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Zuckerberg Vows To Keep US Elections Safe From Unapproved Opinions
https://babylonbee.com ^ | October 24th, 2018 | unknown

Posted on 10/25/2018 11:06:45 AM PDT by Beowulf9

MENLO PARK, CA—In a video posted to his Facebook account, CEO Mark Zuckerberg committed to keep US elections safe from all unapproved opinions that people might otherwise encounter on his social network.

Zuckerberg vowed to continue to delete memes, pages, and posts that toe the line of opinions the leftist-run company does not like until the platform is completely secure from election meddling by Americans with a different perspective than his own.

(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...


TOPICS: News/Current Events; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: censureship; facebook; politics; satire; zuckerberg
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1 posted on 10/25/2018 11:06:45 AM PDT by Beowulf9
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To: Beowulf9

Sadly, all of these coordinated efforts may be enough for the DEMs to steal the House.


2 posted on 10/25/2018 11:07:46 AM PDT by CatOwner
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To: Beowulf9

Every time one believes that successful businessmen are always intelligent, I just reply, “Zuckerberg”.


3 posted on 10/25/2018 11:08:31 AM PDT by Da Coyote
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To: Beowulf9

Satire has become impossible.


4 posted on 10/25/2018 11:08:45 AM PDT by Seruzawa (TANSTAAFL!)
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To: Beowulf9

Stole his business idea

Stole all the shares from his BEST friend

Secretly sold users’ data

Stated in a confidential email to a friend that people who trust him are "dumb-f*cks".

Married in the community proprety state of California, the very day AFTER he took Facebook public.

Requested nude photos of users to “protect them against the risk of revenge porn”.

Secretly tried to get hospitals to release vast stores of patient data “so I can help cure diseases”.

Initially pursued total rights ownership of images uploaded to FB; if you'd been photoed as a happy youth with, say, a can of Coors then later got really famous, Zuck could be paid by Coors for zero work and YOUR old photo in a new ad while you, the centerpiece of the ad, would get NOTHING. Struck down after lengthy legal battles.

De-platformed numerous Conservatives because he didn't agree with their views, couldn't define hate-speech when asked by Congress.

Secretly requested banks give him his users' financial data, including transactions, so “my users can check their balances on my site."

Digitally permitted his housing advertisers to filter out customers whose search histories were strongly associated with terms like "handicapped" , "mobility scooter" and "guidedog".

Admonished that people "build bridges instead of walls", all while building walls around his Palo Alto homes and around the huge Kauai Estate he bought and then threw the Hawaiians off of, an effort requiring 300 seperate lawsuits against local Hawaiian land claimants.

Established a "trustworthiness index" for ALL his facebook users while disclosing it to none of them.

Altered FB algorithms to flag content from conservative publications as spam.

Revered Augustus Caesar, leader of Rome who assured 200 years of peace via harsh rule, possibly arranging the execution of his own grandson. On a wedding anniversary trip to Rome, Zuck gushed so effusively over sculptures and monuments dedicated to Augustus that his wife joked that three people, not two, were on their trip.

For years, Zuck traditionally closed high-level Facebook executive meetings by shouting, "DOMINATION..!", perhaps half-jokingly.

Proposed installation in the homes of FB users special Facebook cameras that would follow and monitor users around as they went about their private lives inside their homes. But the cameras, Zuckerberg assured, would come with privacy settings which Facebook would, like, totally respect, or something.

Asked for user telephone numbers for 2 factor authentication but within weeks used that data for marketing purposes. If users chose to share their entire contact list, Facebook also shared that data with advertisers, even phone numbers of people who NEVER had a facebook account! After the Cambridge Analytica scandal FB pleged to reinvigorate user privacy but neither of these practices has stopped.

In the runup to the 2018 midterm elections, FB removed over 800 conservative political pages and accounts in a clamp down on what the social media company arbitrarily termed, “inauthentic behavior”. The ambitious political move affected 66 million FB users, most of them Conservative.


5 posted on 10/25/2018 11:09:06 AM PDT by gaijin
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To: Beowulf9

Freedom has no place at Facebook


6 posted on 10/25/2018 11:11:08 AM PDT by butlerweave
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To: Beowulf9

“Zuckerberg Vows To Keep US Elections Safe From Unapproved Opinions”

The SOB is gonna commit suicide? Great Idea ...


7 posted on 10/25/2018 11:11:16 AM PDT by litehaus (A memory toooo long.............)
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To: Beowulf9

Unapproved Opinions?........................Approved by whom?................


8 posted on 10/25/2018 11:11:18 AM PDT by Red Badger (I lie to pollsters......................ALL Of THEM!...................)
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To: Beowulf9

Yellow Teefs has dead eyes.


9 posted on 10/25/2018 11:12:13 AM PDT by fieldmarshaldj ("It's Slappin' Time !")
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To: gaijin

What a fascist-living putz.


10 posted on 10/25/2018 11:13:14 AM PDT by hal ogen (First Amendment or Reeducation Camp?)
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To: Beowulf9

Sterilize..sterilize..


11 posted on 10/25/2018 11:13:56 AM PDT by Leep (A)
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To: hal ogen

I want him to testify to Congress again. Seeing him on the booster chair was hilarious.


12 posted on 10/25/2018 11:15:28 AM PDT by shelterguy
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Mark


13 posted on 10/25/2018 11:15:29 AM PDT by truthluva
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To: Beowulf9

Smarmy puke.


14 posted on 10/25/2018 11:15:37 AM PDT by neverevergiveup
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To: gaijin

When he testified or whatever he did in front of CONgre$$ was the first time I ever saw a booster seat used by a CEO.

He looked like an imp,, but who doesn’t these days on social media. The younger the robber barons of the internet become, the worse off we all are, imho.


15 posted on 10/25/2018 11:15:40 AM PDT by NormsRevenge (Semper Fi - Monthly Donors Rock!!!)
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To: Leep
Zuckerbergs, debasing, demeaning, undermining the host society.
Frankfurt School.
16 posted on 10/25/2018 11:16:24 AM PDT by IWontSubmit (2)
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To: Beowulf9

And all we hear about if how the Russians try to influence out elections.


17 posted on 10/25/2018 11:16:54 AM PDT by NEMDF
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To: Beowulf9

LOCK

HIM

UP


18 posted on 10/25/2018 11:18:25 AM PDT by Paladin2
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FuqZuckencuck


19 posted on 10/25/2018 11:19:53 AM PDT by dsrtsage (For Leftists, World History starts every day at breakfast)
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To: Beowulf9

BABYLON BEE IS A SATIRE SITE.

REPEAT BABYLON BEE IS A SATIRE SITE.


20 posted on 10/25/2018 11:20:08 AM PDT by Snickering Hound
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