Jesus, Joseph and Mary!
Is not one person gonna be mentionin’ me Irish joke?
And a belated Happy Saint Patrick’s Day to you serious lot, too!
OK, this is it!
Someone better chuckle...
What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?
A rash of good luck.
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Because they’re always a little short.
Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers?
Because you don’t want to press your luck.
Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Irish!
Irish Who?
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home...That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.
What’s Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O’furniture!
How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?
Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
BOOs
Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland?
He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.
How do you blind an Irish woman?
You put a bottle of scotch in front of her.
How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
He’s Dublin over with laughter!
What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone?
A sham rock
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day?
Regular rocks are too heavy.
Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold?
They like to “go” first class!
How does every Irish joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
What do they call the Irish jig at McDonalds?
A Shamrock Shake
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day!
How did the Irish Jig get started?
Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
Why doesn’t Simon Cowell drink on St Patricks Day?
It interferes with his suffering!
Why did God invent Jameson whiskey?
So the Irish would never rule the world.
What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?
A bachelor.
What’s the main difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
1 less drunk at the party
Why don’t women want to get engaged on St Patricks Day?
‘Cause they don’t want to get a “sham rock”.
What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day?
St. O’Claus!
Are people jealous of the Irish?
Sure, they’re green with envy!
What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?
The Halfback of Notre Dame!
Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?
To keep from falling in the stew!
How do you start the St Patricks Day parade in the ghetto?
Roll a 40 down the street!
What’s a leprechaun’s favorite kind of music?
Sham-rock and roll.
Do leprechauns make good secretaries?
Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
What’s long & green & has a low I.Q.?
a St. Patrick’s Day Parade
How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?
He took a shortcut!
What is Irish diplomacy?
It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip
What do leprechauns love to barbecue?
Short ribs!
Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
Because they’re very short-tempered!
“I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.”
“Oh, really?”
“No, O’Reilly!”
What do you call a Cubic Zirconia in Ireland?
A sham rock
Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day?
Because they’re always wearing green
‘Alas Babylon’ didn’t strike me as Irish. But Happy St. Paddy’s Day to you as well.