Posted on 03/17/2019 11:25:01 AM PDT by Puckster
Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
“Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya”.
“Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?”
“That’s what I’m here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery”
“Oh, God no!” cries Brenda. “Please don’t tell me.”
“I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I’m sorry.”
Finally, she looked up at Tim. “How did it happen, Tim?”
“It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout, and drowned.”
“Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim, did he at least go quickly?”
“Well, Brenda, no. In fact, he got out three times to pee.”
Tim Finnegan of the “Finnegan’s Wake” song fame?
Patty is a girl.
Paddy is St. Pat.
God invented liquor so the Irish would not rule the world...
A black guy dressed as leprechaun walks in a bar...bartender says Get the **** out of here!
PS. You won’t find the spelling “Shamus” anywhere in Ireland; it’s always “Séamus”. Just like “Shawn” or “Shaun” is nowhere to be seen; only “Seán”.
An Irishman walked out of a bar...
It could happen!
I had trouble becoming a lawyer because I couldn’t pass a bar.
“Shamus” is American slang spelling.
Mystery writer slang for private detective too.
What is the definition of symmetry?
The place where an Irishman is buried.
Why is Ireland rich?
Its capital is always Dublin.
Why is cubic zirconium the perfect thing to wear for St. Patrick’s Day?
Because it’s a sham rock.
What happens when four Irishmen get to together? A fifth shows up.
Three Irishmen were arguing over the cheapest price for a beer in town.
The first Irishman states that at his bar the first beer is free and then they are only a Euro a mug after that.
The second Irishman states that at his bar the drinks are free the first time you drink there.
The third Irishman states that he knows of a bar where the drinks are free everytime you go there and each time you get laid for free.
The first and second Irishmen ask the third exactly where this bar is located.
The third Irishman replies, I’m not sure as I must ask my sister, she told me about it.
My uncle drowned in a vat of whiskey.
Upon his cremation it took 3 days to put the fire out.
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