Skip to comments.Christmas Is the Perfect Time to Mock Liberals, and Other Random Thoughts
Posted on 12/24/2017 9:02:11 PM PST by Oshkalaboomboom
When we gather together this Christmas, its going to be super-awkward since everybody is dead because Donald Trump pulled out of the Paris Climate Scam, repealed net neutrality, and cut taxes. The depredations of Genghis Khan, the Black Plague, and the repeal of the Obamacare mandate these are pretty much the same thing. Santa Claus and all of our dreams are dead too.
On the plus side, since we are all dead theres no one to make egg nog, which is the worst of all possible nogs.
You know what these eggs need? Some milk. And then rum.
No. Whoever invented egg nog is the second grossest human being ever who is not Lena Dunham, exceeded in grossness only by the first person being who thought, Look, an oyster! I know. Ill put that slimy thing in my mouth.
The Democrats are the egg nog of American politics. Discuss.
Santa stuffed coal into the Democrats fishnet stockings this year, as well as all sorts of other fossil fuels. The President turned on the Keystone pipeline, unleashed our miners, and told the environmentalist whiners to go frack themselves. Growing up near San Francisco, a town memorably described by (I believe) comedian Bobby Slayton as The city that makes its own gravy, I got used to goateed, over-tatted progressive doofuses who imagined that the electricity that powered their iPads and automatic bongs came from magical windmills that didnt ever dice n slice bald eagles. Of course, chopping up symbols of U.S. strength would probably be a plus in their beady, bloodshot eyes. But the point is that liberals were never really about clean power they were about outsourcing the dirty messy icky work of generating power to those lesser mortals out there in Real America. That is, until they realized that those lesser mortals out there in Real America were happy and prospering thanks to the energy industry, and we sure cant have red staters being happy and prosperous. Heck, if you work and support yourself, you dont need coastal liberals largesse, guidance, and control. Hence their hatred of fossil fuels, which is really their hatred of normal Americans. The progressives try to disguise the fact that environmentalism is really just a way to stick it to the red rubes by wrapping their carbonophobia in the sacred doctrines of their Weird Weather Cult.
Yeah, 2017 has been a terrible year for Gaia. But she struck back with hurricanes and fires, which are totally the result of global warming. Of course, the recent run of years where there were no big hurricanes or fires were not indicative of a lack of global warming because you hate science, or something.
And 2017 has also been a bad year for the entertainment wing of the Democrat Party, Hollywood. Remember movies, those fun things you would see for a few bucks in the theater? I saw Star Wars: Damn, Have They Aged Badly the other day dont worry, there will be no spoilers because I dont really remember it. After tickets, popcorn, and my Bombay Sapphire and tonic do you really think Im going to watch Spock and the space orc knights use laser swords to battle characters with names like Snorke and Zuub Chudloogie without a stiff belt? this exercise in mediocrity cost me about $100. Look, the movie didnt retroactively ruin my childhood, as so many internet nerds have complained. It was just kind of Meh. It tried to do some lib suckerpunching (as John Notle calls it), but it hit limply, like a puny Never Trumper. For example, in that screen crawl at the beginning, THE RESISTENCE is in all-caps. Im guessing thats some sort of clever Hollywood zinger at Donald Trump, which some producer probably came up with in his hot tub surrounded by moist, glistening interns.
Take that, Donald Trump. TAKE THAT!
Luckily, theres awesome conservative action and adventure out there for normals who like their heroes red and the bad guys/gals/gender-nonconforming beings blue. But if you dig lib propaganda, theres a new Steven Spielberg movie about really how the Washington Post was heroic for publishing classified military documents fifty years ago. Last spring, libs were having a collective self-wetting because The Donald allegedly let slip highly classified info to some Russian guy during a meeting its probably tough to recall this particular THIS IS THE WORST THING TRUMP EVER DID! freakoutrage among all the hundreds of other THIS IS THE WORST THING TRUMP EVER DID! freakoutrages and now these same libs are going to give a bushel-full of Oscars to a movie about the WaPo doing just that. BTW, if you love irony, follow that link back to see the name of the news organization with its journopanties in a bunch about Trump disclosing highly classified info.
Hypocrisy, thy name is liberal.
Oh, this movie stars Meryl Streep, the same woman who led the standing ovation for Roman Polanski and covered for Harvey Weinstein and who came out at one of those festivals of movie industry onanism to chide President Trump for his moral shortcomings. Well, shed know about moral shortcomings. Meryls Choice was her career.
And speaking of hypocritical weasels, the Democrats wisely declined their progressive wings demand to use the DACA fight to restage the Alamo, probably because this time the Americans would have won. Instead, they kicked the budget can down the road to January and fled town, not particularly wanting to compound their stinging defeat on tax reform with one on illegal aliens. Yeah, a government shutdown over the holidays because the Democrats wont play unless Republicans let a couple million illegal aliens become citizens is a bad visual. Around the Christmas table, even that annoying sophomore nephew who is home from Gumbo State for Kwanzaa will kind of have a problem arguing, But we should totally cut off vital services for Americans in order to let MS-13 members be rewarded with our precious citizenship!
Now, as your late family gathers together, all dead because of Trumps authoritarian reign of terror, try to remember that in the spirit of the season, you should mock your liberal friends and family unmercifully. Its a painful time for them. The economy is booming, ISIS has been beheaded, and Mueller hasnt found Schiff. Thats why its so, so very important to kick them when they are down. Because Christmas is a time where we celebrate giving, so give them grief. Because its the only way theyll ever learn.
Okay, I used to really like this guy. Now I officially hate him.
Egg Nog is the nectar of the gods.
Just had three/ Rum and a sprinkle of nutmeg.
You are thrice blessed.
As are we all to live in a country where the nog flows like golden honey for all to partake.
I love this man.
The stores sure seem to be busy, much more busy. I can’t remember in recent years having a hard time finding a parking space and the entire lot being near full.
The cashiers I talked to said it is very busy.
Eggnog probably clogs the arteries. A little, or a lot, of rum, depending on how clogged up you are, probably unclogs them. /s
Merry Christmas - Stay healthy.
They hate Christmas yet some of them observe it. Hypocrites!
I Love eggnog
Did the guy who invented eggnog wake up one morning and think, “I want pancakes, but I also want to get drunk”?
I want some. But I don't have none.
Does anyone really know?
Does Nog goes Bad?
I just found a Bottle with no experation date that must be 3 years old.
I think nog is bad when you buy it. Like buttermilk.
Milk And Butter ?
Like Half and Half?
Throw in Captain Crunch and
You have a Deliciously Nutritious meal!
To my Liberal Acquaintances & Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2018, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other countries nor the only "America" in the Western Hemisphere.
Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes.
To my Conservative Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
“Egg Nog is the nectar of the gods.”
I’d rather have a Hot Tottie...and I hate Hot Totties. Better to take the shot, suck the lemon and eat the honey, forget the hot water.
Good article. :D
Leave egg nog out of it, it’s a delicious seasonal treat. Don’t bash egg nog, if you don’t like it don’t drink it.
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