MORFORD: What God Really Told Bush

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 10/12/5 | Mark Morford

[SmithL]

Apparently, it wasn't just "invade Iraq and Afghanistan in my name." A special report:

Scene: White House private residence, night, not long ago. President Bush present in his most favoritest guns 'n' bunnies PJs. Laura asleep, knocked out by a combination of too much Good Housekeeping and excessive hair-spray fumes. Suddenly, a burst of black smoke. A deep, resonant voice speaks:

"Psst! George! God here, taking a break from supervising the well-being of eight billion troubled souls along with infinite galaxies of unimaginable vastness to speak with you directly one more time because, well, you're special, aren't you, George? Yes you are! Yes you are! OK, stop giggling. I have more commands. Get off the damn hobbyhorse, George, and get a pen and a notepad. No, not a crayon. I don't care if blue is your favori-- George! Get a pen! OK? Good. Here we go:

"As you know, I'm not quite what everyone thinks. I am not all benevolence and love and light. In fact, I have a downright dark side, mean and nasty and cunning, and I want you, George, to continue to be my special right-hand man. My special little guy. In fact, you shall help enact my wrath, Dubya. Doesn't that sound fun?

"There are three things I love, George: war, revenge, suffering. Oh, and smiting the heathens. OK, four things. And kickboxing. Five things. There are five things I love, Dubya. You with me? And you and your demon monkeys are enacting the first four admirably, George. Don't be shy, go ahead and tell those Palestinian officials you were commanded by God to "restore peace" in the Middle East by bombing nearly defenseless, pip-squeak Iraq and Afghanistan to smithereens. They love that stuff.

[SmithL]

Morfordite Alert

You've been warned!

[driftless]

The so-called request from God to Bush has already been exposed as a hoax. This says more about that idiot Morford's willingness to believe any anti-Bush garbage than it does about Bush. The fact that leftist lunatics like Morford have regular columns in major "reputable" rags, even in Frisco, says volumes about the decline of this country.

[frankjr]

"go ahead and tell those Palestinian officials you were commanded by God to "restore peace" in the Middle East"

That story was already debunked. Like Morford cares.

[Jokelahoma]

Oh! Ha ha! I get it! It's an evil, soulless little warthog of a "man" pretending to speak for God! And inferring that the President is a child! And giving the impression that God loves death and destruction, and is using the President to spread those things throughout the planet! Wow! That sort of originality is just unheard of! I can't imagine anyone on the left EVER coming up with something that funny! Woooo! Man, that's rich stuff!

The idea of this sleazy little strumpet having any idea what God wants to beyond ridiculous and well past sublime. The two things butt slut hates most in the world are God and conservatives, and golly gee, he found a way to make himself look like an ass while attempting to smear both at once. The "wit" he shows in this tripe is just overwhelmingly lame, yet extremely predictable. The left truly has gone beyond the ability to parody.

[marlon]

Butt Slut!!!!! ROTFL

[manwiththehands]

Too many poppers? The guy is nuts and brain damaged.

[shield]

LOL...if God would have told W...he's smart enough NOT TO EVER TELL ANYONE...while he's president. ;o)

[T.Smith]

Why even post this idiot's rantings? It's not only vile in content, but it's the most poorly written crap ever published by a major media source. Seriously, the guy cannot write a coherent sentence.

You're only encouraging him by posting this stuff here.

[ArrogantBustard]

You're only encouraging him by posting this stuff here.

That's a good thing! Morford is the true voice of leftism in XXI Century. He says what a lot of them are thinking, but are either smart enough or too timid so say in public. He (and the DUmpster) is a window into the soul of the Democratic Party.

[T.Smith]

If they're the windows into the soul of the Democratic party, may we please pull the shades?

[Prime Choice]

Message for Ms. Morford...   Message for Ms. Morford...

[RichInOC]

I want a demon monkey!!!

[SpinyNorman]

Well, if it is God whispering into President Bush's ear, than it is reasonable to assume that there is some kind of fairy, some SanFran Tinkerbell no doubt, whispering into Morford's.

[My2Cents]

Fevered, hate-filled imaginings pass for solid news in San Francisco.

[My2Cents]

The "keywords" have me in stitches. :-D

[decal]

"The fact that leftist lunatics like Morford have regular columns in major "reputable" rags, even in Frisco, says volumes about the decline of this country."

No, it just says volumes about the decline of American newspapers - which is no big loss, btw.

[SmithL]

The "keywords" have me in stitches

Feel free to play along.

[RightWingAtheist]

Do we expect anything less from the "reality-based community"

[WasDougsLamb]

The guy is nuts and brain damaged.

----I agree.