Posted on 02/01/2019 2:21:14 AM PST by sodpoodle
1. My goal for 2019 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.
2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza.. I ate a pizza, are you happy ?
3. How to prepare Tofu: a. Throw it in the trash b. Grill some meat, chicken or fish
4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
5. I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
6. A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero outside they closed school? Yeah, Me neither.
10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
11. I love being over 70, I learn something new every day and forget 5 others.
12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.
13. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
14. November 4, 2018 marked the end of Daylight Saving Time. Hope you didn't forget to set your bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night.
15. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
BOL......great thread.
Great jokes. :-)
It’s true. Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.
I'd like to add this one: I'm so old I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
Good stuff! Especially those of us who remember what dirt smells like when its brand new.
My husband says that when your gas tank hits a quarter, it goes faster.
I am skeptical.
Thanks, buddy!
lol
I’m not REAL old, but I remember when a bunch of quarters out the emergency stash in the ash tray could fill the tank!
I remember $5 being enough for a tank of gas and a weekend out with the friends.
I was going to comment on this post but forgot what I was going to write.
No but I remember our school bus sliding off the road in the ice and snow and having to wait for them to send another bus.
Over what hill?
I didn't see any hill.
Did you see a hill?
Keep em coming. Need a little humor around here at times.
LOVE THIS!!!!! I can’t stop laughing!
On those rare days where school was actually closed, it was off to the local ski slope for me and my peeps........LOL!
I can remember when three bucks would fill up the tank of my motorcycle twice and still leave me with enough money for three hamburgers, fries, and a milkshake at McDonald's ...
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