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Global Warming Pinned On Kid Who Keeps Leaving The Front Door Wide Open While The Heater Is On
Babylon Bee ^ | 11/26/2018

Posted on 11/26/2018 11:42:42 PM PST by Gamecock

(Satire)

GRANTS PASS, OR—Scientists have finally discovered the primary cause of global warming: local kid Oliver Paulson, who left the front door wide open dozens of times while the heater was on this past weekend.

Every time the boy runs inside from playing, he leaves the front door open, and it looks like we're all going to pay the price from his carelessness.

"Are we heating the whole neighborhood!?" his father bellowed Saturday afternoon after Paulson dashed inside. Little did his dad know that they were actually heating not only the whole neighborhood, but also the entire world. "Someone around here must have stock in the gas company!" he added, but to no avail. The damage had been done.

Climate scientists estimate the globe will be in turmoil within a few short years, all because little Oliver was apparently "born in a barn."

Experts warned that it may be too late to reverse the damage, but suggested that kids "close the dang door" anyway just in case we can all still be saved from our fiery fate.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: satire

1 posted on 11/26/2018 11:42:42 PM PST by Gamecock
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To: Gamecock

Can’t we just start taxing childish behavior?


2 posted on 11/26/2018 11:49:48 PM PST by Telepathic Intruder
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To: Gamecock

Oliver sucks!! Down with Oliver!!


3 posted on 11/26/2018 11:55:19 PM PST by albie
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To: Gamecock

Perhaps if we could get the kids to leave the refrigerator doors open it would cancel the effect of leaving their front doors open?


4 posted on 11/27/2018 12:07:09 AM PST by who_would_fardels_bear
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To: Gamecock

Funny...


5 posted on 11/27/2018 12:15:40 AM PST by Vendome (I've Gotta Be Me https://youtu.be/wH-pk2vZGw2M)
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To: albie

Oliver now identifies as Olivia.. You should feel awful about yourself. Just awful.


6 posted on 11/27/2018 12:21:28 AM PST by gundog
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To: Gamecock

Perhaps there are too many people who have shifted their fear of hellfire and damnation to the broiler plate of Global Warming.


7 posted on 11/27/2018 1:07:23 AM PST by jonrick46 (Cultural Marxism is the cult of the Left waiting for the Mothership.)
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To: Gamecock

My parents came to visit me in my first apartment I got to work at my first job. It was about 95 degrees. My dad came in, leaving the front door open. He cranked down the thermostat as he passed into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator and freezer doors and stood there. I asked, “What are you doing?” He looked at me and said, “Paying you back.”


8 posted on 11/27/2018 2:00:09 AM PST by Gen.Blather
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To: Gamecock

That’s easy enough to correct. Just leave the door open all summer and come January it’ll be nice and cool.


9 posted on 11/27/2018 3:10:43 AM PST by rawcatslyentist ("All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing")
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To: Gen.Blather; Chode; Squantos

ROFLMAOPIMP!!!

My Dad would have loved that !!!


10 posted on 11/27/2018 3:57:11 AM PST by mabarker1 (Congress- the opposite of PROGRESS!!!)
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To: Gen.Blather

My oldest child purchased an old couch and put it in the basement for me to jump on when I visit. Child heeded my warnings!


11 posted on 11/27/2018 4:45:31 AM PST by Cletus.D.Yokel (Catastrophic, Anthropogenic Climate Alterations: The acronym explains the science.)
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To: Cletus.D.Yokel

My German Shepherd does the same thing. She knows how to open the patio door and get in but never closes it. We had to tape the freezer door shut as she learned how to self serve a nice roast to herself too.

Maybe she should run for a guberment office?


12 posted on 11/27/2018 5:06:29 AM PST by oldasrocks (rump)
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To: Gamecock

apparently billion heir Beto is the one responsible for all of this hot air

Beto O’Rourke leaves door open to 2020 presidential run
CNN ^ | November 26, 2018 | Eric Bradner
http://freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/3708706/posts


13 posted on 11/27/2018 5:46:45 AM PST by a fool in paradise (Denounce DUAC - The Democrats Un-American Activists Committtee)
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To: Gamecock; SaveFerris; PROCON
It starts with this, but it ends up with high-flow shower heads bought on the black market.


14 posted on 11/27/2018 7:20:12 AM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: Gamecock
Didn't Professor Chaos almost raise the ocean levels?


15 posted on 11/27/2018 7:25:04 AM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: mabarker1

always told the kids, may you someday have kids just like you...


16 posted on 11/27/2018 3:59:15 PM PST by Chode ( We’re America, Bitch!)
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To: Gamecock

Bkm


17 posted on 11/27/2018 7:05:14 PM PST by mabarker1 (Congress- the opposite of PROGRESS!!!)
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