

Male...... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes. AND He said..... I don’t know why you wear a bra; you’ve got nothing to put in it. She said.... You wear pants, don’t you? He said...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said.... That’s a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart! He said...... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said.... Turn sideways and look in the mirror! He said...... Why are married women heavier than single women? She said.... Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

2 posted on 07/29/2018 11:37:28 AM PDT by sodpoodle (Life is prickly - carry tweezers)
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To: sodpoodle

Looks great. Keep writing, please. Anything to make golf more attractive will sell big time.

3 posted on 07/29/2018 1:16:44 PM PDT by Falconspeed ("Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others." Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-94))
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To: sodpoodle


4 posted on 07/29/2018 1:31:36 PM PDT by Getready (Wisdom is more valuable than gold and diamonds, and harder to find.)
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To: sodpoodle

I’ve been waiting for this book all my life!

5 posted on 07/29/2018 2:17:54 PM PDT by publius911 (Rule by Fiat-Obama's a Phone and a Pen)
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To: sodpoodle

MMMmmm OGG like funny stuff.

6 posted on 07/29/2018 4:29:21 PM PDT by mabarker1 (congress- the opposite of PROGRESS!!!)
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To: sodpoodle

Ping me when it’s published, please.

7 posted on 07/30/2018 6:36:51 AM PDT by BBB333 (The Power Of Trump Compels You!)
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