Is it live...or is it memorex?

The miracle of selectronics | 22-October-2005 | Ron Pickrell

[pickrell]

In Columbus, Ohio, Mayor Coleman has apparently spent a bit too much time proving Glen Beck wrong, by searching for his manhood. His wife has, meanwhile, been charged with driving while under the influence of alcohol and failing to control her vehicle, which, though it failed to go off of a bridge in Chappaquidick, nonetheless did instead inflict grievous damage to a parked truck.

Since Tom Harkin's staff have proven that you can illegally tape people and get away with it... and Wilson & Plame have proven that you can fabricate facts and become celebrated instead of excoriated, we at the Ohio Institute of Political Synthesis have therefore combined these two offenses, and now bring you the Coleman tapes.

Beep. "Mrs. Coleman? Yes, this is Teresa Heinz. No, don't genuflect, dear- we're not in public, and anyway I couldn't see you over the phone. Sweety, the way to deal with this is to utterly ignore the little people. Their catty little comments about you mean nothing... as long as you have the ability to cut off their city water... or embargo their catsup. Trust me on this..."

Beep. "Mrs. Coleman? Yes, this is Ted Kennedy. Now, you hang tough there, and don't pay the least attention to those peons who criticize you for public drunkenness. If they question you, just plead the fifth. Or, if you can't get that in your purse, plead a pint. Gotta run now- need to lecture some Marines about their conduct. See ya, babe."

Beep. "Mayor Coleman? This is the Columbus Dispatch calling. We wondered if you had any comment about the 1.7 million dollar expansion of the Columbus Engagement Center. Your words, we recall, were, '...What other city in this nation cares enough about publically inebriated people that they will staff a center with medical professionals, while building a state-of-the-art facility to ensure their safety and security", all with the money of the taxpayer? Call us soonest... byeeee."

Beep. "Coleman? Hey. paisan! This is John McCain. About all of the closet support I have extended to the Democrats- I...can't help you here, buddy. I've placed a win, place or show bet on Ken Blackwell. If it turns sour in the Ohio Governor's race, and you win...I will never have heard of him, of course, and then we may talk. Have your people call my people."

Beep. "Three C body shop....the finest in collision repair! Don't settle for-"

Had to cut that last one off. Wouldn't want to appear commercial.

[Ohioan from Florida]

Doncha know it's a private family matter? Gee whiz...the nerve of some Freepers! (JK!)

I'd like to see Coleman go straight down the tubes, but I don't think this show of Frankie's is gonna even make a dent in Coleman's political future.

[leadpenny]

I'll bump it but from the Columbus Mayor and his wife to Glen Beck to Chappiquidick to Plame to Teresa Heinz . . . - you lost me.

[pickrell]

An inside joke about rumors of drinking problems, and hanging together rather than hanging separately. I guess you would have had to have been there...