Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Why Does God Hate Caribou?
San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 3/23/5 | Mark Morford

Posted on 03/23/2005 7:52:01 AM PST by SmithL

God wants oil. This is the message. This is the belief. God wants more oil and also uranium and coal and iron and nuclear waste and whatever the hell else we want to pump into or out of this godforsaken lump of floating space rock. Word to the GOP.

In other words, God wants us, if the happily bleak and decidedly nasty interpretation of Bible verse currently extolled by the rabid evangelical mind-set now mauling the American political and social landscape is to be believed, to use up the Earth however we see fit and stomp all over this pointless ecological blob with our macho SUVs and manly tanks and badass army boots because it's all just one giant disposable sandbox o' fun anyway, right?

Hey, it's all part of the Master Plan to destroy the Earth and smite our enemies and hasten the arrival of the Rapture. Didn't you know?

We are all merely waiting until the Big Battle happens in Israel, the bloody clash between the True Believers and the Antichrist Heathens, to be followed immediately by Jesus gliding down on gilded wings made of fine Egyptian cotton and cheap American flags and wearing kickass robes of fire and ready to suck the true believers up to heaven through a giant Crazy Straw and wipe the whole goddamn secular slate clean. Right?

Crazy rantings, you might say.

(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Culture/Society; Government; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: anwr; barebackbuckaroo; blueoyster; browntonguer; googargler; gravelinrectum; gritinthegroin; headboardbiter; morford; morfordite; oildriller; pantiesinawad; plugitup; saladtosser; sandinhisvagina; sandinvagina
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-4041-6061-77 next last
Morfordite Alert

You've been warned.

1 posted on 03/23/2005 7:52:04 AM PST by SmithL
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: All
Oops, left off the sub-headline:

Drill for oil and screw Alaska's wildlife? Why, sure, all part of the imminent Rapture!


2 posted on 03/23/2005 7:53:23 AM PST by SmithL (Terrorists are in a quagmire)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SmithL

I heard that the Carribou heards in Prudeau bay have gone from a few thousand to over 35000. They want to be warm also.


3 posted on 03/23/2005 7:54:07 AM PST by Holicheese (This is Hockey East)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SmithL
Crazy rantings, you might say.

Ya think?

4 posted on 03/23/2005 7:54:46 AM PST by anonymous_user (Not everything's a conspiracy.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SmithL
Maureen Dowd with a penis PING
5 posted on 03/23/2005 7:55:02 AM PST by Psycho_Bunny (“I know a great deal about the Middle East because I’ve been raising Arabian horses" Patrick Swazey)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SmithL
screw Alaska's wildlife

Morford's wet dream.

Mark, you win. I've stopped praying for you. Say hi to Satan for me.
6 posted on 03/23/2005 7:55:08 AM PST by GodBlessRonaldReagan (Count Petofi will not be denied!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: SmithL

I don't think God hates Caribou.

I've eaten Caribou at a cook out before.

And the Caribou was the hit of the party. It tasted even better than the alligator.

I'm sure God has good taste.


7 posted on 03/23/2005 7:55:15 AM PST by KidGlock (Get in the pit and try to love some one)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SmithL
godforsaken lump of floating space rock.

dumocrat is a mental condition. This guy needs a happy pill. Obviously clinically depressed and suicidal.

8 posted on 03/23/2005 7:55:26 AM PST by marty60
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SmithL

What Horsesh!t.


9 posted on 03/23/2005 7:55:45 AM PST by bill1952 ("All that we do is done with an eye towards something else.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SmithL
Why Does God Hate Caribou?,


10 posted on 03/23/2005 7:56:38 AM PST by Bluegrass Conservative
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SmithL

I think the left is making entirely too much of this evangecal Christian controls the world by exercising its control over Bush. Obviously we will protect more Caribou by pumping more oil, it helped them last time. And obviously more clean nuclear generated electricity will reduce the need to burn fossil fuels. So G-d and Bush are working together on this, and the left wing has clearly been left out.


11 posted on 03/23/2005 7:56:51 AM PST by KC_for_Freedom (Sailing the highways of America, and loving it.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Holicheese

Considering the ice age killed their ancestors, warmth might be a priority for them.


12 posted on 03/23/2005 7:56:56 AM PST by marty60
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: SmithL

Markie should just go back to his HIV-infected bathhouse and have lots more poop-sex!


13 posted on 03/23/2005 7:58:45 AM PST by TexasCajun
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SmithL

Maybe God just wants lawsuits since that is all we seem to make today. How many lawsuits are being written and charged with this ANWAR issue? Thousands.


14 posted on 03/23/2005 7:59:14 AM PST by edcoil (Reality doesn't say much - doesn't need too)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: SmithL
In other words, God wants us, if the happily bleak and decidedly nasty interpretation of Bible verse currently extolled by the rabid evangelical mind-set now mauling the American political and social landscape is to be believed, to use up the Earth however we see fit and stomp all over this pointless ecological blob with our macho SUVs and manly tanks and badass army boots because it's all just one giant disposable sandbox o' fun anyway, right?

This is the first I've heard of this policy of the religious right. Can you say straw man argument? Does Morford even know what that means?

15 posted on 03/23/2005 7:59:25 AM PST by The_Victor (Calvin: "Do tigers wear pajamas?", Hobbes: "Truth is we never take them off.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: bill1952

Cariboush!t?


16 posted on 03/23/2005 8:00:25 AM PST by SmithL (Terrorists are in a quagmire)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: SmithL
Why Does God Hate Caribou?

Because they won't have anal sex with Mark Morford.

17 posted on 03/23/2005 8:00:39 AM PST by Lazamataz (Cleverly Arranging 1's And 0's Since 11110111011...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SmithL

Mordor is his (her) usual self--hilarious. His rants are so ridiculous and asinine, they cause me endless pleasure to see how stupid the RATs and the MSM truly are. Mordor puts it all into words for the leftcoast to see and applaud because most of them actually believe this tripe.


18 posted on 03/23/2005 8:00:39 AM PST by Paulus Invictus
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SmithL
Crazy rantings, you might say.

*******************

Might?

19 posted on 03/23/2005 8:01:55 AM PST by trisham (choose life!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SmithL
>Why Does God Hate Caribou?

God hates caribou
because they're just rip-offs of
the majestic moose!

20 posted on 03/23/2005 8:02:01 AM PST by theFIRMbss
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-2021-4041-6061-77 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson