Republicans Hint that Self-Immolation Might Be More Effective than Anti-War Hunger Strikes

thenoseonyourface.com ^ | November 04, 2006 | Potfry

[NYTexan]

With the elections just a few days away, Republicans continue to scoff at anti-war hunger strikes as “rookie stuff” and have quietly suggested that the anti-war movement should elevate their game if they really want results.

“Yeah, the notion of Cindy Sheehan surviving on banana smoothies for a couple days really has us up nights,” said one Bush staffer. “These guys have really got to step it up if they want to be taken seriously. They need to draw on the heritage of their 1960s anti-war predecessors. I’m pretty sure that if the bunch of them set themselves on fire, we’d take notice.”

Self-Immolation has been practiced as a means of protest throughout history, but was most common during the Vietnam War, when several Buddhist monks and American citizens burned themselves to death.

“If Cindy Sheehan, Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn and Danny Glover were all simultaneously lit up like torches, we’d probably have the troops home in a couple weeks,” continued the staffer. “I mean, I can’t promise anything-- I'm just free-lancing here. But that sort of…demonstration of commitment…might get us to realize the error of our ways. I might be going out on a limb here, but a crispy Barbra Streisand might be worth a roll back of the tax cuts. Hell, I'd marry a gay Hollywood producer and adopt several Pakistani refugees if you set Alec Baldwin ablaze."

[NYTexan]

[NYTexan]

Pinging the usual suspects!



(anyone wanting on or off the satire ping list, let me know!)

[msnimje]

Har!

[outofsalt]

I'm holding out for Murtha and Pelosi!

[AnnGora]

I'll bring the marshmallows!

[Ditto]

"If Cindy Sheehan, Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn and Danny Glover were all simultaneously lit up like torches, we’d probably have the troops home in a couple weeks,” continued the staffer. “I mean, I can’t promise anything-- I'm just free-lancing here. But that sort of…demonstration of commitment…might get us to realize the error of our ways."

Na. It would just get the Bush EPA to go after their estates for Clean Air Act violations.

[MNJohnnie]

Mega Dittos! I'll bring the matches!

[null and void]

It's satire? Damm.

[reagan_fanatic]

I’m pretty sure that if the bunch of them set themselves on fire, we’d take notice.”

I wouldn't.

As a matter of fact, I'd take it as a cue to stop by the Texas Roadhouse for a nice, juicy steak.

[dfwgator]

Build a man a fire, and he stays warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he stays warm for the rest of his life.

[ichabod1]

A Priest in Germany self-immolated over the weekend to protest the muzzlim takeover.

[DejaJude]

Self-Immolation has been practiced as a means of protest throughout history, but was most common during the Vietnam War,

Wouldn't work with Kerry, he'd set someone else on fire and claim it was him.

[chaos_5]

OMG! Thats too funny! It hurts... owwww

[RetiredArmy]

Now that is funny, I don't care who you are. (not the photo, the article!!)

[umgud]

Build a man a fire, and he will be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Now that's real compassion.

[Tamar1973]

[Cobra64]

Hey buddy. Got a match?

[Spyder]

Me, me, please add me to the satire ping list! Thanks! Great stuff!

[Tamar1973]

Yeah, nearly getting burned to death got a lot of people to notice this guy.

[Solamente]

Look, if fire's not your bag, try a .44 mag!