Skip to comments.GRAMMAR/HUMOR: MLP (NEVER) WALKS INTO A BAR
Posted on 07/18/2018 9:13:08 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom
Todays dilemma, dear Readers, is whether to die laughing, or from the abject horror of these grammatic fauxs-pas:
A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
Hyperbole totally crashes into this insane bar and completely demolishes everything.
A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall, but hoping to nip it in the bud.
Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
A synonym strolls into a tavern.
At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute sentence fragment.
A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
An allusion walks into a bar, knowing alcohol is its Achilles heel.
The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense. (Oldie but goodie)
(Excerpt) Read more at cdapress.com ...
An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars (thus entirely useless).
A simile walks into a bar, as parched as the desert.
A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar; the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.
Some good chuckles...
Who was that (older) comedian who was sort of the king of malapropisms? He would tell stories just littered with them - he was Hilarious.
I literally died laughi
You get an A+ Well done;)
Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. As he sits there, mulling over his day, he hears a high-pitched voice say, “That shirt looks great on you!
The man looks around, doesnt see anything, and returns to his drink thinking nothing more of it. But then, a moment later, the voice returns, this time offering, You seem like a really cool guy!
Again, the man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink, wondering if he should get checked out by a professional. Finally, when his nerves have cooled and he believes the voice is gone, he hears, I bet your parents are really proud of you!
He slams down his drink and looks around wildly. Frustrated and finding no possible source of the voice, he calls over the bartender. He says, Hey barkeep! Whats that voice I keep hearing?
Oh, those are the peanuts, the bartender replies. Theyre complimentary.
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a Martinus.” The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, “Don’t you mean a Martini?” “Look,” Caesar replies, “If I wanted a double, I’d have asked for it!”
I remembered him, but couldn't recall his name. Did some looking. Was it Norm Crosby? He seems to be known as the King of Malapropisms.
Norm Crosby. He was unmazing!
“A horse walks into a bar....”
Oh yes - Norm Crosby!! Thank you - he can rattle them off like Rodney Dangerfield riffing. Impressive.
Norm Crosby. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnX-EPaAIdU
I have met that malapropism before.
Been a while, Lake, how have you been.
A baby seal walked into a club....
A Muslim, A Homosexual, and a Communist walk into a bar, the bartender says, “Hello, Barack!”
How goes it down there?
What? No one here thinks alliteration is funny?
That was Norm Crosby.
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