Posted on 02/09/2019 5:15:32 PM PST by blueunicorn6
We decided (by “We” I mean my wife) that we should celebrate our Son’s big achievement. He got out of bed before noon. No. He graduated. I know. We were all kind of surprised.
We needed an appropriate reward, but Miss Oregon was already taken, so we thought a trip would be nice. Yeah. A good trip. A trip to the big luau. That’s right.
Seattle.
Turns out the whole city was booked up. They were having a coffee stirrers convention or something.
You know, I applied for one of those, what do they call them, bannisters, job. You know....stirring coffee. The wife wanted me to do something since I’m retired. I was happy serving as a policy advisor to the President, but she wanted me to do something that paid.
Well, you don’t just apply for a bannisters job and they give it to you. You have to try out. Like it’s a bowling team or something. They lined the four of us up at a table and the head coffee stirrer puts a cup of coffee and some cream in front of the First Lady and tells her to make some coffee art or something. She pours in some cream and swishes this straw around and violin! She made a mountain range.
Now, I’m no Vincent Da Vichy, so I was getting a little worried.
He puts the stuff in front of the next lady, and she makes a cat’s face.
I’m really sweating now.
The third lady is swishing that straw around for like five minutes and what does she come up with? The Hadron Particle Collider.
I know I’m going to have to be at the top of my game.
The head stirrer puts a cup of coffe and some cream in front of me and says,
“You look like you’re a little older. Delight me.”
I said,
“Delight you? Right here in front of these fine ladies? Usually, a guy will buy me a drink before he wants me to delight him.”
I guess head coffee stirrers don’t have much of a sense of humor.
So, I put the old grey manor into overdrive.
I took the straw and swished it around in the coffee for two or three minutes and then pushed the cup towards him.
“What is that supposed to be?” he asked me.
“I call that Night Coffee”, I said.
It was obvious he wasn’t impressed.
I poured in some cream.
“And what is this?” He inquired.
“I think that looks like your bath water.”
I didn’t get the job.
I was probably too good of an artist.
But I digress.
The travel agent recommended we go to Hawaii, instead.
Yep! The old Sammich Islands. Named after the Earl of Bread or something.
Usually, I’m a little hesitant about visiting a foreign nation, but I thought “Hey! Why not? The worst they could do is throw me in a big old cooking pot and eat me.”
And that’s just the TSA. Who knew what the natives might do?
We wanted the whole Hawaii experience, so I booked some seats on that special Hawaiian airline, The Haole Express.
I got some of those Extra Comfort Seats for us. That meant they had a bottom. They were still only like a foot wide. My behind is just a teeny bit wider than that these days. Oh, when I was a teenager I had a behind that would make the girls swoon. But I stopped eating beans for breakfast and that pretty much kept the girls from falling over.
This native fellow comes down the aisle and asks,
“Would you like a Mai Tai?”
I’m in the spirit so I figure I’ll reply in his native tongue.
“No, a thank you. I a don’t a wear a tie.”
He shakes his head and walks by.
I’d heard they had free booze on this flight when you get close to Hongalulu or whatever their quaint capital is, so I call him back.
“What about the free drink?” I ask.
“You told me you didn’t want a Mai Tai.”
“”What are you, a haberdasher? Doing a little moonlighting to make some extra money? Well here’s a quarter and bring me a real drink. Something fruity and colorful....like a Coors Light.”
To be continued.....
I know some of you don’t like the personal postings. You feel like it’s wasting your time. Well, not all of us can be scientists or brain surgeons or coffee stirring bannisters, so get over it, or something.
Gave me a good chuckle.
:)
Well, that’s a good start.
Wait until the Arrogant Peashooter gets ahold your comments.
LOL! I like your writing style!
You mean humblegunner?
Naw.
He’s my pal.
Every Wednesday night we go out for tacos and whiskey.
Aren’t they only allowing transgenders to graduate these days?
“Transgenders”?
You mean those cars that turn into robots?
I don’t think he can turn into a robot.
He kind of looks like a Buick, though. Mostly in the back.
Beware those coffee bannisters!
I stopped the scrolling to read this. You should push those late night not-funny guys and replace them, You ARE funny!
Thank you!
A compliment from you really makes me feel......well.....worried.
LOL!!
Hilarious!!
I enjoy your writing it makes me giggle. Thank you. More please
Thanks for the post - very chuckle worthy.
Hey there, Georgie girl! Walking down the streets and la la la something.
I can’t remember songs very good anymore.
Except The Hokey Pokey. Figures.
Thanks!
LMAO...this guy’s writing style carried me through the coffee and back to his point. Well done!
Save for BIL....
That was good. I like a your style.
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