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Recently Pardoned Turkey Found Dead After Claiming To Have Dirt On Hillary Clinton
The Babylon Bee ^ | 11-26-2018 | Staff

Posted on 11/26/2018 5:30:51 PM PST by NRx

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A turkey recently pardoned by President Trump was found dead after claiming to have dirt on the Clintons, sources at the FBI confirmed Monday.

The official cause of death was suicide, though the bullet wounds were in the back of the turkey's head and the bird lacked opposable thumbs with which to operate a firearm.

The turkey had been publicly pardoned for the crime of being delicious and set free by Trump in a popular White House Thanksgiving tradition. Shortly after being released, the turkey confirmed its possession of "credible" information that would lead to the indictment of Hillary Clinton, posting on the bird's social media account that it was a good thing Trump had pardoned the turkey, so the world could find the truth out about the Clintons.

Metro police discovered the turkey's body the next morning, shot twice in the back of the head and stabbed in the back. There was a nearby handwritten note confirming that the death was "not fowl play."


TOPICS:
KEYWORDS: arkancide; satire

1 posted on 11/26/2018 5:30:51 PM PST by NRx
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To: NRx

BB has SO eclipsed The Onion!


2 posted on 11/26/2018 5:32:59 PM PST by freedumb2003 (As always IMHO)
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To: NRx

Officials have declared that the death was a suicide.


3 posted on 11/26/2018 5:34:10 PM PST by webheart (Grammar police on the scene.)
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To: NRx
No animal is safe from Arkancide.


4 posted on 11/26/2018 5:34:57 PM PST by DoodleBob
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To: NRx

All we are saying
is give Peas a chance!


5 posted on 11/26/2018 5:38:17 PM PST by 17th Miss Regt
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To: NRx

Seriously, this is a parody? No, man, I am pretty sure this happened. It’s happened often enough.


6 posted on 11/26/2018 5:39:14 PM PST by Yaelle
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To: 17th Miss Regt

Imagine Whirled Peas


7 posted on 11/26/2018 5:50:57 PM PST by nevadapatriot
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To: NRx

I came, I saw, I laughed!


8 posted on 11/26/2018 6:53:51 PM PST by lee martell (AT)
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To: NRx

Bwaaaaaahh


9 posted on 11/26/2018 6:59:43 PM PST by South Dakota
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To: NRx

Lol.


10 posted on 11/26/2018 7:08:55 PM PST by JPJones (More tariffs, less income tax.)
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To: NRx

Wife and I thank you for the laugh of the day!


11 posted on 11/26/2018 7:10:34 PM PST by DJ Frisat (Hey - what happened to my clever tag line?)
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To: NRx

But was the body found in Fort Marcy Park?


12 posted on 11/26/2018 9:23:32 PM PST by notpoliticallycorewrecked (Will the last responsible person leaving California, please turn out the lights.)
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To: NRx

Was the turkey named “Vince”?


13 posted on 11/26/2018 11:27:41 PM PST by MadMax, the Grinning Reaper
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