My father’s gay marriage (WaPo OpEd)

The Washington Post ^ | 4/6/2013 | Susan Meader Tobias

[Salman]

...

In 1930, when he was 12, my dad was caught in bed with another boy at his New England prep school and sent home. My enraged grandfather hired a psychologist to straighten him out. The psychologist proclaimed that my grandmother’s extravagant love of her eldest child, and my grandfather’s harsh discipline, were responsible for Dad’s sexual confusion. He pronounced the cure: that my father leave home.

...

So at the age of 12, he was exiled by his family to board at schools and summer camps and spent the rest of his life on the run. After my mother married my father, she and we four children trailed along after him, ever faster; by the time I left home for school at 17, we had lived in 20 cities, countless hotels and rented houses and on three continents. We might as well have been criminals.

...

[Salman]

Interesting story, bizarre conclusion.

[Shadow44]

” The psychologist proclaimed that my grandmother’s extravagant love of her eldest child, and my grandfather’s harsh discipline, were responsible for Dad’s sexual confusion.”

That was a rather interesting working hypothesis before the APA became infiltrated with political hacks in the 70s.

Of course we now know it’s that “gay gene” people keep reassuring us is out there. /s

[I cannot think of a name]

“Doesn’t a child have the right to be loved and cared for, to see her parents loving and caring for one another wholeheartedly and without reservation?”

No Formula 1 track in the world has more twists and turns than that bit of convoluted pretzel logic. And by the way, if your parents are both men or both women, they aren't your parents dumbass.

[henkster]

The homosexuals I have known have all had a concurrent underlying personality disorder of some type.

I have one or two more for the list now.

[Clock King]

They’re definitely pushing for more than 10%. And if his father was really homosexual, how did he manage to actually sleep with a woman and make children. It should have been repulsive to him.

[lacrew]

This woman seems to have had a very bad childhood...sad she doesn’t understand why.

[x]

That was a rather interesting working hypothesis before the APA became infiltrated with political hacks in the 70s.

Of course we now know it’s that “gay gene” people keep reassuring us is out there.

Maybe, maybe not. But those classic parental patterns probably aren't as common as they once were -- a lot of parents know better -- but more and more young people are proclaiming themselves homosexual.

I suspect it has to do with the culture -- more exposure to sex earlier, more tolerance of homosexuality -- but those old "working hypotheses" aren't explaining as much as they once did, or if they are, it's always easier to see them at work in somebody else's family, rather than one's own.

FWIW, her father served his country in WWII and Korea.

[SoldierDad]

“Doesn’t a child have the right to be loved and cared for, to see her parents loving and caring for one another wholeheartedly and without reservation?”

If this woman's father had not married a woman, and fathered four children, then, without medical meddling, she would not have had "parents" in the first place. In actuality, there is no such thing as homosexual parents. There is a biological parent and a non-biological live in.

[latina4dubya]

The psychologist proclaimed that my grandmother’s extravagant love of her eldest child, and my grandfather’s harsh discipline, were responsible for Dad’s sexual confusion.

it sounds to me that he over-identified with his mother... he did not relate to his father...

[Cicero]

Sad story. Her father clearly was badly deranged, for whatever reason, and that’s not easy for a child to grow up with.

But I fail to see her point. What is she trying to say? That he should have had a gay marriage instead, and never conceived her or any of his other children? It’s all very well to fantasize about how things could have been different than they are, but that never helps. And the problem wasn’t that there was no gay rights or gay marriage before she was born. The problem was that her father was a deluded nut case.

Deal with it. Move on. Try to make the best of your own life. Most of us have had to cope with difficulties of one kind or another growing up.

It’s pretty sick of the Washington ComPost to run a story like this. Their motive is all too obvious. They play on the grief of others to make political points. Scum.

[petitfour]

Is this a boo hoo story by someone who wishes she did not exist? My mom was heterosexual, my dad was homosexual, and somehow I came to be and life was horrible and I wish I were never born.

If only my dad could have married one of his many man loves, then my life would have been so much better. just wow.

[latina4dubya]

Doesn’t a child have the right to be loved and cared for, to see her parents loving and caring for one another wholeheartedly and without reservation? Isn’t that what anyone would want for himself and his children?

this is not a guarantee for any child no matter what set of parents he has...

[SoldierDad]

Gays have always been able to marry. But I fail to see how society is strengthened when they are forced by convention to marry someone whose body is unattractive to them, whose voice isn’t what they want to hear in the morning or whose touch may be as grating as sand in the bed.

I've got news for Susan Meader Tobias. Based upon divorce rates, I'd say the above description can be applied to many marriages, regardless of how screwed up the particular individual is with respect to sexual orientation.

[LeoWindhorse]

such people do not fear God , and that’s the problem

you do NOT want to get God pissed off at you due to your
forbidden or improper behaviors .

not wise at all

[Chode]

feh...

[GilesB]

Well, I know one thing she's lying about:
An octave on a standard piano keyboard is about 6.5”, three of those is 19.5”.

Mark out 19.5” and tell me if you find it plausible that a man (even a gay man) could span that distance with one hand.

According to Guinness Book of World Records, the record hand span is 12”. The widest span in the world can't even span TWO octaves - so poor, little, sweet daddy couldn't even span two octaves, let alone three!

Not credible.

[Sacajaweau]

Not sure I believe the story at all. What is this person looking for?? 15 minutes??

[RightOnTheBorder]

The dude was sexalized enough at 12 years old to be engaging in sex with another boy and nobody thinks he was being buggered by some older homosexual? This was 1930, not 2010 so it's not like he had easy access to immoral material or pornography. Where does a boy of 12, in the 30’s, learn the process of sex? I bet dollars to dimes he was groomed by an older queer and it ruined his whole life, and likely that of his children if this woman truly believes the crap she is spouting.

[GeronL]

bump

[Sacajaweau]

I don’t even believe the story.