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It wasn’t worth it, says 103-year-old vegetarian
The daily mash ^ | October 2015 | staff

Posted on 09/02/2018 6:37:25 PM PDT by aMorePerfectUnion

A MAN who extended his life span by avoiding processed meats bitterly regrets having done so, it has emerged.

103-year-old Roy Hobbs never ate sausages, bacon or black pudding apart from a one-off fried breakfast which he admits was mind-bendingly delicious.

He said: “I am over a century old, partly because I’ve exercised extreme self-control when it comes to my base desire for meat.

“Many times I’ve been tempted. One time in Birmingham train station I actually bought a burger and raised it to my salivating mouth, but never took a bite.

“Only once, while staying in a corporate hotel for work, did I succumb to a frantic bout of pleasure with a full breakfast buffet. I had fourteen sausages. Afterwards I lay on my bed for two and a half hours, sweaty but elated.”

Hobbs admitted that, despite living to an impressive age, he still thinks about meat with a sense of regret: “I am old now, and frankly it is shit. But it’s too late to eat a steak because I have no teeth.

“If I could I would appear to my younger self as an apparition and say ‘eat burgers, and meat pies too’. But in a deep ghost-y voice so that it sounded convincing.”


TOPICS: Food; Health/Medicine; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: humor; humorless; satire; vanity; vegetarian
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date was a few years ago, but no one posted this crucial article.
1 posted on 09/02/2018 6:37:25 PM PDT by aMorePerfectUnion
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

I’m guessing this is satire.


2 posted on 09/02/2018 6:41:09 PM PDT by AlaskaErik (I served and protected my country for 31 years. Progressives spent that time trying to destroy it.)
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

Just thinking about the people in my life who have some sort of food fetish... They all look like shite.


3 posted on 09/02/2018 6:42:09 PM PDT by freedomjusticeruleoflaw
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

Where are the statistical tests of significance here?


4 posted on 09/02/2018 6:43:18 PM PDT by Paladin2
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

LOL!! Ghost of Meat Meals Past!!

I think this is Fake News at it’s finest.

Any ‘updates’ on Roy???


5 posted on 09/02/2018 6:44:51 PM PDT by Jane Long (Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow.)
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

Sooooo, is he 106 now?


6 posted on 09/02/2018 6:45:58 PM PDT by null and void (McCain is dead but his ego lives on.)
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

Satire.

Not well done.


7 posted on 09/02/2018 6:46:02 PM PDT by marktwain (President Trump and his supporters are the Resistance. His opponents are the Reactionaries.)
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To: Jane Long

GMTA


8 posted on 09/02/2018 6:46:20 PM PDT by null and void (McCain is dead but his ego lives on.)
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To: Jane Long

Roy Hobbs...Is he a former major league baseball player with a bat named “Wonderboy”??????


9 posted on 09/02/2018 6:47:33 PM PDT by JBW1949 (I'm really PC....PATRIOTICALLY CORRECT!!!!)
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To: Jane Long

I think Roy is Still dead.
Sorry.


10 posted on 09/02/2018 6:47:42 PM PDT by Big Red Badger (UNSCANABLE in an IDIOCRACY)
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To: null and void
👍🏼
11 posted on 09/02/2018 6:48:47 PM PDT by Jane Long (Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow.)
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To: Big Red Badger

If he ain’t dead ,
No one would know.


12 posted on 09/02/2018 6:48:51 PM PDT by Big Red Badger (UNSCANABLE in an IDIOCRACY)
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To: Big Red Badger

Oh? You have an update on Roy? Please do post!!

Otherwise....eeeee’s not dead, yet!!


13 posted on 09/02/2018 6:49:42 PM PDT by Jane Long (Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow.)
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

Life’s a b!^$#, you eat nothing but bird seed and tofu all your life, and wake up at 103, dying of absolutely nothing.


14 posted on 09/02/2018 6:50:12 PM PDT by norwaypinesavage (The stone age didn't end because we ran out of stones.)
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

Headed to the liquor store to get a carton of camel non filters


15 posted on 09/02/2018 6:50:43 PM PDT by jcon40 (The other post before yours really nails it for me. I have been a DOithS / PC guy forever and alway)
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To: freedomjusticeruleoflaw

I’ve yet to see a vegetarian who has soft healthy looking hair.


16 posted on 09/02/2018 6:50:45 PM PDT by Guardian Sebastian (God Bless President Trump and Keep Him Safe)
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To: Big Red Badger

The question isn’t if he’s dead, the question is, is he truly alive?


17 posted on 09/02/2018 6:52:45 PM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

Click on the link for “The Daily Mash” at the top of the article. It’s a humor site similar to The Onion.


18 posted on 09/02/2018 6:52:54 PM PDT by GreenHornet
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To: aMorePerfectUnion

Since he's jonesing for some meat, send that guy to this FR thread:

       Oh Hot Dog!

and since, at 103, he's still just a young whippersnapper, send him to this FR thread, to show him how to live to a ripe old age:

       Stunning anti-ageing breakthrough could see humans live to 150

19 posted on 09/02/2018 6:54:14 PM PDT by Songcraft
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To: aMorePerfectUnion
I have a friend that lives her life in exactly this way.

She has congenitally high cholesterol. Parent and grandparents died young from heart attacks.

She eats no red meat. Survives basically on salad. Occasionally has a small glass of wine.

She wants to see her grandchildren grow up. She lives her life with that goal in mind. She is in her fifties and as thin as a rail.

20 posted on 09/02/2018 6:55:31 PM PDT by Pontiac (The welfare state must fail because it is contrary to human nature and diminishes the human spirit.)
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