Posted on 11/09/2018 10:42:30 AM PST by MNDude
God created Adam and then said to him, "it is not good that you are alone. I intend to make a companion for you to unite with. This companion will provide you quiet understanding and patience, she will share your interests, communicate with you in ways you best understand. Whenever you desire physical intimacy, she will share the same desire equally."
Adam replies "Lord, that is wonderful! When does this companion come?"
The Lord replies "I will create her now out of you, but it will cost you an arm and a leg."
Adam replies, "that sounds costly, what can I get for a rib?"
Adam replies, “that sounds costly, what can I get for a rib?”
God replies, “Ruth Bader Ginsburg”..................
I think RBG is what you get for a hemorrhoid.
Adam replies, “that sounds costly, what can I get for a rib?”
Try this:
God caused Adam to sleep soundly and removed a rib. From that, he formed the woman.
When Adam woke, he wiped the sleep from his eyes and looked over at what God had made and said
“Whoa”
“Man”
Three nuns died in a horrific taxi accident. In Heaven St.Peter at the Golden Gate congratulated them on their much praised work for the Lord. However, he stated that each one in order to enter through the gate must answer correctly one question concerning the Garden of Eden. “If you answer correctly the light will flash, the bell will ring and the Gate will open for you to enter.”
To the first nun he asked, “Who were the two people in the Garden”? “That’s an easy one she said, it was Adam and Eve. The light flashed, the bell rang and the Gate opened.
To the second nun he asked, “Satan was in the Garden, how was he identified”? “That’s an easy one she said, Satan was the snake”. Again the light flashed, the bell rang and the Gate opened for her to enter.
To the third nun he asked, “what were the first words Eve said to Adam”? “Oh, she said that’s a hard one”
The light flashed, the bell rang and the Gate swung open.
A guy is laying on a beech in California when a bottle washes up at his feet.
He rubs the bottle and out pops a genie who granted him one wish.
“I am scared to fly but I always wanted to go to Hawaii so I would like a bridge from California to Hawaii.”
The genie scoffs and says “Do you have any idea how deep the Pacific Ocean is? How do you expect to be me to be able to make such a feat of engineering? No. I’ll grant you another wish.”
“I want to be able to understand women.”
“Yea uhhhh hmmm well ..... Were you wanting a 2 lane bridge or a 4 lane bridge?”
That reminds me of an old one:
How do we know that Adam and Eve were Irish?
Eve looked at Adam and said "Oh, tool."
Adam look at Eve and said "Oh, hair."
I would have guessed, “here are the proposed terms for a pre-nup.”
A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it and a genie pops out and says he’ll grant him three wishes but, being a sneaky genie, says that whatever the man wishes for his horrible shrew of an ex-wife will get double.
The man first wishes for an 8,000 square foot mansion on the beach.
Poof! He gets his mansion and there’s another mansion next door at 16,000 square feet, belonging to the ex-wife.
Next, the man wishes for a billion dollars in various currencies, so he can travel the world.
Poof! He gets a giant pile of money in the foyer of his mansion. He also hears the sound of 2 billion landing on the floor of the foyer next door, a massive windfall to the horrid ex-wife.
He thinks long and hard about his third wish and finally says to the genie “I’d like to be beaten half to death.”
++.
God replied, “of course Adam, you can ask me anything you wish.”
Adam hesitated a little, shuffled his feet, and asked God,“Why did you make Eve so beautiful”?
God smiled as though the answer were obvious and said, “so that you will love her”.
Adam acknowledged that but clearly had another question on his mind so he asked God, “then why did you make her so soft and curvy”?
God’s smile broadened as he answered, “So you will love her”.
The puzzled look on Adam’s face indicated he had one more question that may be a little tougher. Adam was still smarting a bit after being removed from the Garden of Eden, and asked one more question, “God, please tell me why you made Eve so dumb”?
God’s eyes twinkled as he replied “So she will love you”.
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