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GRAMMAR/HUMOR: MLP (NEVER) WALKS INTO A BAR
The Coeur d'Alene Press ^ | July 17,2018 | Mrs. Language Person and Sholeh Patrick

Posted on 07/18/2018 9:13:08 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom

Today’s dilemma, dear Readers, is whether to die laughing, or from the abject horror of these grammatic fauxs-pas:

A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

Hyperbole totally crashes into this insane bar and completely demolishes everything.

A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall, but hoping to nip it in the bud.

Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

A synonym strolls into a tavern.

At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute sentence fragment.

A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

An allusion walks into a bar, knowing alcohol is its Achilles heel.

The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense. (Oldie but goodie)

(Excerpt) Read more at cdapress.com ...


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons; US: Idaho
KEYWORDS: chat; grammar; humor
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Concluded...

An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television getting drunk and smoking cigars (thus entirely useless).

A simile walks into a bar, as parched as the desert.

A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar; the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

1 posted on 07/18/2018 9:13:08 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom
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To: sodpoodle

Some good chuckles...


2 posted on 07/18/2018 9:13:43 AM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom
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To: ProtectOurFreedom
"A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing..."

Who was that (older) comedian who was sort of the king of malapropisms? He would tell stories just littered with them - he was Hilarious.
Anybody remember?

3 posted on 07/18/2018 9:20:05 AM PDT by Psalm 73 ("I will now proceed to entangle the entire area".)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

I literally died laughi


4 posted on 07/18/2018 9:20:09 AM PDT by Mrs. Don-o (Autocorrect is my worst enema.)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

You get an A+ Well done;)


5 posted on 07/18/2018 9:20:25 AM PDT by sodpoodle (Life is prickly - carry tweezers)
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To: xzins
Not sure if this has anything to do with those two Corinthians who walked into that bar......

:-)

6 posted on 07/18/2018 9:25:56 AM PDT by Lakeshark (Trump. He stands for the great issues of the day. Stay the course!)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.


7 posted on 07/18/2018 9:38:54 AM PDT by IYAS9YAS (There are two kinds of people: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. As he sits there, mulling over his day, he hears a high-pitched voice say, “That shirt looks great on you!”
The man looks around, doesn’t see anything, and returns to his drink thinking nothing more of it. But then, a moment later, the voice returns, this time offering, “You seem like a really cool guy!”
Again, the man looks around, sees nothing, and returns to his drink, wondering if he should get checked out by a professional. Finally, when his nerves have cooled and he believes the voice is gone, he hears, “I bet your parents are really proud of you!”
He slams down his drink and looks around wildly. Frustrated and finding no possible source of the voice, he calls over the bartender. He says, “Hey barkeep! What’s that voice I keep hearing?”
“Oh, those are the peanuts,” the bartender replies. “They’re complimentary.”


8 posted on 07/18/2018 9:44:10 AM PDT by Rio (I was deplorable when deplorable wasn't cool.)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a Martinus.” The bartender gives him a puzzled look and asks, “Don’t you mean a Martini?” “Look,” Caesar replies, “If I wanted a double, I’d have asked for it!”


9 posted on 07/18/2018 9:45:27 AM PDT by Rio (I was deplorable when deplorable wasn't cool.)
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To: Psalm 73
Who was that (older) comedian who was sort of the king of malapropisms? He would tell stories just littered with them - he was Hilarious.

I remembered him, but couldn't recall his name. Did some looking. Was it Norm Crosby? He seems to be known as the King of Malapropisms.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norm_Crosby

10 posted on 07/18/2018 9:50:36 AM PDT by IYAS9YAS (There are two kinds of people: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.)
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To: Psalm 73

Norm Crosby. He was unmazing!


11 posted on 07/18/2018 9:52:34 AM PDT by Gargantua (The wheel is spinnin' and it can't slow down... ;^)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

“A horse walks into a bar....”

Warning: Language

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUjVaaT60qY


12 posted on 07/18/2018 9:55:16 AM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: IYAS9YAS

Oh yes - Norm Crosby!! Thank you - he can rattle them off like Rodney Dangerfield riffing. Impressive.


13 posted on 07/18/2018 9:55:50 AM PDT by Psalm 73 ("I will now proceed to entangle the entire area".)
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To: Psalm 73

Norm Crosby. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnX-EPaAIdU


14 posted on 07/18/2018 9:57:18 AM PDT by euclid216
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To: Lakeshark

I have met that malapropism before.

Been a while, Lake, how have you been.


15 posted on 07/18/2018 9:58:04 AM PDT by xzins (Retired US Army chaplain. Support our troops by praying for their victory.)
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To: IYAS9YAS

A baby seal walked into a club....


16 posted on 07/18/2018 9:58:46 AM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: IYAS9YAS

A Muslim, A Homosexual, and a Communist walk into a bar, the bartender says, “Hello, Barack!”


17 posted on 07/18/2018 9:59:56 AM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: xzins
Most excellent sir, we are in amazing times. Times I feared as few as two years ago that we, and our kids/grandkids would never see again. My, how things have changed for the better.

How goes it down there?

18 posted on 07/18/2018 10:15:57 AM PDT by Lakeshark (Trump. He stands for the great issues of the day. Stay the course!)
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To: ProtectOurFreedom

What? No one here thinks alliteration is funny?


19 posted on 07/18/2018 10:18:35 AM PDT by Cletus.D.Yokel (Catastrophic, Anthropogenic Climate Alterations: The acronym explains the science.)
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To: Psalm 73

That was Norm Crosby.


20 posted on 07/18/2018 10:21:37 AM PDT by gigster (Cogito, Ergo, Ronaldus Magnus Conservatus)
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