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To: DoodleBob

You beat me to it!

“t was initially heralded by the sound of Gabriel’s trumpet escaping the sphincter of one poor soul. He hit the latrine and sounded as if he kicked the stall door open. For the next thirty minutes, I listened to the sounds of a live humpback whale being butchered by a blind man wielding a chainsaw.”


15 posted on 10/28/2018 8:58:27 AM PDT by dynachrome (When an empire dies, you are left with vast monuments in front of which peasants squat to defecate)
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To: dynachrome

A delicious treat that should be enjoyed only after the following preparations have been made,
1- make sure it’s Friday and cancel all weekend plans, for good measure go ahead and call in for Monday
2- call the city and make sure your water bill is paid in full
3 visit your local hardware store and purchase a sink attachment for your garden hose as toilet paper will quickly become too painful to bear
4 give advanced notice to family members, roommates and neighbors unless you’re keen on trying to give birth to a crushed watermelon while convincing your local swat team that both the screaming and demonic noises are from you and a dynamic entry would only bring about more needless suffering
5- redo your restroom in motivational pictures, ones with slogans like courage is fear hanging on one minute longer, the only easy day was yesterday etc, I also advise posting up the suicide prevention hotline number or having a dedicated friend or other support group to walk you through the low times.

Lastly I must strongly urge you to consider why you are thinking of buying this product, is it a sense of deep self loathing? A reckless sense of adventure? Are you researching dysentery? perhaps you are the drill sergeant of some extreme commando unit seeking to break down the enemies will to fight by airdropping these into their midst. If you are just curious then let me say oh fellow human, beware for this life is dangerous enough, next time I want a thrill I’ll skydive without a parachute, that way at least I’ll have a chance.

https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-SUGAR-Classic-Gummi-Bears/product-reviews/B006J1FBLM/ref=cm_cr_getr_d_paging_btm_1?pageNumber=1


22 posted on 10/28/2018 9:15:25 AM PDT by Bob434
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